4.18 The Monster at the End of This Book (transcript)

SUPERNATURAL

4.18 The Monster At The End Of This Book

Written by:

Directed by:

Air Date:

SUPERNATURAL

4.18 The Monster At The End Of This Book

Written by: Julie Siege
Directed by: Mike Rohl

Under Construction This page is currently being developed by a single author. Editing by others may cause a conflict of information. If you'd still like to contribute, see the discussion page.

TEASER

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – NIGHT

CHUCK is sprawled on a couch sleeping with papers clutched to his chest; the coffee table is littered with unfinished food and drinks. He is in the throes of an intense dream: we see quick flashes of Sam and Dean, the Impala, and Chuck himself. Cut to:

INT. COMIC BOOK SHOP – DAY

A man takes a comic book off the shelf as we pan across to the door, where DEAN and SAM are entering. They are in suits and long black coats: FBI costumes. The man behind the counter looks up as they approach and take out their badges.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Uh...can I help you?

DEAN
Sure hope so. Agents DeYoung and Shaw. Just need to ask you a few questions.

SAM
Notice anything strange in the
building, last couple of days?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Like what?

DEAN
Well, some other tenants reported flickering lights.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
I don't think so. Why?

SAM
What about noises? Any skittering in the walls? Kind of like rats?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
(skeptical)
And the FBI is investigating a rodent problem?

SAM
What about cold spots? Feel any sudden drops in temperature?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
(grinning)
I knew it! You guys are LARPing, aren't you?

DEAN
Excuse me?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
You're fans.

SAM
Fans of what?

DEAN
What is "LARPing"?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Like you don't know.
(off their confused looks)
Live-Action Role-Play! And pretty hardcore, too.

DEAN
I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
You're asking questions like the building's haunted. Like those guys from the books. What are they called? Uh... "Supernatural." Two guys, use fake IDs with rock aliases, hunt down ghosts, demons, vampires. What are their names? Uh... Steve and Dirk? Uh, Sal and Dane?

SAM
Sam and Dean?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
That's it!

DEAN
You're saying this is a book?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Books. It was a series. Didn't sell a lot of copies, though. Kind of had more of an underground cult following.
(he goes over to a table labeled “Bargain Bin”. SAM and DEAN follow.)
Let's see. Um... Ah. Yeah
(hands DEAN a book)
That's the first one, I think.

DEAN
(reading the cover of the book)
"Supernatural" by Carver Edlund.
(he flips the book over, reads the back cover)
"Along a lonely california highway, a mysterious woman in white lures men to their deaths."

SAM
(grabbing the book)
Give me that.
(to the MAN)
We're gonna need all the copies of "Supernatural" you've got.
An altered title sequence follows, with illustrations from the book that include Romance-novel-style illustrations of SAM, DEAN, and other characters and ending with the title card:

SUPERNATURAL
By Carver Edlund

ACT ONE

INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

We pan across a motel bed strewn with copies of the book series. The episode title appears:

"THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK"

DEAN is reclining on the bed, flipping through a book and frowning. SAM is seated by the window with his laptop.

DEAN
This is freakin' insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?

SAM
You got me.

DEAN
Everything is in here. I mean everything. From the racist truck to -- to me having sex. I'm full-frontal in here, dude.
(he gets up and crosses to SAM)
How come we haven't heard of them before?

SAM
They're pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation. Uh, started in '05. The publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And, uh, the last one --
"No Rest For The Wicked" --
(he turns the laptop towards DEAN, displaying a web site listing the books)
Ends with you going to hell.

DEAN
I reiterate. Freaking insane.
(browsing the site)
Check out. There’s actually fans. There’s not many of them, but still. Did you read this?

SAM
Yeah.

DEAN
Although for fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this – Simpatico says "the demon story line is trite, cliche'd, and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it.

SAM
Yeah. Well, keep on reading. It gets better. There are "Sam girls" and "Dean girls" and -- what's a "slash fan"?

SAM
As in... Sam-Slash-Dean. Together.

DEAN
Like, together together?

SAM
Yeah.

DEAN
They do know we're brothers, right?

SAM
Doesn't seem to matter.

DEAN
Oh, come on. That... That's just sick.
(he shuts the laptop in disgust)
We got to find this Carver Edlund.

SAM
Ah, that might not be so easy.

DEAN
Why not?

SAM
No tax records, no known address. Looks like "Carver Edlund” is a pen name.

DEAN
Somebody’s gotta know who he is.

INT. PUBLISHER’S HOUSE – DAY

SAM and DEAN are meeting with the publisher of the “Supernatural” series: a young, attractive woman in a long sweater. She is eager but appears both a little nervous and somewhat skeptical of their intentions.

SAM
So you published the "Supernatural" books?

PUBLISHER
Yep. Yeah. Gosh. These books... You know, they never really got the attention they deserved. All anybody wants to read anymore is that romance crap. You know -- "Doctor Sexy, M.D."?
(scoffs)
Please.

SAM
Right. Well, we're hoping that our article can ... shine a light on an underappreciated series.

PUBLISHER
Yeah, yeah, because, you know, if we got a little bit of good press then m-maybe we could start publishing again.

DEAN
Oh no, no, no god, no. I mean, why -- why would you want to do that? You know, it's, uh, such a complete series, what with Dean going to hell and all.

PUBLISHER
(getting very emotional)
My god! That was one of my favorite ones, because Dean was so... strong... and sad and brave. And Sam... I mean, the best parts are when they'd cry. You know, like in -- In "Heart," When Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in "Home," when Dean had to call John and ask him for help.
(she turns away)
Gosh... if only real men were so open and in- in touch with their feelings.

DEAN
Real men?

PUBLISHER
I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that, hmm?

DEAN
Well, right now, I'm crying on the inside.

PUBLISHER
Is that supposed to be funny?

DEAN
Lady, this whole thing is funny.

PUBLISHER
How do I know you two are legit, hmm?

DEAN
Oh, trust me. We, uh... we're legit.

PUBLISHER
Well, I don't want any smart-ass article making fun of my boys.

SAM
No! No, (stammering)

DEAN
No, that's...

SAM
We -- We are actually, um... big fans.

PUBLISHER
Hmm. You've read the books?

DEAN
Cover to cover.

PUBLISHER
What's the year and model of the car?

DEAN
1967 Chevy Impala.

PUBLISHER
What's May 2nd?

SAM
That's my -- Uh... that's Sam's birthday.

DEAN
January 24th is Dean's.

PUBLISHER
Sam's score on the lsat?

SAM
One...
(looking at DEAN, at a loss)
Seventy four.

PUBLISHER
Dean's favorite song?

DEAN
It's a tie. Between Zep's "Ramble On" and "Traveling Riverside Blues."

PUBLISHER
Okay. Okay. What do you want to know?

SAM
What’s Carver Edlund's real name?

PUBLISHER
Oh, no. No. I’m sorry, I can’t.

SAM
We just want to talk to him. You know, get the "supernatural" story in his own words.

PUBLISHER
He’s very private. It’s like Salinger.

SAM
Please. Like I said -- we are, um...
(he unbuttons his shirt, cringing a little, to reveal his demon-protection tattoo
...big...big fans.

Off SAM’s pointed look, DEAN rolls his eyes and displays his own tattoo. The woman licks her lips

PUBLISHER
Awesome. You know what?
(she turns around and hikes up her skirt, showing them something off-camera.
I got one, too.

DEAN
Whoa. You are a fan.

PUBLISHER
Okay.
(she scribbles something on a pad of paper)
His name's Chuck Shirley. And he's a genius, so don't piss him off.

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

We begin on a close shot of a printer, which is spitting out several pages. CHUCK comes into view wearing boxers, an undershirt, and a bathrobe, and stuffing the end of a slice of pizza in his mouth. He sits at the desk, pulls the pages from the printer, and clears his throat.

CHUCK
(reading)
"Sam and Dean approached the run-Down..."
(sighs, makes a correction on the page)
"...Approached the ramshackle house with trepidation."

EXT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

DEAN and SAM get out of the IMPALA.

CHUCK (v.o.)
"Did they really want to learn the secrets that lay beyond that door?"

SAM and DEAN stop in front of the door, share a look, and shrug.

CHUCK (v.o.)
"Sam and Dean traded soulful looks."

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

CHUCK (continuing)
"Then, with determination, Dean pushed the doorbell with forceful... determination."
(tosses the pages down in frustration)
Ugh!

(The doorbell rings. He looks up, nervous, then goes to answer it)

DEAN
You Chuck Shirley?

SAM
The Chuck Shirley who wrote the "Supernatural" books?

CHUCK
Maybe. Why?

DEAN
I'm Dean. This is Sam. The Dean and Sam you've been writing about.

CHUCK
Look, uh... I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's, uh, it's always nice to hear from the fans. But, uh, for your own good, I strongly suggest you get a life.
(he tries to shut the door, but DEAN puts out a hand to stop it.)

DEAN
See, here's the thing. We have a life. You've been using it to write your books.

(He shoves the door open and enters, forcing CHUCK to back up into the house.)

CHUCK
Now, wait a minute. Now, this isn't funny.

DEAN
Damn straight, it's not funny.

SAM
Look, we just want to know how you're doing it.

CHUCK
I'm not doing anything.

DEAN
Are you a hunter?

CHUCK
What? No. I'm a writer.

DEAN
Then how do you know so much about demons? And Tulpas, and changelings?

CHUCK
Is this some kind of "Misery" thing? Ah, it is, isn't it? It's a "Misery" thing!

DEAN
No, it's not a "Misery" thing. Believe me, we are not fans!

CHUCK
Well, then, what do you want?!

SAM
I'm Sam. And that's Dean.

CHUCK
Sam and Dean are fictional characters. I made them up! They're not real!

EXT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

DEAN opens the trunk of the IMPALA, displaying the arsenal. We pan up to CHUCK’S shocked face.

CHUCK
Are those real guns?

DEAN
Yup. This is real rock salt, these are real fake ids

CHUCK
Well, I got to hand it to you guys. You really are my number one fans.
(still very nervous)
That’s, that’s awesome. So, I-I think I've got some posters in the house.

DEAN
Chuck, stop.

CHUCK
Please wait. Please, don't hurt me.

SAM
How much do you know? Do you know about the angels? Or Lilith breaking the seals?

CHUCK
Wait a minute. How do you know about that?

DEAN
The question is how do you know.

CHUCK
Because I wrote it?

SAM
You kept writing?

CHUCK
Yeah, even after the publisher went bankrupt, but those books never came out. Okay, wait a minute. This is some kind of joke, right? Did that -- Did Phil put you up to this?

DEAN
Well, nice to meet you. I'm Dean Winchester, and this is my brother, Sam.

CHUCK
The last names were never in the books. I never told any about that. I never even wrote that down.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – DAY

CHUCK pours himself a large whisky and gulps it down, then sets the glass on the kitchen sink. He turns around, sees SAM and DEAN, and groans.

CHUCK
Oh! Oh, you're still there.

DEAN
Yup.

CHUCK
You're not a hallucination.

DEAN
Nope.

CHUCK
Well, there's only one explanation. Obviously I'm a god.

SAM
You're not a god.

CHUCK
How else do you explain it? I write things and then they come to life. Yeah, no, I'm definitely a god. A cruel, cruel, capricious god. The things I put
you through -- The physical beatings alone.

DEAN
Yeah, we're still in one piece.

CHUCK
I killed your father. I burned your mother alive. And then you had to go through the whole horrific deal again with Jessica.

SAM
Chuck...

CHUCK
All for what? All for the sake of literary symmetry. I toyed with your lives, your emotions, for...Entertainment.

DEAN
You didn't toy with us, Chuck, okay? You didn't create us.

CHUCK
Did you really have to live through the bugs?

DEAN
Yeah.

CHUCK
What about the ghost ship?

DEAN
Yes, that too.

CHUCK
I am so sorry. I mean, horror is one thing, but to be forced to live bad writing... if I would have known it was real, I would have done another pass.

DEAN
Chuck, you're not a god!

SAM
We think you're probably just psychic.

CHUCK
No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard.

SAM
It seems that somehow, you're just... focused on our lives.

DEAN
Yeah, like laser-focused. Are you working on anything right now?

CHUCK
(realizing something)
Holy crap.

SAM
What?

CHUCK
(picks up the pages he was reading earlier)
The, uh, latest book? It's, uh, it's kind of weird.

SAM
"Weird" how?

CHUCK
It's very Vonnegut.

DEAN
(intently)
"Slaughterhouse-Five" Vonnegut or "Cat's Cradle" Vonnegut?

SAM
(surprised)
What?

DEAN
(defensively)
What?

CHUCK
It's, uh, "Kilgore Trout" Vonnegut. I wrote myself into it. I wrote myself, at my house... confronted by my characters.

INT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT

SAM is doing laundry as DEAN sits nearby, reading from CHUCK’S latest manuscript.

DEAN
"I’m sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat reading about myself -–" My head hurts.

SAM
There's got to be something this guy's not telling us.

(SAM turns to toss his darks into the machine. DEAN continues reading.)

DEAN
"Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. "He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth.

SAM
Stop it.

DEAN
"'Stop it,' Sam said." Guess what you do next.
(SAM turns away, scowling.)
"Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive." I mean, I don't know how he's doing it, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face, but those are definitely your "brooding and pensive" shoulders.
(SAM sighs, exasperated. DEAN looks down at the manuscript.)
You just thought I was a dick.

SAM
(turns around looking impressed.)
The guy's good.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – NIGHT

CHUCK is dozing at his desk, having another intense dream. We see flashes of SAM in a motel room with a beautiful young blonde woman. She sits and pats the bed. SAM approaches slowly, looking entranced. Her eyes turn white. She draws SAM to her on the bed. CHUCK wakes up, panicked.

END ACT ONE