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Whew. Nice digs, for once. Busy night.
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FRONT DESK ATTENDANT “CHAD”"CHAD"<br>Any port in a storm, I guess. [ Chuckles ] If you could just fill this out, please.
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DEAN<br>
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DEAN<br>
[ Scoffs ] Trust me, pal... better. [DEAN sees a WOMAN sitting alone.] How you doing?
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WOMAN<br>
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DEAN<br>
10-4. Yeah. [Cellphone beeping ] [ grunts ] Sam, unpucker, man. Eat something.
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SAM<br>
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DEAN<br>
[ Scoffs ] I'm young at heart. [ Door creaks ] [ whistles ] Wow. Look at this. We're like Rockefellers. Chocolates! You want yours?
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SAM<br>
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DEAN<br>
Whoa. "Casa Erotica 13" on demand. [ SAM Scoffs ] What?
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SAM<br>
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SAM <br>
Really? It sort of seemed like they were, uh... [ Chuckles ] ...in the middle of something.
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DEAN <br>
Broke the needle. All right, well, I'll scope out the joint, and you keep an eye on Norman Bates over here. I mean, one night off. Is that too much to ask?
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SAM follow follows CHAD as he leaves the front desk, but loses sight of him near the vending machines. We hear a slicing sound and SAM reaches for his neck, where a fresh cut has appeared.
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INT. ELYSIAN FIELDS HOTEL HALLWAY – NIGHT
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DEAN exits the elevator, and pulls out an EMF detector. DEAN passes a room with its door open and we can see an ELEPHANT holding a towel. DEAN takes a few steps back to look again, and sees MAN wrapping a towel around his torso.
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MAN <br>
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DEAN <br>
[ Liquid bubbling in pot ] Please be tomato soup. Please be tomato soup. [DEAN lifts ladle to reveal eyeballs. It is not tomato soup.] Motel hell.
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SAM sees the locked freezer and walks slowly towards it. Inside he sees the rest of the hotel guests.
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DEAN <br>
[ Both grunting ] Something tells me this isn't a Shriner convention.
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MERCURY<br>
Dinner is served. [ Applause ]
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BALDUR<br>
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BALDUR<br>
[BALDUR clinks a fork to his champagne flute] Ladies and gentleman, thank you for coming. Although in all my centuries, I never thought I'd see this. This many Gods gods under one roof.--
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SAM [to DEAN]<br>
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DEAN<br>
Alright, you know, Sam was right. It's nuts , but it's the best idea I've heard, so unless you have a better one?
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GABRIEL<br>
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LUCIFER<br>
You know, I never understood you pagans, always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be Godsgods. [LUCIFER twists his fingers and MERCURY dies as his neck snaps] And they call me prideful.
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INT. THE ELYSIAN FIELDS HOTEL GRAND BALLROOM – NIGHT<br><br>
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INT. THE ELYSIAN FIELDS HOTEL HALLWAY - NIGHT<br><br>
ODIN screams outside the Grand Ballroom as LUCIFER kills him, then explodes GANESH in a burst of blood and chunks of flesh. LUCIFER then breaks BARON SAMEDI'S s arm, killing him also. LUCIFER is seen in the hallway walking past a stream of corpses of Gods gods as the lights flicker.
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INT. THE ELYSIAN FIELDS HOTEL GRAND BALLROOM – NIGHT
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LUCIFER<br>
Who? These so called Godsgods?
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GABRIEL<br>
I know you think you're doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where your heart truly lies.
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Over LUCIFER'S s shoulder we see a second GABRIEL, coming up behind him. As he lunges forward, LUCIFER catches his arm and stabs GABRIEL'S s own sword into his chest.
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LUCIFER<br>
Here. Amateur hocus pocus. Don't forget, you learned all your tricks from me, little brother. [LUCIFER jerks the blade in GABRIEL'S s chest. In a burst of light, GABRIEL dies.]
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== ACT FOUR ==
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TITLE CARD – Red with scrolling credits [Cheesy “porno music” "porno music" plays in background] reads: <br>
ALL PERFORMERS IN THIS FILM ARE OVER THE AGE OF 18, HAVE CONSENTED TO BEING PHOTOGRAPHED, AND HAVE PROVIDED PROOF OF AGE. 18 U.S.C. SECTION 2257
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