4.18 The Monster at the End of This Book (transcript)

SUPERNATURAL

4.18 The Monster at the End of This Book

Written by: Julie Siege

Directed by: Mike Rohl

Air Date: 2 Apr 2009

TEASER

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – NIGHT

CHUCK is sprawled on a couch sleeping with papers clutched to his chest; the coffee table is littered with unfinished food and drinks. He is in the throes of an intense dream: we see quick flashes of SAM and DEAN, the IMPALA, and CHUCK himself. Cut to:

INT. COMIC BOOK SHOP – DAY

A man takes a comic book off the shelf as we pan across to the door, where DEAN and SAM are entering. They are in suits and long black coats: FBI costumes. The man behind the counter looks up as they approach and take out their badges.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Uh... can I help you?

DEAN
Sure hope so. Agents DeYoung and Shaw. Just need to ask you a few questions.

SAM
Notice anything strange in the building, last couple of days?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Like what?

DEAN
Well, some other tenants reported flickering lights.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Uh, I don't think so. Why?

SAM
What about noises? Any skittering in the walls? Kind of like rats?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
(skeptical)
And the FBI is investigating a rodent problem?

SAM
What about cold spots? Feel any sudden drops in temperature?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
(grinning)
I knew it! You guys are LARPing, aren't you?

DEAN
Excuse me?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
You're fans.

SAM
Fans of what?

DEAN
What is "LARPing"?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Like you don't know.
(off their confused looks)
Live-Action Role-Play! And pretty hardcore, too.

DEAN
I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're talking about.

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
You're asking questions like the building's haunted. Like those guys from the books. What are they called? Uh... "Supernatural." Two guys, use fake IDs with rock aliases, hunt down ghosts, demons, vampires. What are their names? Uh... Steve and Dirk? Uh, Sal and Dane?

SAM
Sam and Dean?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
That's it!

DEAN
You're saying this is a book?

MAN BEHIND COUNTER
Books. It was a series. Didn't sell a lot of copies, though. Kind of had more of an underground cult following.
(he goes over to a table labeled “Bargain Bin”. SAM and DEAN follow.)
Let's see. Um... Ah. Yeah
(hands DEAN a book)
That's the first one, I think.

DEAN
(reading the cover of the book)
"Supernatural" by Carver Edlund.
(he flips the book over, reads the back cover)
"Along a lonely California highway, a mysterious woman in white lures men to their deaths."

SAM
(grabbing the book)
Give me that.
(to the MAN)
We're gonna need all the copies of "Supernatural" you've got.

An altered title sequence follows, with illustrations from the book that include Romance-novel-style illustrations of SAM, DEAN, and other characters and ending with the title card:

SUPERNATURAL
By Carver Edlund

ACT ONE

INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

We pan across a motel bed strewn with copies of the book series. The episode title appears:

"THE MONSTER AT THE END OF THIS BOOK"

DEAN is reclining on the bed, flipping through a book and frowning. SAM is seated by the window with his laptop.

DEAN
This is freakin' insane. How's this guy know all this stuff?

SAM
You got me.

DEAN
Everything is in here. I mean everything. From the racist truck to – to me having sex. I'm full-frontal in here, dude.
(he gets up and crosses to SAM)
How come we haven't heard of them before?

SAM
They're pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation. Uh, started in '05. The publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And, uh, the last one – "No Rest For The Wicked" –
(he turns the laptop towards DEAN, displaying a web site listing the books)
Ends with you going to hell.

DEAN
I reiterate. Freaking insane.
(browsing the site)
Check it out. There’s actually fans. There’s not many of them, but still. Did you read this?

SAM
Yeah.

DEAN
Although for fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this – Simpatico says "the demon story line is trite, clichéd, and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it.

SAM
Yeah. Well, keep on reading. It gets better.

DEAN
There are "Sam girls" and "Dean girls" and – what's a "slash fan"?

SAM
As in... Sam-slash-Dean. Together.

DEAN
Like, together together?

SAM
Yeah.

DEAN
They do know we're brothers, right?

SAM
Doesn't seem to matter.

DEAN
Oh, come on. That... That's just sick.
(he shuts the laptop in disgust)
We got to find this Carver Edlund.

SAM
Yeah, that might not be so easy.

DEAN
Why not?

SAM
No tax records, no known address. Looks like "Carver Edlund” is a pen name.

DEAN
Somebody’s gotta know who he is.

INT. PUBLISHER’S HOUSE – DAY

SAM and DEAN are meeting with the publisher of the “Supernatural” series: a young, attractive woman in a long sweater. She is eager but appears both a little nervous and somewhat skeptical of their intentions.

SAM
So you published the "Supernatural" books?

PUBLISHER
Yep. Yeah. Gosh. These books... You know, they never really got the attention they deserved. All anybody wants to read anymore is that romance crap. You know – "Doctor Sexy, M.D."?
(scoffs)
Please.

SAM
Right. Well, we're hoping that our article can... shine a light on an underappreciated series.

PUBLISHER
Yeah, yeah, because, you know, if we got a little bit of good press then m-maybe we could start publishing again.

DEAN
No, no, no, no. God, no. I mean, why – why would you want to do that? You know, it's, uh, such a complete series, what with Dean going to hell and all.

PUBLISHER
(getting very emotional)
Oh, my god! That was one of my favorite ones, because Dean was so... strong... and sad and brave. And Sam... I mean, the best parts are when they'd cry. You know, like in – In "Heart," when Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in "Home," when Dean had to call John and ask him for help.
(she turns away)
Gosh... if only real men were so open and in touch with their feelings.

DEAN
Real men?

PUBLISHER
I mean, no offense. How often do you cry like that, hmm?

DEAN
Well, right now, I'm crying on the inside.

PUBLISHER
Is that supposed to be funny?

DEAN
Lady, this whole thing is funny.

PUBLISHER
How do I know you two are legit, hmm?

DEAN
Oh, trust me. We, uh... we're legit.

PUBLISHER
Well, I don't want any smart-ass article making fun of my boys.

SAM
No! No, no, no. Never. (stammering)

DEAN
No, that's...

SAM
We – We are actually, um... big fans.

PUBLISHER
Hmm. You've read the books?

DEAN
Cover to cover.

SAM
Um-hmm.

PUBLISHER
What's the year and model of the car?

DEAN
It’s a 1967 Chevy Impala.

PUBLISHER
What's May 2nd?

SAM
That's my – Uh... that's Sam's birthday.

DEAN
January 24th is Dean's.

PUBLISHER
Sam's score on the LSAT?

SAM
One...
(looking at DEAN, at a loss)
Seventy-four?

PUBLISHER
Dean's favorite song?

DEAN
It's a tie. Between Zep's "Ramble On" and "Traveling Riverside Blues."

PUBLISHER
Okay. Okay. What do you want to know?

SAM
What’s Carver Edlund's real name?

PUBLISHER
Oh, no. I – No. Sorry, I can’t do that.

SAM
We just want to talk to him. You know, get the "Supernatural" story in his own words.

PUBLISHER
He’s very private. It’s like Salinger.

SAM
Please. Like I said – we are, um...
(he unbuttons his shirt, cringing a little, to reveal his demon-protection tattoo)
... big... big fans.

Off SAM’s pointed look, DEAN rolls his eyes and displays his own tattoo. The woman licks her lips.

PUBLISHER
Awesome. You know what?
(she turns around and hikes up her skirt, showing them something off-camera.
I got one, too.

DEAN
Whoa. You are a fan.

PUBLISHER
Okay.
(she scribbles something on a pad of paper)
His name's Chuck Shurley. And he's a genius, so don't piss him off.

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

We begin on a close shot of a printer, which is spitting out several pages. CHUCK comes into view wearing boxers, an undershirt, and a bathrobe, and stuffing the end of a slice of pizza in his mouth. He sits at the desk, pulls the pages from the printer, and clears his throat.

CHUCK
(reading)
"Sam and Dean approached the run-down..."
(sighs, makes a correction on the page)
"...approached the ramshackle house with trepidation."

EXT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

DEAN and SAM get out of the IMPALA.

CHUCK (v.o.)
"Did they really want to learn the secrets that lay beyond that door?"

SAM and DEAN stop in front of the door, share a look, and shrug.

CHUCK (v.o.)
"Sam and Dean traded soulful looks."

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

CHUCK (continuing)
"Then, with determination, Dean pushed the doorbell with forceful... determination."
(tosses the pages down in frustration)
Ugh!

(The doorbell rings. He looks up, nervous, then goes to answer it)

DEAN
You Chuck Shurley?

SAM
The Chuck Shurley who wrote the "Supernatural" books?

CHUCK
Maybe. Why?

DEAN
I'm Dean. This is Sam. The Dean and Sam you've been writing about.

(CHUCK closes the door. DEAN rings the bell again and CHUCK opens the door.)

CHUCK
Look, uh... I appreciate your enthusiasm. Really, I do. It's, uh, it's always nice to hear from the fans. But, uh, for your own good, I strongly suggest you get a life.
(he tries to shut the door, but DEAN puts out a hand to stop it.)

DEAN
See, here's the thing. We have a life. You've been using it to write your books.

(He shoves the door open and enters, forcing CHUCK to back up into the house.)

CHUCK
Now, wait a minute. Now, this isn't funny.

DEAN
Damn straight, it's not funny.

SAM
Look, we just want to know how you're doing it.

CHUCK
I'm not doing anything.

DEAN
Are you a hunter?

CHUCK
What? No. I'm a writer.

DEAN
Then how do you know so much about demons?
(he advances on CHUCK, who falls onto the couch)
And Tulpas, and changelings?

CHUCK
Is this some kind of "Misery" thing? Ah, it is, isn't it? It's a "Misery" thing!

DEAN
No, it's not a "Misery" thing. Believe me, we are not fans!

CHUCK
Well, then, what do you want?!

SAM
I'm Sam. And that's Dean.

CHUCK
Sam and Dean are fictional characters. I made them up! They're not real!

EXT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

DEAN opens the trunk of the IMPALA, displaying the arsenal. We pan up to CHUCK’s shocked face.

CHUCK
Are those real guns?

DEAN
Yup. This is real rock salt, these are real fake IDs.

CHUCK
Well, I got to hand it to you guys. You really are my number one fans.
(still very nervous)
That’s, that’s awesome. So, I-I think I've got some posters in the house.

DEAN
Chuck, stop.

CHUCK
Please. Wait. Please, don't hurt me.

SAM
How much do you know? Do you know about the angels? Or Lilith breaking the seals?

CHUCK
Wait a minute. How do you know about that?

DEAN
The question is how do you.

CHUCK
Because I wrote it?

SAM
You kept writing?

CHUCK
Yeah, even after the publisher went bankrupt, but those books never came out. Okay, wait a minute. This is some kind of joke, right? Did that – Did Phil put you up to this?

DEAN
Well, nice to meet you. I'm Dean Winchester, and this is my brother, Sam.

CHUCK
The last names were never in the books. I never told anybody about that. I never even wrote that down.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – DAY

CHUCK pours himself a large whisky and gulps it down, then sets the glass on the kitchen sink. He turns around, sees SAM and DEAN, and groans.

CHUCK
Oh! Oh, you're still there.

DEAN
Yup.

CHUCK
You're not a hallucination.

DEAN
Nope.

CHUCK
Well, there's only one explanation. Obviously I'm a god.

SAM
You're not a god.

CHUCK
How else do you explain it? I write things and then they come to life. Yeah, no, I'm definitely a god. A cruel, cruel, capricious god. The things I put you through – The physical beatings alone.

DEAN
Yeah, we're still in one piece.

CHUCK
I killed your father. I burned your mother alive. And then you had to go through the whole horrific deal again with Jessica.

SAM
Chuck...

CHUCK
All for what? All for the sake of literary symmetry. I toyed with your lives, your emotions, for... entertainment.

DEAN
You didn't toy with us, Chuck, okay? You didn't create us.

CHUCK
Did you really have to live through the bugs?

DEAN
Yeah.

CHUCK
What about the ghost ship?

DEAN
Yes, that too.

CHUCK
I am so sorry. I mean, horror is one thing, but to be forced to live bad writing... if I would have known it was real, I would have done another pass.

DEAN
Chuck, you're not a god!

SAM
We think you're probably just psychic.

CHUCK
No. If I were psychic, you think I'd be writing? Writing is hard.

SAM
It seems that somehow, you're just... focused on our lives.

DEAN
Yeah, like laser-focused. Are you working on anything right now?

CHUCK
(realizing something)
Holy crap.

SAM
What?

CHUCK
(picks up the pages he was reading earlier)
The, uh, latest book? It's, uh, it's kind of weird.

SAM
"Weird" how?

CHUCK
It's very Vonnegut.

DEAN
(intently)
"Slaughterhouse-Five" Vonnegut or "Cat's Cradle" Vonnegut?

SAM
(surprised)
What?

DEAN
(defensively)
What?

CHUCK
It's, uh, "Kilgore Trout" Vonnegut. I wrote myself into it. I wrote myself, at my house... confronted by my characters.

INT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT

SAM is doing laundry as DEAN sits nearby, reading CHUCK’s latest manuscript.

DEAN
I’m sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat reading about myself. My head hurts.

SAM
There's got to be something this guy's not telling us.

(SAM turns to toss his darks into the machine. DEAN continues reading.)

DEAN
"Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth.”

SAM
Stop it.

DEAN
"'Stop it,' Sam said." Guess what you do next.
(SAM turns away, scowling.)
"Sam turned his back on Dean, his face brooding and pensive." I mean, I don't know how he's doing it, but this guy is doing it. I can't see your face, but those are definitely your "brooding and pensive" shoulders.
(SAM sighs, exasperated. DEAN looks down at the manuscript.)
You just thought I was a dick.

SAM
(turns around looking impressed.)
The guy's good.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – NIGHT

CHUCK is dozing at his desk, having another intense dream. We see flashes of SAM in a motel room with a beautiful young blonde woman. She sits and pats the bed. SAM approaches slowly, looking entranced. Her eyes turn white. She draws SAM to her on the bed. CHUCK wakes up, panicked.

END ACT ONE

ACT TWO

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – DAY

SAM and DEAN are back, and CHUCK paces nervously, as if building up the courage to speak. He holds more pages in his hands.

SAM
So... You wrote another chapter?

CHUCK
This was all so much easier before you were real.

DEAN
We can take it; just spit it out.

CHUCK
You especially are not gonna like this.

DEAN
I didn't like hell.

CHUCK
It's Lilith. She's coming for Sam.

DEAN
Coming to kill him?

SAM
When?

CHUCK
Tonight.

DEAN
She's just gonna show up? Here?

CHUCK
(sits, puts his glasses on)
Uh... let’s see, uh,
(reading from the manuscript)
"Lilith patted the bed seductively. Unable to deny his desire, Sam succumbed, and they sank into the throes of fiery demonic passion."

SAM
(laughs)
You're kidding me, right?

DEAN
You think this is funny?

SAM
You don't? I mean, come on. "Fiery demonic passion"?

CHUCK
It's just a first draft.

DEAN
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Lilith is a little girl.

CHUCK
No, uh, this time she's a "comely dental hygienist from Bloomington, Indiana."

DEAN
Great. Perfect. So what happens after the... "fiery demonic" whatever?

CHUCK
I don't know, it hasn't come to me yet.

SAM
Dean, look, there's nothing to worry about. Lilith and me? In bed?

DEAN
(glaring at SAM but speaking to CHUCK)
How does this whole psychic thing of yours work?

CHUCK
You mean my process?

DEAN
Yes, your "process."

CHUCK
Well, it usually starts with a headache. A really bad headache. Aspirin is useless, so... I drink. Until I fall asleep. The first time it happened, I thought it was just a crazy dream.

DEAN
The first time you dreamt about us?

CHUCK
It flowed. It just, it kept flowing. It still does. I-I can't stop it, really.

SAM
You can't seriously believe –

DEAN
Humor me.

DEAN
(He stands; CHUCK holds up the manuscript for him.)
Look, why don't we, we just...
(he takes the manuscript)
Take a look at these and see what's what.
(to CHUCK)
You –

CHUCK
...knew you were gonna ask for that. Yeah.

EXT. ROAD – DAY

DEAN is driving. SAM sits beside him reading the latest chapter.

SAM
Dean, come on.
(reading)
"The minivan accident wasn't that bad, but Dean was still seeing stars. He scratched absently at the pink flower Band-Aids on his face."

DEAN
So?

SAM
So, I've seen you gushing blood. You'd use duct tape and bar rags before you'd put on a pink flower Band-Aid.

DEAN
What's your point?

SAM
My point is this – all of this – is totally implausible, it's nuts.

DEAN
He's been right about everything so far. You think he's just gonna ground out at first now?

SAM
(scoffs, continues reading)
Huh. "Dean slid behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and drove off, the plastic tarp on the rear window flapping like the wings of a crow."

DEAN
A tarp?

SAM
Yeah. On the rear window. And you drive it like that.

DEAN
Well, he might be wrong about the details, but doesn't mean he's wrong about the end result.

SAM
So we’re just gonna run?

DEAN
Dude, we are a long way from ready for a face-to-face death match with Lilith.

They come to a roadblock and come to a stop. A deputy leans over to talk to DEAN.

DEAN
What seems to be the problem?

DEPUTY
Bridge is out ahead.

DEAN
We're just trying to get out of town.

DEPUTY
Yeah, afraid not.

DEAN
Is there a detour?

DEPUTY
Nope.

DEAN
There's not a side road that takes us to the highway?

DEPUTY
To get to the highway, you have to cross that river. To cross the river, you have to take that bridge.

DEAN
How deep's the river?

DEPUTY
Sorry. Afraid you boys are gonna have to spend the night in town.

INT. DINER – NIGHT

DEAN is now reading the manuscript as SAM looks over a menu.

DEAN
Hey, this could be a good thing. I mean, if this is what puts us on the path to Lilith, then all we got to do is get off the path.

SAM
How do you mean?

DEAN
It's a blueprint of what not to do. I mean, if the pages say that we go left –

SAM
Then we go right.

DEAN
Exactly. We get off-book. We never make it to the end. It's opposite day. It says that we, uh, we get into a fight. So, no fighting. No research for you...

SAM
No bacon cheeseburger for you.

DEAN
(looks slightly put out)
Yeah, no problem. I'll just order something else.
(the waitress approaches)
Hi, uh, what's good?

WAITRESS
Well, if you like burgers, Oprah's girlfriend said we have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the country.

(SAM laughs)

DEAN
Really?

SAM
I'll just have the cobb salad, please.

DEAN
I'll have the... veggie tofu burger. Thanks.

(She takes their menus and leaves.)

SAM
This whole thing's ridiculous.

DEAN
Lilith is ridiculous?

SAM
The idea of me hooking up with her is.

DEAN
Right. 'Cause something like that can never happen.

SAM
(starts to scowl, then controls himself.)
Dean, for the first time, we have warning that Lilith is close.

DEAN
So?

SAM
So... we've got the jump on her. If we know when she's coming, we know where she's – this is an opportunity.

DEAN
Are you –
(trying very hard not to get angry)
It frustrates me when you say such reckless things.

SAM
Well, it frustrates me when you'd rather hide that fight.

WAITRESS
Cobb salad for you. And the tofu veggie burger for you.

DEAN
Thank you.
(The waitress leaves; DEAN leans in close.)
It's not hiding. It's being smart. It's picking your battles. This is a battle that we are not ready to fight.
(He takes a huge bite of his burger and his eyes widen in surprise.)
Oh, my god. This is delicious. Tofu is amazing!

WAITRESS
(approaching, flustered)
I am so sorry. I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake.
(she takes his plate away)

SAM scowls.

EXT. TOREADOR MOTEL – DAY

SAM and DEAN drive up to a very sleazy-looking motel and pull into the parking lot.

SAM
Dude, this place charges by the hour.

DEAN
Yeah, well, the book says Lilith finds you at the Red Motel. Hence, the uh, hooker inn. It's opposite day, remember?

INT. TOREADOR MOTEL – DAY

DEAN drops a bag on the bed and starts pulling out items. He takes a few small string-tied bags and places them around the room.

SAM
What are you doing?

DEAN
Couple of hex bags ought to Lilith-proof the room.

SAM
So, what? I'm supposed to just hole up here all night?

DEAN
That's exactly what you're gonna do, okay? And no research. I don't care what you do – use the Magic Fingers or watch Casa Erotica on Pay-Per-View.
(He reaches into SAM’s bag and pulls out SAM’s laptop, smiling.)

SAM
Oh, dude, come on.

DEAN
Just call it a little insurance.

SAM
What are you gonna do?

DEAN
Well, the pages say that I spend all day riding around in the Impala. So I'm gonna go park her. Behave yourself, would you? No homework. Watch some porn.

He smiles, pleased with himself, and leaves. Sam fumes.

EXT.– DAY

As DEAN drives away from the motel, we pan up to the neon sign out front. The word "Toreador" sputters and several of the lights burn out. The remaining letters spell: RE D

ELSEWHERE, DEAN parks the IMPALA and gets out. He checks the doors, then walks away across the street. Moments later, he looks back to see two teenagers attempting to break into the car. He runs towards them.

DEAN
Hey!

A van careens towards him; he can’t get out of the way in time, and it hits him. He is knocked to the ground, unconscious.

INT. "RE D MOTEL" – DAY

SAM opens the door to reveal CHUCK.

CHUCK
You wanted to see me?

SAM
Yeah.

Looking around shiftily, SAM opens the door wider and CHUCK enters. He shuts the door behind him.

SAM
Thanks for coming.

CHUCK
Ah, sure.

SAM
Um... I was just wondering how much you know. About me.

CHUCK
What do you mean?

SAM
Have you seen visions of me when I'm not with Dean?

CHUCK
Oh... You want to know if I know about the demon blood.

SAM
You didn't tell Dean.

CHUCK
I didn't even write it into the books. I was afraid it would make you look unsympathetic.

SAM
Unsympathetic?

CHUCK
Yeah, come on, Sam. I mean, sucking blood? You got to know that's wrong.

SAM
It scares the hell out of me. I mean, I feel it inside of me. I... I wish to god I could stop.

CHUCK
But you keep going back.

SAM
What choice have I got? If it helps me kill Lilith and stop the apocalypse –

CHUCK
I thought that was Dean's job. That's what the angels say, right?

SAM
Dean’s not... he's not Dean lately. Ever since he got out of hell. He needs help.

CHUCK
So you got to carry the weight?

SAM
Well, he's looked out for me my whole life. I can't return the favor?

CHUCK
Yeah, sure you can. I mean, if that's what this is.

SAM
What else would it be?

CHUCK
I don't know. Maybe the demon blood makes you feel stronger? More in control?

SAM
No. That's not true.

CHUCK
I'm sorry, Sam. I know it's a terrible burden – feeling that it all rests on your shoulders.

SAM
Does it? All rest on my shoulders?

CHUCK
That seems to be where the story's headed.

SAM
Am I strong enough to stop Lilith tonight?

CHUCK
I don't know. I haven't seen that far yet.

EXT. STREET – DAY

DEAN wakes slowly, still lying in the middle of the road. A woman hovers above him; she has very long dangling earrings shaped like stars.

WOMAN
Oh my god. Just take it easy, you’re gonna be okay.

DEAN
(incoherently)
Stars.

WOMAN
What was that?
(He blinks and tries to raise his head.)
I'm so sorry. I just didn't see you. Are you okay?
(He sits up.)
And sorry about... you know.
(She indicates a young girl standing nearby.)
M-My daughter's going through a doctor phase.

DEAN
What are you talking about?

GIRL
You're all better now.

We finally see the left side of DEAN’s face, which is covered in pink flowery Band-Aids. He looks across the street and stares in horror: The IMPALA’s back window is shattered.

DEAN
Oh, no...

He approaches the car, fuming. He catches a glimpse of himself in the side window and sees the Band-Aids. Frowning, he slowly peels one off.

CUT TO:

EXT. ROAD – DAY

DEAN drives along, still fuming. A tarp covers the rear window, flapping like the wings of a crow.

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

CHUCK, carrying a bottle in a brown bag and six-pack of cans, unlocks the door to his house and enters. He walks in slowly and does not appear very surprised to find DEAN sitting in his living room.

CHUCK
Dean.

DEAN
I take it you knew I'd be here.

CHUCK
You look terrible.

DEAN
That's 'cause I just got hit by a minivan, Chuck.

CHUCK
Oh.

DEAN
That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true; that’s all you have to say is "oh"?!

CHUCK
Please don't yell at me.

DEAN
Why do I get feeling there's something that you're not telling us?

CHUCK
What wouldn’t I be telling you?

DEAN
How you know what you know, for starters!

CHUCK
I don't know how I know, I just do!

DEAN
That's not good enough.
(He shoves CHUCK against the wall.)
How the hell are you doing this?!

CASTIEL
(appearing out of nowhere, as usual)
Dean, let him go! (DEAN releases CHUCK and turns to face CASTIEL.) This man is to be protected.

DEAN
Why?

CASTIEL
He's a Prophet of the Lord.

END ACT TWO

ACT THREE

CHUCK
You... You're Castiel... aren't you?

CASTIEL
It's an honor to meet you, Chuck. I... admire your work.

CASTIEL picks up one of the books and starts paging through it.

DEAN
Whoa, whoa, what? This guy, a prophet? Come on, he's – he's... he's practically a Penthouse Forum writer.
(to CHUCK)
Did you know about this?

CHUCK has stumbled over to his armchair; he cracks open a fresh bottle of whisky and pours himself some.

CHUCK
I, uh, I might have dreamt about it.

DEAN
And you didn't tell us?!

CHUCK
It was too preposterous. Not to mention arrogant. I mean, writing yourself into the story is one thing, but as a prophet? That's like M. Night-level douchiness.

He finishes this tirade and desperately gulps down the whisky.

DEAN
(more quietly, to CASTIEL)
This is the guy who decides our fate?

CASTIEL
He isn't deciding anything. He's a mouthpiece – a conduit for the inspired word.

DEAN
The word? The word of god? What, like the new new testament?

CASTIEL
One day, these books – they'll be known as the Winchester gospel.

DEAN and CHUCK (unison)
You got to be kidding me.

CASTIEL
I am not... kidding you.

CHUCK
If you'd both please excuse me one minute.

He stands, still clutching the bottle, and disappears upstairs.

DEAN
Him? Really?

CASTIEL
You should've seen Luke.

DEAN
Why'd he get tapped?

CASTIEL
I don't know how prophets are chosen. The order comes from high up on the celestial chain of command.

DEAN
How high?

CASTIEL
Very.

DEAN
Well, whatever. How do we get around this?

CASTIEL
Around what?

DEAN
The Sam-Lilith love connection. How do we stop it from happening?

CASTIEL
What the prophet has written can't be unwritten. As he has seen it, so it shall come to pass.

EXT. "RE D MOTEL" - NIGHT

DEAN drives to the motel, parks, and gets out of the car. He notices that the altered sign now reads as CHUCK’s manuscript predicted. He shakes his head and goes to the room.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

DEAN
Come on. We're getting out of here.

SAM
What? Where?

DEAN
Anywhere, okay? Out of this motel, out of this town. I don't care if we got to swim, we are getting out.
(He looks around, confused.)
Dude, where are all the hex bags?

SAM
I burned them.

DEAN
You what?

SAM
Look, if Lilith is coming, which is a big "if" –

DEAN
No, no, no. It's more than an "if." Chuck is not a psychic. He's a prophet.

SAM
What?

DEAN
Cas showed up, and apparently Chuck is writing the gospel of us.

SAM
Okay.

DEAN
Okay. Let's get the hell out of here.

SAM
No.

DEAN
Lilith is gonna slaughter you.

SAM
Maybe she will, maybe she won't.

DEAN
So what? You think you can take her?

SAM
Only one way to find out, Dean, and I say bring her on.

DEAN
Sam...

SAM
You think I'll do it, don't you? You think I'll go dark side.

DEAN
Yes! Okay? Yes. The way you've been acting lately? The things you've been doing?
(SAM looks up, startled.)
Oh, I know. How you ripped Alastair apart like it was nothing, like you were swatting a fly. Cas told me, okay?

SAM
What else did he tell you?

DEAN
Nothing I don't already know. That you've been using your psychic crap, and you've been getting stronger. We just don't know why, and we don't know how.

SAM
It's not what you think.

DEAN
Then what is it, Sam? 'Cause I'm at a total loss.
(He grabs his bag and heads for the door. He stops and looks back.)
Are you coming or not?

SAM
No.

DEAN turns back to the door, pauses again, then drops the bag forcefully on a chair by the door before leaving.

EXT. "RE D MOTEL" PARKING LOT – NIGHT

DEAN drops coins into a soda machine, fuming. He takes a step back and looks around.

DEAN
Well, I feel stupid doing this. But... I am fresh out of options. So please. I need some help. I'm praying, okay? Come on. Please.

CASTIEL
Prayer is a sign of faith. This is a good thing, Dean.

DEAN
So does that mean you'll help me?

CASTIEL
I'm not sure what I can do.

DEAN
Drag Sam out of here, now. Before Lilith shows up.

CASTIEL
It's a prophecy. I can't interfere.

DEAN
You have tested me and thrown me every which way. And I have never asked for anything. Not a damn thing. But now I'm asking. I need your help. Please.

CASTIEL
What you're asking, it's... not within my power to do.

DEAN
Why? 'Cause it's "divine prophecy"?

CASTIEL
Yes.

DEAN
So, what – We're just supposed to sit around and, and wait for it to happen?

CASTIEL
I'm sorry.

DEAN
Screw you. You and your mission. Your God. If you don't help me now, then when the time comes and you need me... don't bother knocking.

DEAN brushes past CASTIEL and begins to walk away, but he stops at CASTIEL's voice.

CASTIEL
Dean. Dean.

DEAN
What?!

CASTIEL
You must understand why I can't intercede. Prophets are very special. They're protected.

DEAN
I get that.

CASTIEL
If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all, an archangel will appear to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're heaven's most terrifying weapon.

DEAN
And these archangels, they're tied to prophets?

CASTIEL
Yes.

DEAN
So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon –

CASTIEL
Then the most fearsome wrath of heaven would rain down on that demon. Just so you understand... why I can't help.

DEAN
Thanks, Cas.

CASTIEL
Good luck.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – NIGHT

CHUCK is sprawled on his couch when DEAN enters; this time, CHUCK does look surprised to see him.

CHUCK
What are you doing here? I didn't write this.

DEAN
(manhandling him)
Come on. I need you to come with me.

CHUCK
What? Where?

DEAN
To the motel where Sam is.

CHUCK
That's where Lilith is.

DEAN
Yeah, exactly. I need you to stop her.

CHUCK
Are you insane? Lilith? I know what she's capable of, Dean. I wrote her.

DEAN
All right, listen to me. You have an archangel tethered to you, okay? All you got to do is show up and boom! Lilith gets smoked.

CHUCK
But I-I haven't seen that yet. Th-the story –

DEAN
Chuck, you're the only shot that I've got left.

CHUCK
But... I'm just a writer.

DEAN
This isn't a story anymore, man. This is real! And you're in it! Now, I need you to get off your ass and fight. Come on, Chuck.

CHUCK
No friggin' way.

DEAN
Okay, well, then, how about this – I've got a gun in my pocket, and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out.

CHUCK
I thought you said I was protected by an archangel.

DEAN
Well, interesting exercise. Let's see who the quicker draw is.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

SAM hears a knock at the door and approaches it slowly. He turns the handle carefully, then flings the door open. The doorway is empty. He closes the door, turns around and sees:

LILITH
Hello, Sam.

SAM
I've been waiting for you.

Her eyes turn white.

END ACT THREE

ACT FOUR

LILITH
Where's the knife, Sam?

SAM
On the nightstand. By the bed.

LILITH begins walking toward the bed, then stops. She stoops down and lifts the rug: beneath it is a Devil’s Trap. She rolls her eyes and touches the edge of it with a finger; the mark flares and burns away. She stands to face SAM.

LILITH
You're gonna have to try a lot harder than that.

SAM
How 'bout this?

He reaches out a hand and concentrates; a wind rises and blows her hair back, but he has no other effect on her.

LILITH
You're strong. But you're not that strong. Not yet.

SAM
So why don't you throw me around then?

LILITH
Because I can't, and you know it. You're immune to my charms. Seems we're at a stalemate.

SAM
Why are you here?

LILITH
To talk.

SAM
(scoffs)
Yeah, well, I'm not interested.

LILITH
Hmm... even if I'm offering to stand down? From the seals... the apocalypse... all of it?

SAM
You expect me to believe that?

LILITH
Honestly? No. You were always the smart one. But it's the truth. You can end it, Sam. Right here, right now. I'll stop breaking seals, Lucifer keeps rotting in his cage. All you have to do is agree to my terms.

SAM
Why would you back down? Why now?

LILITH
Turns out, I don't survive this war. Killed off, right before the good part starts.

SAM
What do you want?

LILITH
For it to go back to the way it was. Before I had angels to deal with 24/7. The good old days, when it was all baby blood all the time.

SAM
And what do you want in return?

LILITH
Your head on a stick. Dean's, too. Call it a consolation prize. So what do you say, Sam? Self-sacrifice is the Winchester way, isn't it?

SAM
You really think I'm stupid enough to fall for this?

LILITH
I make a deal, I have to follow through. Those are the rules, and you know it. Are you really so arrogant that you would put your life before the lives of six billion innocent people? Maybe it's all that demon blood pumping through your pipes. Man after my own heart.

SAM
You think I'm like you? I am nothing like you.

LILITH
Then prove it. Going once.
(She turns and walks to the bed)
Going twice.

SAM
Fine.

LILITH
(She turns back.)
Swell. By the way, a contract with me will take more than a kiss.
(She sits on the bed.)
A lot more. Don't worry. The dental hygienist in here? She wants it bad.
(She pats the bed.)

SAM approaches; LILITH runs a hand up his leg as her eyes turn white. She takes him by the collar and pulls him down on top of her. When he gets close enough, he grabs the knife and tries to stab her with it. She counters his attack and flips him over, grabbing the knife. Before she can attack, the door bursts open and DEAN and CHUCK enter.

CHUCK
I am the prophet Chuck!

LILITH
You've got to be joking.

She leaves SAM and approaches CHUCK.

DEAN
Oh, this is no joke.
(The room begins to tremble, and a great white light pours in through the windows. This builds over the following.)
You see, Chuck here's got an archangel on his shoulder. You've got about 10 seconds before this room is full of wrath and you're a piece of charcoal. You sure you want to tangle with that?

LILITH gives SAM one last look, then pours screaming out of her vessel's mouth.

END ACT FOUR

EPILOGUE

EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

DEAN is driving, SAM is in the passenger's seat. The rear window is still busted, still clumsily covered in a tarp flapping in the wind.

DEAN
So a deal, huh?

SAM
That's what she said.

DEAN
To call the whole thing off – angels, seals, Lucifer rising, the whole nine?

SAM
That was the gist of it.

DEAN
Huh.

SAM
What?

DEAN
You didn't think once about taking it?

SAM
You kidding me? Dude, you spent all day trying to talk me off the Lilith track.

DEAN
I'm just saying...

SAM
She would have found some way to weasel out of it. And all it would have cost us was our lives.

DEAN
Yeah, I guess you're right.

SAM
Anyway, that's not the point.

DEAN
What's the point?

SAM
The point is, she's scared. I could see it. Lilith is running.

DEAN
Running from what?

SAM
Don't know. But she was telling the truth about one thing.

DEAN
What's that?

SAM
She's not gonna survive the apocalypse. I'll make sure of that.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE - NIGHT

CHUCK is asleep on the couch, having another dream. We don't see what he's seeing. He wakes suddenly, violently.

ZACHARIAH
Did you see it?

CHUCK
Who are you?

ZACHARIAH
I'm Zachariah. You may know me from your work.

CHUCK
What do you want?

ZACHARIAH
Did you see it?

CHUCK
(he nods)
Is it true? Is all of that... really going to happen?

ZACHARIAH
Have you been wrong so far?

CHUCK
(getting up and heading for a door)
I've got to warn Sam and Dean.

ZACHARIAH
I wouldn't advise it. People shouldn't know too much about their own destiny. You try... and I'll stop you.
(CHUCK stops; then starts going off in another direction)
Where are you going?

CHUCK
To go kill myself.

ZACHARIAH
Don't be melodramatic, Chuck. We'd only bring you back to life.

CHUCK
What am I supposed to do?

ZACHARIAH
What you always do. Write.

END EPISODE