2.18 Hollywood Babylon (transcript)
Written by: Ben Edlund
Directed by: Phil SgricciaAir Date: 19 Apr 2007
FADE IN: WOODS - NIGHT
A young girl, WENDY, is exiting an abandoned house. She is searching with a flashlight, clearly scared.
WENDY Mitch? Ashley? You out here?
Come on, guys! Where are you?
BRODY Ashley and Todd - they're dead! Wendy, they're dead!
WENDY Brody, pull it together.
BRODY Pull it together?! We don't have a chance, okay? We have to get out of here now!
WENDY No, Brody, we are not leaving. We have got to find my sister.
BRODY No! No, I am getting out of here right now!
He runs off in the other direction.
WENDY Brody! Brody, get back here! Brody! God, you son of a bitch!
She hears movement behind her and stops crying. When she turns, she lets out a long, loud scream, that's sort of a yell, but quickly begins to look annoyed.
It is revealed that the girl is on a movie set. A camera is in her face, with a tennis ball fixed to the top, representing the monster she's supposed to be screaming at. She stops screaming, looking disgusted. The director, McG, watches from the sidelines.
McG Cut! (under his breath to the other guy) What the hell was that? To crew: Don't mark that.
The lights come up on the set. A props guy takes the flashlight from the actress playing Wendy, TARA BENCHLEY. A production assistant, WALTER DIXON, hands TARA a Snapple.
WALTER Here you go.
TARA Thanks, Walter.
McG walks over to TARA, who is shaking up her drink.
McG It's all good, Tara, that was great. Let's do it again. Uh, maybe try dialing up that scream, huh?
TARA I know. I know. I'm just... I'm having trouble with the tennis ball.
McG Oh, that is just for CG registration. Now, when Ivan and the FX guys are done, it is going to look terrifying. Do you wanna look at the concept sketches again? Will that help?
An assistant brings over a notebook full of sketches of the monster.
TARA No, that's okay. I'll find it, I'll find it.
McG I know you will, pumpkin, huh? Okay
SET WORKER into mike: Going again, everybody! Ten-minute reload for camera and sound!
TARA sits in her chair by RICK, the actor playing Brody. Another set worker, FRANK, is talking to them.
FRANK Wow, man, I'm telling you - working alone behind the sets, or after wrap? I catch this weird vibe sometimes.
RICK Oh, like what?
FRANK Like something's watching.
RICK (scoffs) Come on.
FRANK Hey, working on a movie like this? Weird crap's bound to happen.
RICK (to TARA) Frank here thinks the stage is haunted. Like, for real.
FRANK All I'm saying is, they call wrap, I'd get done, and I get out of here. Fast.
He walks away.
RICK That guy is definitely off his meds. Whoo!
CUT TO: Later, TARA is standing in the middle of the "woods", going over her lines and practicing screams.
TARA Brody, come back! You son of a bitch!
She tries practicing the scream, but she can't quite get it.
TARA (cont'd) Brody, come back! You son of a bitch!
Again, she tries screaming. Suddenly, she hears a groaning sound on the set nearby.
TARA Hello? Guys? Come on, it's not funny. (No answer) Okay, hahaha, very funny. (Again, she hears some sound, like panting) Hello? Who's there?
She keeps walking among the forest scenery, until she sees a baseball cap fall in front of her. She looks up to the scaffolding and very quickly sees a male ghost, before it vanishes. Then, she notices that FRANK is dead, lying on his stomach while blood covers his face. She lets out a long, bloodcurdling scream.
On the other side of the set, McG and the production crew hear TARA'S scream.
McG (loudly, in approval) Now that's what I'm talkin' about!
EXT. LOS ANGELES, WARNER BROS. STUDIOS - DAY
SAM and DEAN are taking part in the trolley tour of the studio, passing by movie and television sets.
TOUR GUIDE First opened in 1927, the lot has been in continuous operation for eight decades.
DEAN turns to a kid next to him, eating ice cream.
DEAN Hey, you know this is where they filmed Creepshow?
The boy ignores him.
TOUR GUIDE Now, to the right, here is Stars Hollow. It's the setting for the television series, Gilmore Girls. And if we're lucky, we might even catch one of the show's stars.
SAM, looking uncomfortable, turns to DEAN.
SAM Come on.
DEAN Let's finish the tour!
SAM hops off the trolley.
DEAN hops off as well, and they continue walking around the lot.
DEAN Sammy, check it out, it's Matt Damon!
SAM Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's not Matt Damon.
DEAN No, it is.
SAM Well, Matt Damon just picked up a broom and started sweeping.
DEAN Yeah, well, he's probably researching a role or something.
SAM I don't think so. (noticing a sign) Hey, this way. I think Stage 9 is over here.
DEAN Come on, man, let's keep going this way.
SAM No, come on, we've gotta work. (DEAN sighs) Dude, you wanted to come to LA.
DEAN Yeah, for a vacation. I mean, swimming pools and movie stars, not to work.
SAM This seem like swimming pool weather to you, Dean? I mean, it's practically Canadian.
DEAN Yeah. I just figured that after everything that happened with Madison, you could use a little R-and-R, that's all.
SAM Well, maybe I wanna work, Dean. Maybe it keeps my mind off things.
DEAN Okay, okay. All right. So, this crew guy - he died on set?
SAM Yeah, rumors spreading like wildfire online saying the set's haunted.
DEAN Like Poltergeist?
SAM It could be a poltergeist.
DEAN No, no. Like, the movie Poltergeist. (SAM shrugs) You know nothing of your cultural heritage, do you? It was rumored that the set of Poltergeist was cursed. That they used real human bones as props. And, like, at least three of the actors died in it.
SAM Yeah, it might be something like that.
DEAN All right, so this crew guy - what's his name?
SAM Frank Jaffey.
DEAN Frank Jaffey - he got a death certificate or a coroner's report or anything?
SAM Well, no. But it's LA, you know? It might not even be his real name. But the girl who found him said she saw something - a vanishing figure.
DEAN What's the girl's name?
SAM Tara Benchley.
DEAN Whoa, whoa, Tara Benchley? From FeardotCom and Ghost Ship, Tara Benchley? Dude, why didn't you say so?
SAM So now, you're suddenly on board?
DEAN (becoming serious) Oh, I mean, I'm just a fan of her work. She's very good.
He walks away
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET
One of the studio execs for the movie, BRAD REDDING, is talking to McG and the producer, JAY WILEY.
BRAD No, look, don't get me wrong. Everyone at the studio loves the dailies, myself included. We were just wondering if it could be... you know, a little brighter.
BRAD Yeah, Jay. More color. McG, you know what I'm saying, you're the master of that stuff.
McG Brad, this is a horror movie.
BRAD And who says horror has to be dark? It's sort of depressing, don't you think?
He notices SAM and DEAN enter the set.
BRAD Uh, excuse me, Green Shirt Guy? (DEAN points to himself) Yeah, you. Come here.
DEAN exchanges a look with SAM and walks to BRAD.
BRAD Can you get me a smoothie from Kraft?
DEAN You want a what from who?
BRAD (scoffs) You are a P.A.? This is what you do?
SAM quickly walks over to "save" DEAN.
SAM Yeah, yeah... uh, one smoothie coming right up.
They walk away.
DEAN What's a P.A.?
SAM I think they're kind of like slaves.
They give BRAD a thumbs-up.
BRAD They'll let anybody in this business, huh?
Later, the cast and crew are getting ready to resume shooting. DEAN sets down the tray of smoothies he had gotten and starts to go up the stairs to the scaffolding. Suddenly, the lights on set go down, and the actors begin their take.
McG Why don't we take it from, "Come on, it'll be fun." And, action!
The actors are now standing inside the abandoned house, and "WENDY", played by TARA, has a book open in front of her.
WENDY (to her friends) Come on, it'll be fun.
She begins reading from the book in very choppy Latin. While she is doing so, DEAN makes his way up the scaffolding. He takes out his EMF meter and scans the area, but nothing happens. Meanwhile, TARA is trying her best to read the Latin, but is barely getting through it.
McG O.S Maybe we'll finish this up tomorrow.
TARA (breaking character) Oh my God, I hate you so much right now.
The cast and crew all begin laughing.
McG Very nice.
A few minutes later, SAM joins DEAN at the Kraft services table.
DEAN No EMF anywhere.
SAM Great. So, what do you think?
DEAN Well, I think being a P.A. sucks. But the food these people get, are you kidding me? Look at these things. (He picks up a sandwich) They're like miniature Philly cheesesteak sandwiches. They're delicious.
He holds one of them out to SAM.
SAM Maybe later.
DEAN shrugs and takes a huge bite.
DEAN What'd you find out about the dead crew guy?
SAM Frank Jaffey was just filling in for the day. Nobody here knew him or where he lived or anything.
DEAN Oh, great. So you found out about as much as I did.
SAM No, not quite-
WALTER Hey, guys.
DEAN Oh, hey.
He watches WALTER walk away with a sandwich.
DEAN (cont'd) They're wonderful!
SAM Listen, I did dig up some stuff about Stage 9's history.
SAM Yeah, four people died messy here over the past eighty years. Two suicides and two fatal accidents.
DEAN Any one of those could be a vengeful spirit.
SAM Yeah. We've just gotta narrow it down more.
DEAN smiles as he notices TARA walk onto set.
DEAN (fixated by her) I'll get right on that.
DEAN walks over to TARA, grabbing a call sheet from one of the set workers as he walks by. Nervously, he steps up to TARA.
DEAN Are you supposed to get one of these?
She looks up at him and smiles, noticing his good looks.
DEAN (cont'd) I don't really know what I'm doing.
TARA First day?
DEAN Yeah. My big break. (She laughs) You know, I know it's really uncool to say this, but I'm a big fan. I loved you in Boogeyman.
TARA Oh, God, what a terrible script. But thank you.
DEAN Yeah. (pause) You found him, right? The dead guy? (She goes quiet and looks away) I'm sorry, you probably don't even wanna talk about this.
TARA No, no, actually. It's okay. Nobody around here really brings it up very much. I think they're all scared I'm gonna have some kind of breakdown.
DEAN That must have been awful. What happened?
TARA It was horrible. There was all this blood coming from his eyes and from his mouth. And, uh... I saw this, um...
She stops, embarrassed.
TARA I saw this shape. To tell you the truth, I don't know actually what I saw. I just know I saw it.
WALTER (handing her a Snapple) Here you go, Tara.
TARA Thanks, Walter.
He walks away.
DEAN So, this crew guy, Frank - did you know him?
TARA No, not that well.
DEAN It's funny, it's like no one around here actually knew the guy.
TARA I've got his picture.
DEAN You do?
TARA (smiling) Yeah. I take Polaroids of all the crew. It's just one of those things you do to kill time on set.
She flips through a binder until she finds his picture.
TARA (cont'd) Right there.
DEAN looks at it closely and notices something.
DEAN Son of a bitch.
INT. ST. JAMES RESIDENCE
There is a knock on the door. A man opens it to see SAM and DEAN outside.
DEAN Gerard St. James?
The man, who looks exactly like FRANK, nods.
SAM You're still alive. And you're not Frank Jaffey.
GERARD Uh, no.
DEAN You were Desert Soldier Number Four in Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn?
GERARD I was.
DEAN I knew I recognized you. I am a huge fan. I mean, your turn as a tractor crash victim in Critters 3?
GERARD Critters 3!
DEAN Wow. Yeah.
GERARD Well, please, come in.
They enter the house while GERARD brings them coffee. There are pictures lining the walls of GERARD, merely an actor, portraying various characters.
GERARD Yeah, it was the producers. They brought me up for the day to play Frank.
DEAN Just to fake your death?
GERARD Well, rumors of a haunted film set, free publicity, especially when you're making a horror movie. It's already all over the Internet.
SAM Yeah. We know.
GERARD These days, it's all about new media, building buzz. They say I'm the new LonelyGirl.
SAM And the ghost Tara saw?
GERARD Projected on a screen of diffusion.
DEAN Isn't that kind of cruel? Messing with their heads like that?
GERARD Hey, I just play the part. I don't write the script. Speaking of, I'm playing Willy in a dinner theatre production of Salesman at Costa Mesa, all next month. (He hands DEAN a flyer) You get a free pepper steak with the coupon.
DEAN Now, wait a second. If you're seen in public, won't that ruin the hoax?
GERARD Oh, please. Frank and Willy? Totally different characters.
SAM You know what? Thanks very much, Mr. St. James. It was just nagging at us. But we're very glad... you know, you're alive and well.
DEAN Absolutely. (GERARD shakes both their hands) Hey, I wanted to ask you... what was it like working with Richard Moll? (to a confused SAM) Metalstorm. He was Hurok, King of the Cyclops people.
GERARD Gentlemen's gentleman.
DEAN Yeah? (chuckles, brandishing the theatre coupon) All right. Pepper steak.
STAGE 9 MOVIE SET
The actors playing "MITCH" and "KENDRA" are filming in the abandoned house.
MITCH When we read from that book, we must have brought them back. Back from hell.
While "KENDRA" delivers her line, DAVE, the sound guy, receives a staticky feedback through his headphones, distorting the dialogue.
MITCH It doesn't matter. We're not going anywhere until we find Wendy and her sister. Got it? Good. Now let's get busy.
McG Cut! Very nice.
DAVE No good for sound. I'm getting some kind of feedback.
The cast and crew sigh.
SET WORKER Another costly sound delay. All right, we're going again for sound, people!
DAVE Thank you!
On another area of set, BRAD is talking with McG and the writer, MARTY.
BRAD No, no, look. It's a great scene, really, dynamite. But I've still got a few...not problems, just questions.
McG (annoyed) Like what?
BRAD Well, for one thing, the rules aren't really landing for me. Like, the kids do this Latin chant, and that makes the ghosts show up?
BRAD See, but if the ghosts are in hell, how do they hear the chanting? I mean, what do they have, super-hearing? It's a logic bump. The rules don't track.
McG Marty, you're the writer.
MARTY What if I throw in an explainer?
BRAD Yeah, that'd be super. Excuse me, I've gotta check some messages.
He leaves, focused on his Bluetooth.
BRAD wanders off to another area of set, alone. While looking at his Blackberry, he notices a woman behind him. She is in ghostly white make-up from head to toe, dressed in a robe. She is wearing dark lipstick and has black marks on her neck, clearly formed by ropes. She doesn't say anything, but smirks at him.
BRAD Has McG seen this? I like the whole body paint, black-and-white thing. But gee, I don't think those neck wounds are really gonna read on camera. They need to be red. You know what I'm saying? (calling to the other end of set) Hey, Jay? I need to speak to make-up right away.
The woman moves closer and taps him on the shoulder. He turns back around to face her.
The woman, still silent, takes off her robe in front of him. BRAD watches as she turns and walks up the stairs to the scaffolding.
BRAD (smirking) Be right up.
A few minutes later, the actors have resumed filming.
MITCH When we read from that book, we must have brought them back. Back from hell.
KENDRA But I don't understand. If they were in hell, how could they hear our chanting?
MITCH They must have super-hearing!
Suddenly, the ceiling of the abandoned house caves in, and BRAD falls through, hanging from a noose. The actors scream and run off set. BRAD'S Bluetooth falls to the floor as he hangs there, dead.
CUT TO: THE NEXT MORNING
The actors are filming once again, where they had left off the previous day. TARA'S character, "WENDY", enters the abandoned house.
WENDY Oh, Mitch! God, you're alive!
MITCH You can't get rid of me that easy.
McG Rumble, rumble, rumble!
WENDY Salt. Okay, we need salt. I read in that book that it keeps ghosts away.
MITCH Kendra, Logan, you guys check the back.
Off-camera, MARTY begins whispering to the producer, JAY.
MARTY Jay, the poor bastard killed himself. Like, for real. Shouldn't we shut it down or something?
JAY We had a moment of silence for him at breakfast. He was just a studio guy.
WENDY (to "MITCH") I love you.
MITCH I know.
He shines his flashlight directly in her face.
MITCH (cont'd) (breaking character) Sorry.
TARA (breaking character) Can we cut or something?
McG Uh... yeah, cut. Cut!
DEAN (wearing a headset) That's a cut!
He resumes eating his taquito.
McG (approaching TARA) Hey, what's up?
TARA I'm sorry. I'm just a little upset.
McG Well, with everything that's been going on around here, who can blame you?
TARA I just can't wrap my head around the dialogue, you know? Salt? Doesn't that sound silly? I mean, why would a ghost be afraid of salt?
McG Okay, um... Marty?
McG What do you think?
MARTY Not married to salt, what do you want? We still sticking with condiments?
McG It just sounds different, not better. What else would a ghost be scared of?
WALTER (standing next to DEAN) Oh, you've gotta be kidding me.
MARTY (to JAY) What would a ghost be scared of? Maybe shotguns.
McG Okay, that makes even less sense than salt.
WALTER These people are idiots.
He leaves. SAM approaches DEAN.
DEAN Walter's a little testy for a P.A., huh?
SAM How's it going in here?
DEAN It is going really good, man. Tara's really stepped up her performance. I think it's probably from all the sense memory stuff she's drawing on.
SAM Sense memory?
SAM Dean, you know when I ask how it's going in here, I'm talking about the case, right? We don't really work here. You know, I thought you hated being a P.A.
DEAN I don't know. It's not so bad. I kind of feel like part of the team, you know? (holding out his plate) Taquito? They're wonderful.
SAM No. Umm.. Listen, I conned my way into the morgue.
SAM News reports were right: Brad's a doornail, no question.
DEAN (into his headset) Copy that. (to Sam) I'm sorry, what?
SAM Copy that?
DEAN What did you say?
SAM The news reports were right. Brad's a doornail-
DEAN (into his headset) They are aware.
SAM Who's aware?
DEAN (to Sam) I'm sorry, what were you saying?
SAM Uh.. The newspaper's right: Brad's a doornail, no question about it.
DEAN I guess it's a good thing we didn't skip town.
DEAN Oh, come here. I want you to hear something. (into his headset) Copy that. On my way.
He leads SAM over to the sound guy, DAVE.
DEAN Hey, Dave. Can you play him that thing you were playing me earlier?
He hands a pair of headphones to SAM.
SAM listens to the audio of one of the scenes in the movie. Midway through the dialogue, the sound becomes staticky and distorted. SAM exchanges a look with DEAN.
INT. BACKSTAGE - LATER
DEAN From the night of Brad's stage dive. All of a sudden, I'm getting electromagnetic readings up the wazoo. For some reason, it's a legit haunting now.
SAM Well, who's the ghost, Dean? What's it want?
DEAN I don't know. I think we should take a look at Brad's death scene.
Outside in the lot, DEAN leads SAM to one of the trailers. Once inside, DEAN pops a DVD into the television.
SAM Hey, where'd you get this DVD?
DEAN They're called dailies. I got it from Cindy. She's kind of got this on-and-off thing going with Drew. He dubbed me an extra copy.
They watch the footage of the scene, complete with BRAD'S surprise entrance.
DEAN All right, here's where the guy fell through the roof.
DEAN All right, here we go.
MITCH (from the tape) They must have super-hearing.
Suddenly, BRAD falls through the ceiling of the set, hanging by a noose.
SAM Hey, wait, go back, go back. (DEAN rewinds the tape) Right after. Right aft- yeah right. Wait. There.
DEAN pauses the frame. On the screen, we see a completely different set and standing in the far corner of the set, is the ghostly white woman who led BRAD to his death.
DEAN It's like Three Men and a Baby all over again. (SAM looks at him, confused) Selleck, Danson, and Guttenberg. And... I don't know who played the baby.
SAM What's your point?
DEAN There's a scene in the movie where people say that the camera caught a ghost on film. Apparently, in the background of one of the scenes, there was this boy that nobody remembers from set. Spirit photography.
SAM (looking at the woman) I've seen her before.
INT. STAGE 9 BEHIND THE MOVIE SET
DEAN, headset in place, is sitting with SAM at a table. SAM hands him a print-out of an article.
SAM Here. Check this out.
DEAN (into his headset) Yeah, go for Ozzy. (...) No, I don't have a 20 on Tara, I think she's 10-100. (...) Okay, copy that. (to SAM) I'm sorry, what were you saying?
SAM Elise Drummond -- starlet back in the thirties. Had an affair with a studio exec. He uses her up, fires her, leaves her destitute, so Elise hangs herself from Stage 9's rafters, right into a scene they're shooting.
DEAN Just like our man, Brad. So, what, she's got it in for the studio brass?
SAM Possibly. I mean, it's a motive. And Brad's death matches hers exactly.
DEAN We're digging tonight, aren't we?
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - LATER
The crew is cleaning up for the day.
SET WORKER That's a wrap, people! 6:00 AM call for crew tomorrow!
JAY Great work, everybody! McG, you're a genius. (He shakes McG's hand) You're kicking ass and taking names.
McG Night, Jay.
EXT. "HOLLYWOOD FOREVER" CEMETARY - NIGHT
SAM and DEAN are walking through, shovels in hand.
SAM Which way?
DEAN (reading a map) Uh... over here. Hey.
DEAN gestures to a memorial for Humpty Dumpty.
DEAN This map is totally worth the five bucks! Hey, we've gotta go check out Johnny Ramone's grave when we're done here.
SAM You wanna dig him up, too?
DEAN Bite your tongue, heathen! (passing another memorial) Oh, that's cool.
SAM You know, Dean, what I don't get is why now? I mean, after seventy-five years, Elise Drummond suddenly goes homicidal, you know? Why this movie?
DEAN Well, maybe she's mad they're making a scary ghost flick.
SAM Come on, is it really that scary?
DEAN Here we go.
They reach Elise's headstone.
SAM Yep. All right.
They start digging.
STAGE 9 MOVIE SET
JAY is all alone on the dark set, talking on his cell phone.
JAY I know. No, I friggin' hate McG's dailies. I can't control the guy. I'm telling you, next one, I'm directing myself. (...) What, you? No, Bob. You, I love. You're a genius! You're kicking ass and taking names. (...) Yeah, okay. Yeah. Talk to you later, babe. (He hangs up) What a dick.
The lights suddenly go out on the set.
JAY Oh, great. Hey, guys! Producer walking here, hello!
EXT. "HOLLYWOOD FOREVER" CEMETARY
The boys have finished digging and open the coffin to see Elise's corpse. They pour salt over the bones and burn them.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET
While JAY tries to get around the forest scenery in the dark, he sees a man walk by.
JAY Hey! Hey, pal! Can you show me to the exit? I can't see a damn thing here. (The man, turned away from JAY, doesn't move) Hey! Hey, putz! I'm talking to you! Somebody could get hurt here.
Suddenly, the man turns around. His face has been slashed, and a section of his skull has been split open. He has blood running down his mouth. JAY screams and falls to the ground.
JAY What the hell?
Suddenly, the fans on set turn on by themselves. The ghost flickers and vanishes. JAY tries to crawl away, but the fan drags him backwards. He gets sucked into the fan and torn apart, blood spraying everywhere.
CUT TO: "HELL HAZERS 2" MOVIE TRAILER
The preview for the film, "Hell Hazers 2" begins playing on the screen. "WENDY" enters the abandoned house, flashlight in hand.
VOICEOVER They never forgive. They never forget.
WENDY (in the woods) Mitch? Ashley?
VOICEOVER And this summer, they're coming back again to settle the score... ...again.
WENDY You out here?
She suddenly turns and looks into the camera and screams. There is a quick montage of clips from the film.
BRODY Ashley and Todd - they're dead! Wendy, they're dead!
MITCH These bastards aren't taking us. Not without a fight.
BRODY I am getting out of here right now!
Short clips from the movie play on the screen: "WENDY" reading in Latin, "KENDRA" screaming, the characters running through the woods.
VOICEOVER From the producers of Cornfield Massacre, Monster Truck, and the director of Charlie's Angels, Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle, and Hell Hazers, comes a new experience in terror.
MITCH V.O We must have brought them back. Back from hell. Again.
VOICEOVER Hell Hazers 2: The Reckoning. This film is not yet rated.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - MORNING
SAM and DEAN watch as the police examine the crimescene where JAY was killed.
SAM Run-in with a giant fan. Same thing happened to an electrician back in '66, a guy named Billy Beard.
DEAN What the hell, dude?
SAM I don't know. Doesn't seem like Elise this time, either. It's not her M.O.
DEAN No, we already torched her. So, what, are we dealing with another ghost?
DEAN Yeah, but these things don't usually tag-team.
EXT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET
Outside in the lot, McG is getting out of his car. He gathers the cast and crew, including DEAN and SAM.
McG Everybody! Gather around, okay! I've got an announcement to make. (handing his car keys to a P.A.) Hold that for me. (calling out) Everyone! Huddle in! In light of Jay's accident last night, and in cooperation with the authorities, we're shutting down production for a few days. I know, I know. Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. We've had a few setbacks this week. But we all know what Jay and Brad wanted more than anything. And that was to see Hell Hazers 2: The Reckoning on screens all across America! Now, we owe it to them to go on and to pull together and make this damn movie, huh?
There is cheers and applause from the crowd.
McG But not today. Go home. Someone will call you.
INT. TRAILER - LATER
SAM is back inside, watching more of the dailies. "WENDY" is reading in Latin when she is interrupted by "KENDRA".
KENDRA Wendy, don't.
WENDY What are you, afraid of ghosts? Come on, it'll be fun.
SAM Hey. So, you find out where the electrician's buried?
DEAN He wasn't. Billy Beard was cremated.
SAM Great. Now what?
DEAN No idea. Anymore ghost cameos in the dailies?
SAM Not in the first six hours. You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because they think it sucks. Because, I mean, it kind of does.
WENDY Come on, it'll be fun.
She continues reading in Latin. SAM suddenly notices something and rewinds. He sits up and listens closer to the Latin.
SAM Listen to the invocation. Dean, that's the real deal -- a necromantic summoning ritual. What the hell is that doing in a Hollywood movie?
INT. MOVIE STUDIOS
MARTY, the writer, is on the phone in his office.
MARTY No, dude, we're down for a few days - force majeure. (...) Yeah. It's cool, though. Gives me time to pitch that time-travel thing. (...) Yeah. All right, get back to me on this, all right? Seriously. (...) No, I'm serious. (...) Dude, are you serious? 'Cause I'm serious. (He notices SAM and DEAN at the door) All right. Cool. (He hangs up) Guys, we're all shut down. What are you still doing here?
SAM Yeah, uh... sorry, man. We couldn't help ourselves. We just had to tell you that we read the script.
SAM Yeah. Uh... it's awesome.
SAM Really awesome.
MARTY I know, it's pretty rockin', right? I'm glad you guys liked it.
SAM Yeah, I really liked all the attention to detail.
MARTY Dude, right on, that's my thing. Color me guilty, but that is me. I'm a total detail buff.
SAM No, I can tell. I mean, the way you worked in all those Enochian summoning rituals and all the authentic language.
MARTY (smile fading) What, you mean that Latin crap? No, man, that's Walter. Walter Dixon, the original writer. You like that garbage?
DEAN Wait, "Walter the P.A." Walter?
MARTY No, he's not a P.A. He's got a clause in his contract that allows him to come on set.
DEAN But he wrote the invocations?
MARTY He wrote a whack-job screenplay. There's no pace, there's no love interest, it's all wackadoo exposition. I had to cut, like, ninety percent of it to make it readable, the other ten percent to make it good.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - LATER
The brothers are reading WALTER'S screenplay, Lord of the Dead.
DEAN Should've kept Walter's original script. It's actually pretty good.
SAM Yeah. And it reads like a how-to manual of conjuration, like a textbook on how to summon ghosts and get them to do whatever you want.
DEAN Yeah, like kill people.
SAM Yep. So, let's say somewhere down the line, Walter learned some pretty black magic.
DEAN Yeah. And let's say he's pissed at these people for wrecking his movie.
SAM Motive and means.
DEAN It's worth checking out.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET; FOREST SCENERY
MARTY is walking among the forest scenery and spots WALTER.
MARTY So, you wanted to meet? (No response) Hey, I'm a little busy here, buddy. I'm working on a script.
WALTER Oh, yeah. You guys worked on it a lot.
MARTY It needed work. Now, why couldn't we have done this in my office?
WALTER You know, the history, the lore in my draft was completely accurate. We could've gotten it right for the first time ever in this whorehouse of a town. But you tore it to shreds. You replaced it with cleavage and fart jokes. It was real.
MARTY Who gives a rat's ass about "real"? We're talking about ghosts here, Walter. There's no such thing.
WALTER That's where you're wrong, Martin.
He raises his hand, holding a talisman, and begins chanting in Latin. MARTY rolls his eyes.
MARTY Okay, nutjob. End of meeting.
He turns around and comes face-to-face with the same ghost that killed JAY. Screaming, he falls to the floor and begins to get dragged towards the fans.
MARTY Oh, God, no! Please, no!
WALTER You ruined it, Martin! Everything I worked for!
MARTY Oh, God! Walter!
WALTER Now you're gonna find out what being a ghost is really like.
MARTY Walter, please! Walter, help me!
Just as he is inches away from the fan, a shotgun goes off, blasting the ghost away. DEAN approaches, weapon in hand, while SAM turns off the fan.
MARTY You are one hell of a P.A.
DEAN Yeah, I know.
WALTER What are you doing?
SAM I could ask you the same thing, Walter.
WALTER begins climbing up the stairs to the scaffolding.
SAM (cont'd) Raising these spirits from the dead? Making them murder for you? That's playing with fire, Walter.
WALTER You don't understand.
SAM You know what? You're right, I don't understand.
WALTER Just... wait, look. You put your heart and soul into something, years of hard work. It's years, and then they take it! And they crap all over it! And then they want you to smile and say, "Thank you".
SAM Walter, listen. It's just a movie. That's it.
WALTER (scoffs) Look... I've got nothing against you, man. You're not part of this. Just please, please, just leave. But Martin's gotta stay.
DEAN Sorry, can't do that. It's not that we like him or anything, it's just a matter of principle.
WALTER Then I'm sorry, too.
He raises the talisman again.
SAM Walter. Walter, pl- don't.
WALTER begins his chanting. The set begins to shake, and three ghosts appear, including the man who murdered JAY.
He raises his gun. The ghosts, all of whom are deformed in some way, begin walking closer.
DEAN (cont'd) Come on, come on.
Suddenly, they disappear. Then, out of nowhere, SAM is knocked to the floor - the ghosts are now invisible. DEAN helps him up.
DEAN Come on, come on! Move!
The brothers and MARTY begin running away while the lights on set begin firing off. The three of them run into another building and shut the door behind them. DEAN reloads his gun.
DEAN quotes Bruce Willis as "John McClane" from "Die Hard", with accent and all. This includes the light shining down over his features, similar to that of the original "Die Hard" scene.
DEAN "Come out to the coast! We'll get together, have a few laughs!"
He looks angry and then he turns around and realizes they have entered the abandoned house set, and they haven't actually reached any real shelter.)
DEAN Oh, man!
MARTY I can't believe this. Ghosts are real!
DEAN What makes you say that?
They look around, ready to fight.
MARTY But I don't understand. How is Walter controlling them?
SAM Probably that talisman.
Suddenly, he takes out his cell phone.
MARTY What are you doing?
SAM I mean, if film cameras pick these suckers up, then... maybe...
He uses his cell phone camera to scan the room. The audience watches the screen on his cell-phone, together with him. He suddenly sees one of the ghosts a few feet away, heading straight for DEAN.
SAM Dean! Right there!
SAM points and DEAN shoots it. We see through SAM's cell how the ghost disappears.
SAM (cont'd) Got him. (He picks up another ghost) Hey! Right there!
DEAN shoots again. They then notice WALTER walking around the upper level. SAM hands his phone to MARTY.
SAM Here, you get the idea?
SAM All right, you hold them off. I'm going after Walter.
He leaves the set.
MARTY I cannot believe there's an afterlife.
DEAN Oh, there's an afterlife, all right. But mostly, it's a pain in the ass.
MARTY keeps scanning the room with the phone.
MARTY ducks to his left as DEAN shoots.
EXT. STAGE 9
WALTER leaves the set through the back exit and comes face-to-face with SAM.
SAM It's over, Walter. Now give it to me.
WALTER throws the talisman on the ground, shattering it.
WALTER There, okay? Now no one can have it.
SAM I wouldn't have done that if I were you.
WALTER Oh, yeah?
WALTER And why not?
SAM Because you just freed them. We can't stop them now. Walter, you brought them back, forced them to murder. They're not gonna be very happy with you.
MARTY and DEAN join them outside.
WALTER Yeah? So, why not?
He suddenly falls to the ground and begins screaming in pain. Blood begins to seep through his clothing. MARTY raises the cell phone and sees all of the ghosts tearing WALTER apart.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - A FEW DAYS LATER
The crew has resumed filming. "KENDRA" and "MITCH" are now in the abandoned house. "KENDRA" is scanning the room with her cell phone, the same kind as SAM has.
KENDRA Oh, God. Oh, God. There!
"MITCH" shoots. From the sidelines, McG is watching, ecstatic.
KENDRA But I don't understand. How can the spirits appear in the camera phone?
MITCH The video must pick up their frequencies in a way that our eyes can't.
KENDRA Oh, God. Oh, God. Right there!
"MITCH" shoots again.
McG Cut! Oh, print that one. That's in the movie! Loved it, kids. Loved it.
MARTY and SAM are also watching from the sidelines.
SAM You find out there's an afterlife, and this is what you do with it?
MARTY (grinning) I needed a little jazz on the page.
EXT. STAGE LOT
SAM is walking among the trailers. When he passes TARA'S trailer, the door opens, and DEAN comes out, clearly disheveled. DEAN smirks. TARA comes outside as well, wearing a robe.
TARA You're one hell of a P.A.
DEAN Thank you.
TARA (noticing Sam) Hi.
DEAN God, I love this town.