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4.18 The Monster at the End of This Book (transcript)

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→‎TEASER: fix tag

{{TranscriptHead

|Episode=[[4.18 The Monster ~~At The~~ at the End Of of This Book]]

|Writer=[[Julie Siege]]

|Director=[[Mike Rohl]]

|AirDate= 2 Apr 2009}}

=== TEASER ===

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – NIGHT

CHUCK is sprawled on a couch sleeping with papers clutched to his chest; the coffee table is littered with unfinished food and drinks. He is in the throes of an intense dream: we see quick flashes of ~~Sam~~ SAM and ~~Dean~~DEAN, the ~~Impala~~IMPALA, and ~~Chuck~~ CHUCK himself. Cut to:

INT. COMIC BOOK SHOP – DAY

MAN BEHIND COUNTER

Uh...can I help you?

DEAN

MAN BEHIND COUNTER

Uh, I don't think so. Why?

SAM

"Supernatural" by Carver Edlund.

(he flips the book over, reads the back cover)

"Along a lonely ~~california~~ California highway, a mysterious woman in white lures men to their deaths."

SAM

(to the MAN)

We're gonna need all the copies of "Supernatural" you've got.

An altered title sequence follows, with illustrations from the book that include Romance-novel-style illustrations of SAM, DEAN, and other characters and ending with the title card:

=== ACT ONE===

INT. MOTEL ROOM – NIGHT

DEAN

Everything is in here. I mean everything. From the [[1.13_Route_666|racist truck]] to -- – to me having sex. I'm full-frontal in here, dude.

(he gets up and crosses to SAM)

How come we haven't heard of them before?

SAM

They're pretty obscure. I mean, almost zero circulation. Uh, started in '05. The publisher put out a couple dozen before going bankrupt. And, uh, the last one ~~-- ~~– "No Rest For The Wicked" --–

(he turns the laptop towards DEAN, displaying a web site listing the books)

Ends with you going to hell.

I reiterate. Freaking insane.

(browsing the site)

Check it out. There’s actually fans. There’s not many of them, but still. Did you read this?

SAM

DEAN

Although for fans, they sure do complain a lot. Listen to this – Simpatico says "the demon story line is trite, ~~cliche'd~~clichéd, and overall craptastic." Yeah, well, screw you, Simpatico. We lived it.

SAM

Yeah. Well, keep on reading. It gets better. DEAN There are "Sam girls" and "Dean girls" and -- – what's a "slash fan"?

SAM

As in... Sam-~~Slash~~slash-Dean. Together.

DEAN

SAM

AhYeah, that might not be so easy.

DEAN

PUBLISHER

Yep. Yeah. Gosh. These books... You know, they never really got the attention they deserved. All anybody wants to read anymore is that romance crap. You know -- – "Doctor Sexy, M.D."?

(scoffs)

Please.

SAM

Right. Well, we're hoping that our article can ... shine a light on an underappreciated series.

PUBLISHER

DEAN

Oh No, no, no, no ~~god~~. God, no. I mean, why -- – why would you want to do that? You know, it's, uh, such a complete series, what with Dean going to hell and all.

PUBLISHER

(getting very emotional)

My Oh, my god! That was one of my favorite ones, because Dean was so... strong... and sad and brave. And Sam... I mean, the best parts are when they'd cry. You know, like in -- – In "Heart," ~~When~~ when Sam had to kill Madison, the first woman since Jessica he really loved. And in "Home," when Dean had to call John and ask him for help.

(she turns away)

Gosh... if only real men were so open and ~~in-~~ in touch with their feelings.

DEAN

SAM

No! No, no, no. Never. (stammering)

DEAN

SAM

We -- – We are actually, um... big fans.

PUBLISHER

DEAN

Cover to cover.

SAM

Um-hmm.

PUBLISHER

DEAN

It’s a 1967 Chevy Impala.

PUBLISHER

SAM

That's my -- – Uh... that's Sam's birthday.

DEAN

PUBLISHER

Sam's score on the ~~lsat~~LSAT?

SAM

One...

(looking at DEAN, at a loss)

Seventy -four.?

PUBLISHER

PUBLISHER

Oh, no. I – No. ~~I’m sorry~~Sorry, I can’tdo that.

SAM

We just want to talk to him. You know, get the "~~supernatural~~Supernatural" story in his own words.

PUBLISHER

SAM

Please. Like I said -- – we are, um... (he unbuttons his shirt, cringing a little, to reveal his demon-protection [[~~3.12_Jus_in_Bello~~Tattoos|tattoo]]) ...big...big fans.

Off SAM’s pointed look, DEAN rolls his eyes and displays his own tattoo. The woman licks her lips.

PUBLISHER

Okay.

(she scribbles something on a pad of paper)

His name's Chuck ~~Shirley~~Shurley. And he's a genius, so don't piss him off.

INT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

CHUCK

(reading)

"Sam and Dean approached the run-~~Down~~down..."

(sighs, makes a correction on the page)

"...~~Approached~~ approached the ramshackle house with trepidation."

EXT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

DEAN

You Chuck ~~Shirley~~Shurley?

SAM

The Chuck ~~Shirley~~ Shurley who wrote the "Supernatural" books?

CHUCK

DEAN

I'm Dean. This is Sam. The Dean and Sam you've been writing about.

(CHUCK closes the door. DEAN rings the bell again and CHUCK opens the door.)

CHUCK

DEAN

Then how do you know so much about demons? (he advances on CHUCK, who falls onto the couch) And Tulpas, and changelings?

CHUCK

EXT. CHUCK’S HOME – DAY

DEAN opens the trunk of the IMPALA, displaying the arsenal. We pan up to ~~CHUCK’S~~ CHUCK’s shocked face.

CHUCK

DEAN

Yup. This is real rock salt, these are real fake ~~ids~~IDs.

CHUCK

DEAN

Chuck, stop.

CHUCK

Please ~~wait~~. Wait. Please, don't hurt me.

SAM

DEAN

The question is how do you ~~know~~.

CHUCK

CHUCK

Yeah, even after the publisher went bankrupt, but those books never came out. Okay, wait a minute. This is some kind of joke, right? Did that -- – Did Phil put you up to this?

DEAN

CHUCK

The last names were never in the books. I never told ~~any~~ anybody about that. I never even wrote that down.

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – DAY

CHUCK

How else do you explain it? I write things and then they come to life. Yeah, no, I'm definitely a god. A cruel, cruel, capricious god. The things I put~~ ~~you through -- – The physical beatings alone.

DEAN

CHUCK

All for what? All for the sake of literary symmetry. I toyed with your lives, your emotions, for...~~Entertainment~~entertainment.

DEAN

INT. LAUNDROMAT – NIGHT

SAM is doing laundry as DEAN sits nearby, reading ~~from CHUCK’S~~ CHUCK’s latest manuscript.

DEAN

"I’m sitting in a laundromat, reading about myself sitting in a laundromat reading about myself ~~-–"~~ . My head hurts.

SAM

DEAN

"Sam tossed his gigantic darks into the machine. "He was starting to have doubts about Chuck, about whether he was telling the whole truth.”

SAM

Stop it.

DEAN

"'Stop it,' Sam said." Guess what you do next.

=== ACT TWO ===

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE – DAY

CHUCK

No, uh, this time she's a -- "~~Comely~~ comely dental hygienist from Bloomington, Indiana."

DEAN

Great. Perfect. So what happens after the... "~~Fiery~~ fiery demonic" whatever?

CHUCK

CHUCK

It flowed. It just, it kept flowing. ~~Still~~ It still does. I-I can't stop it, really.

SAM

You can't seriously believe --–

DEAN

Take a look at these and see what's what.

(to CHUCK)

You --–

CHUCK

EXT. ROAD – DAY

DEAN is driving, . SAM sits beside him reading the latest chapter.

SAM

Dean, come on.

(reading)

"The minivan accident wasn't that bad, but Dean was still seeing stars. He scratched absently at the pink~~-Flower band~~flower Band-Aids on his face."

DEAN

SAM

So, I've seen you gushing blood. You'd use duct tape and bar rags before you'd put on a pink~~-Flower band~~flower Band-Aid.

DEAN

SAM

My point is this -- – all of this ~~-- is-~~– is totally implausible, it's nuts.

DEAN

SAM

(scoffs, continues reading)

Huh. "Dean slid behind the wheel of his beloved Impala and drove off, the plastic tarp on the rear window flapping like the wings of a crow."

DEAN

DEPUTY

To get to the highway, you have to cross that river. To cross the river, you have to take that bridge.

DEAN

DEAN

It's a blueprint of what not to do. I mean, if the pages~~ ~~say that we go left --–

SAM

Then we go right.

WAITRESS

Well, if you like burgers, Oprah's girlfriend said we have the best bacon cheeseburgers in the country.

(SAM laughs)

DEAN

DEAN

Are you --–

(trying very hard not to get angry)

It frustrates me when you say such reckless things.

Thank you.

(The waitress leaves; DEAN leans in close.)

It's not hiding. It's being smart. It's picking your battles. ~~And this~~ This is a battle that we are not ready to fight.

(He takes a huge bite of his burger and his eyes widen in surprise.)

Oh, my god. This is delicious. Tofu is amazing!

(approaching, flustered)

I am so sorry. I gave you the bacon cheeseburger by mistake.

(she takes his plate away)

SAM scowls.

DEAN

Couple of hex bags ought to Lilith-~~Proof~~ proof the room.

SAM

DEAN

That's exactly what you're gonna do, okay? And no research. I don't care what you do ~~-- Use~~ – use the ~~magic fingers~~ [[Magic Fingers]] or, watch Casa Erotica on Pay-Per-View.

(He reaches into SAM’s bag and pulls out SAM’s laptop, smiling.)

He smiles, pleased with himself, and leaves. Sam fumes.

EXT.– DAY

As DEAN drives away from the motel, we pan up to the neon sign out front. The word "Toreador" sputters and several of the lights burn out. The remaining letters spell: RE D

ELSEWHERE, DEAN parks the ~~Impala~~ IMPALA and gets out. He checks the doors, then walks away across the street. Moments later, he looks back to see two teenagers attempting to break into the car. He runs towards them.

DEAN

SAM

Have you seen visions of me ~~When~~ when I'm not with Dean?

CHUCK

SAM

What choice have I got? If it helps me kill Lilith and stop the apocalypse --–

CHUCK

I thought that was Dean's job. That's what the ~~Angels~~ angels say, right?

SAM

Dean’s not...he's not Dean lately. ~~Since~~ Ever since he got out of hell. He needs help.

CHUCK

SAM

Well, he's looked ~~after~~ out for me my whole life. I can't return the favor?

CHUCK

Yeah, sure you can. I mean , if that's what this is.

SAM

CHUCK

I'm sorry, Sam. I know it's a terrible burden -- – feeling that it all rests on your shoulders.

SAM

DEAN

(incoherently)

Stars.

WOMAN

You're all better now.

We finally see the left side of DEAN’s face, which is covered in pink flowery Band-Aids. He looks across the street and stares in horror: The ~~Impala’s~~ IMPALA’s back window is shattered.

DEAN

NoOh, no...

He approaches the car, fuming. He catches a glimpse of himself in the side window and sees the Band-Aids. Frowning, he slowly peels one off.

DEAN

That it? Every damn thing you write about me comes true; that’s all you have to say ~~to me~~ is "oh"?!

CHUCK

=== ACT THREE ===

CHUCK

CASTIEL

It's an honor to meet you, Chuck. I...admire your work.

CASTIEL picks up one of the books and starts paging through it.

DEAN

Whoa, whoa, what? This guy, a prophet? Come on, he's -- – he's... he's practically a ~~penthouse forum~~ Penthouse Forum writer.

(to CHUCK)

Did you know about this?

DEAN

(more quietly, to ~~Castiel~~CASTIEL)

This is the guy who decides our fate?

CASTIEL

He isn't deciding anything. He's a mouthpiece ~~-- A~~ – a conduit for the inspired word.

DEAN

CASTIEL

One day, these books ~~-- They~~– they'll be known as the Winchester gospel.

DEAN and CHUCK (unison)

CHUCK

~~(fed up) ~~

If you'd both please excuse me one minute.

EXT. "RE D MOTEL" - NIGHT

DEAN drives to the motel, parks, and gets out of the car. He notices that the altered sign~~, that it~~ now reads as ~~CHUCK’S~~ CHUCK’s manuscript ~~had~~ predicted. He shakes his head and goes to the room.

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

DEAN

Anywhere, okay? Out of this motel, out of this town. I don't care if we got to~~ ~~swim, we are getting out.

(He looks around, confused.)

Dude, where are all the hex bags?

SAM

Look, if Lilith is coming, which is a big "if" --–

DEAN

DEAN

Well, I feel stupid doing this. But...I am fresh out of options. So please. I need some help. I'm praying, okay? Come on. Please.

CASTIEL

Prayer is a sign of faith. This is a good thing,Dean.

DEAN

DEAN

Drag Sam out of here ~~-- Now~~, now. Before Lilith shows up.

CASTIEL

What you're asking, it's... not within my power to do.

DEAN

Why? 'Cause it's "divine prophecy"?

DEAN

So,what -- – We're just supposed to sit around and, and wait for it to happen?

CASTIEL

DEAN

Screw you. You and your mission. Your God. If you don't help me now, then when the time comes and you need me...don't bother knocking.

DEAN brushes past CASTIEL and begins to walk away, but he stops at CASTIEL'S s voice.

CASTIEL

Dean. Dean.

DEAN

CASTIEL

If anything threatens a prophet, anything at all, an archangel will appear~~ ~~to destroy that threat. Archangels are fierce. They're absolute. They're heaven's most terrifying weapon.

DEAN

DEAN

So if a prophet was in the same room as a demon --–

CASTIEL

CHUCK

Are you insane? Lilith? I know what she's capable of, Dean -- . I~~ ~~wrote her.

DEAN

All right, listen to me. You have an archangel tethered to you,okay? All you got to do is show up and boom! -- Lilith gets smoked.

CHUCK

But I-I haven't seen that yet. Th-the story --–

DEAN

CHUCK

But...I'm just a writer.

DEAN

DEAN

Okay, well, then, how about this -- – I've got a gun in my pocket, and if you don't come with me, I'll blow your brains out.

CHUCK

INT. MOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

SAM hears a knock at the door and approaches it slowly. He turns the handle carefully, then flings the door open. The doorway is empty. ~~Cautiously~~He closes the door, he turns around and sees:

LILITH

Hello,Sam.

SAM

=== ACT FOUR ===

LILITH

LILITH

For it to go back to the way it was. Before I had angels to deal with 24/7. The good old days, ~~When~~ when it was all baby blood all the time.

SAM

LILITH

Your head on a stick. Dean's, too. Call it a consolation prize. So what do you say, Sam? Self-~~Sacrifice~~ sacrifice is the Winchester way, isn't it?

SAM

(She pats the bed.)

SAM approaches; LILITH runs a hand up his leg as her eyes turn white. She takes him by the collar and pulls him down on top of her. When he gets close enough, he grabs the knife and tries to stab her with it. She counters his attack and flips him over, ~~grabs~~ grabbing the knife. Before she can attack, the door bursts open and ~~in rushes:~~DEAN and CHUCK enter.

CHUCK

You've got to be joking.

She leaves SAM and approaches CHUCK.

DEAN

~~This~~ Oh, this is no joke.

(The room begins to tremble, and a great white light pours in through the windows. This builds over the following.)

~~See~~You see, Chuck here's got an archangel on his shoulder. You've got about 10 seconds before this room is full of wrath and you're a piece of charcoal. You sure you want to tangle with that?

LILITH gives SAM one last look, then pours screaming out of her vessel's mouth.

END ACT FOUR

=== EPILOGUE ===

EXT. ROAD – NIGHT

DEAN

To call the whole thing off ~~-- Angels~~– angels, seals, Lucifer rising, the whole nine?

SAM

SAM

She would have found some way to weasel out of it. And all it would have~~ ~~cost us was our lives.

DEAN

INT. CHUCK’S HOUSE - NIGHT

CHUCK is ~~in bed~~asleep on the couch, having another dream. We don't see what he's seeing. He wakes suddenly, violently.

ZACHARIAH

CHUCK

(he nods)

Is it true? Is all of that...really going to happen?

ZACHARIAH

SpelCheque

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4.18 The Monster at the End of This Book (transcript)

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