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TARA
(breaking character)
(sighs) Can we – can we cut or something?
McG
DEAN
(wearing a headset; loudly, to the crew)
That's a cut!
He resumes eating his taquito.
McG (to a crew)
Only I can say cut.
McG
McG
Well, with everything that's been going on around here, who can blame youya, huh?
TARA
I, I I just can't wrap my head around the dialoguedialog, you know? Salt? Doesn't that sound silly? I mean, why would a ghost be afraid of salt?
DEAN smirks.
MARTY
(to JAY)
What would a ghost be scared of? Maybe , uh, maybe shotguns.
McG
Okay, that makes even less sense than salt.
WALTER(irritated) These people are idiots. WALTER leaves in annoyance.
DEAN
SAM
Dean, you, you know when I ask how it's going in here, I'm talking about the case, right? We don't really work here. You know, I thought you hated being a P.A.
DEAN(shuffling his feet) I don't know. It's not so bad. I kind of feel like part of the team, you know?It's good –
(holding out his plate)
SAM
SAM
"Copy that"?
DEAN
SAM
Uh, uh .. . uh. The newspaper's right: Brad's a doornail, no question about it.
DEAN
Thanks.
SAM listens to the audio of one of the scenes in the movie. ('' Doesn't matter. We're not leaving til; we find Wendy and your sister. [static] '') Midway through the dialogue, the sound becomes staticky and distorted. SAM exchanges a look with DEAN.
DEAN
I don't know. I think we should take a look at Brad's death scene.
Daytime.
Outside in the lot, DEAN leads SAM to one of the trailers. Once inside, DEAN pops a DVD into the television.
MITCH
(from the tape)
''They must have super-hearing.''
Suddenly, BRAD falls through the ceiling of the set, hanging by a noose.
DEAN
It's like "Three Men and a Baby " all over again.
(SAM looks at him, confused)
Selleck, Danson, and Guttenberg. And... I don't know who played the baby.
DEAN
There's a scene in the movie where people say that the, the camera caught a ghost on film. Apparently, in the background of one of the scenes, there was this boy that nobody remembers from set. Spirit photography.
SAM
; SCENE
INT. STAGE 9 BEHIND THE MOVIE SET
(to SAM)
I'm sorry, what were you saying?
SAM shakes his head in exasperation.
SAM
Elise Drummond -- – starlet back in the thirties. Had an affair with a studio exec. He uses her up, fires her, leaves her destitute, so Elise hangs herself from Stage 9's rafters, right into a scene they're shooting.
DEAN
DEAN
We're digging tonight, aren't we?
EXT. "HOLLYWOOD FOREVER" CEMETARY CEMETERY - NIGHT
SAM and DEAN are walking through, shovels in hand.
DEAN
(reading a map)
Uh... over here. (they walk a little further) Hey.
SAM
They start digging.
What, you? No, Bob. You, I love. You're a genius! You're kicking ass and taking names.
(...)
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Talk to you later, babe. Uh-huh.
(He hangs up)
What a dick.
EXT. "HOLLYWOOD FOREVER" CEMETERY
The boys have finished digging. DEAN is in the grave, and opens the coffin to see Elise's corpse. They pour salt and kerosene over the bones and burn them.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET
JAY
Hey! Hey, pal! Can you , uh, show me to the exit? I can't see a damn thing here.
(The man, turned away from JAY, doesn't move)
Hey! Hey, putz! I'm talking to you! Somebody could get hurt here.
Suddenly, the fans on set turn on by themselves. The ghost flickers and vanishes. JAY tries to crawl away, but the fan drags him backwards. He gets sucked into the fan and torn apart, blood spraying everywhere.
MITCH V.O
We must have brought them back. Back from hellHell. Again.
VOICEOVER
Hell Hazers 2: The Reckoning. This film is not yet rated.
INT. STAGE 9 MOVIE SET - MORNING
SAM and DEAN watch as the police examine the crimescene crime scene where JAY was killed.
SAM
DEAN
Yeah, but these things don't usually tag-team.
(handing his car keys to a P.A.)
Hold that for me.
(calling out)
Everyone! Huddle in! In light of Jay's accident last night, and in cooperation with the authorities, we're shutting down production for a few days. I know, I know. Look, I'm not gonna lie to you. We've had a few setbacks this week. But we all know what Jay and Brad wanted more than anything. And that was to see Hell Hazers 2: The Reckoning on screens all across America! Now, we owe it to them to go on , and to pull together and make this damn movie, huh?
There is cheers and applause from the crowd.
McG
But – but but but not today. Go home. Someone will call you.
DEAN
No idea. Anymore Any more ghost cameos in the dailies?
SAM
Not in the first six hours. You know, maybe the spirits are trying to shut down the movie because 'cause they think it sucks. Because'Cause, I mean, it kind of does.
WENDY
''Come on, it'll be fun.''
She continues reading in Latin. SAM suddenly notices something and rewinds. He sits up and listens closer to the Latin.
SAM
Listen to the invocation. Dean, that's the real deal -- – a necromantic summoning ritual. What the hell is that doing in a Hollywood movie?
MARTY
No, dude, we're down for a few days - force majeure.
(...)
Yeah. It's cool, though. Gives me time to pitch that time-travel thing.
(...)
Yeah. All right, well look, get back to me on this, all right? Seriously.
(...)
No, I'm serious.
SAM
Yeah, uhum, whez, is ... sorry, man. We couldn't help ourselves. We just had to tell you that we read the script.
MARTY
He suddenly falls to the ground and begins screaming in pain. Blood begins to seep through his clothing. MARTY raises the cell phone and sees all of the ghosts tearing WALTER apart.
== ACT FIVE ==
