2.15 Tall Tales (transcript)
Written by: John Shiban
TEASER
Note: The 'THEN' segment to this episode contains clips highlighting the brothers' prank wars and general namecalling of one another. "Jerk" and "Bitch" feature prominently.
EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT
A middle-aged man in a suit and overcoat walks towards an impressive university building. Outside, a young attractive woman in a white dress is posed seductively, fixing her shoe.
PROFESSOR
Excuse me. Are you lost?
GIRL
No. I've been waiting for you, professor.
PROFESSOR
Oh, are you in one of my classes?
GIRL
Don't you recognize me?
PROFESSOR
We-ell, they're big classes. Anyway, my office hours are Tuesday and Thursday mornings.
GIRL
Really? I was hoping I could see you now.
PROFESSOR
Um, well, since you asked so nicely. Come on.
INT. OFFICE - NIGHT
GIRL
Such a handsome photo.
PROFESSOR
Oh, that old thing. So, what can I do for you? How's the (?) paper coming?
GIRL
Um, professor, I, uh, I have a confession to make.
PROFESSOR
Oh? What's that?
GIRL
I'm not really one of your students.
PROFESSOR
Really? Then why are you here?
GIRL
(looks at him suggestively, then gets nervous)
Maybe I should just go.
PROFESSOR
Wait. I get it. I understand how you're feeling, and it's only natural. You are young and wide-eyed, and I'm somewhat of a celebrity around here. Don't get me wrong, you're a very beautiful girl, but it would be wrong of me to take advantage of you. I just, um, I just respect you too much.
He kisses her; her face turns hideously grey and rotted; he pulls back in horror.
PROFESSOR
Oh my god.
GIRL
What? Don't you like me anymore? Don't you want me?
EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT
A JANITOR locks the front door and walks away. A body falls behind him with a heavy crunch. He turns back to see the Professor dead on the steps.
TITLE CARD: SUPERNATURAL
END TEASER
ACT ONE
EXT. HOTEL - DAY
Subtitle: One Week Later
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
Music note: In this scene, the radio is playing "Walk Away" by Joe Walsh
SAM is sitting on the couch looking through books; he rubs his face tiredly. DEAN is sitting up on the bed behind him, listening to the radio and eating something messy (chili cheese fries?) from a disposable plate.
SAM
(annoyed)
Dude. You mind not eating those on my bed?
DEAN
No, I don't mind.
(he eats another)
How's research going?
SAM
You know how it's going? Slow. You know how it would go a heck of a lot faster? If I had my computer.
DEAN
(nods sarcastically)
Hmm.
SAM
Can you turn that down please?
DEAN
Yeah, absolutely.
(he turns the music up louder)
SAM
You know what? Maybe, uh, maybe you should just go somewhere for a while.
DEAN
(shuts off the radio and looks up, snappish)
Hey, I'd love to. That's a great idea. Unfortunately, my car's all screwed to hell.
SAM
Dean, I told you, I have nothing to do with-
He's cut off by a loud knock on the door. SAM stands and goes to the door; he looks through the peephole and then back at DEAN, then opens the door. Outside is BOBBY.
SAM
Hey, Bobby.
BOBBY
(entering, hands in his pockets)
Boys.
DEAN
(standing and approaching)
Hey, Bobby.
BOBBY
It's good to see you again so soon.
SAM
Yeah, thanks for coming. Come on in.
DEAN
(shaking BOBBY'S hand firmly)
Thank god you're here.
BOBBY
So um, what didn't you want to talk to me on the phone about?
SAM
It's this job we're working. We weren't sure you'd believe us.
BOBBY
Well, I can believe a lot.
SAM
Yeah, no, no, it's just, we've never seen anything like it,
DEAN
Not even close —
SAM
And we thought we could use some fresh eyes.
BOBBY
Well, why don't you begin at the beginning?
SAM
Yeah, um, all right.
SAM gestures to the bed; BOBBY picks up the empty takeout tray and peers at it, sets it aside, and sits down.
SAM
So, it all started when we caught wind of an obit. See, a professor took a nosedive from a fourth story window, only there's a campus legend that the building's haunted. So we pretexted as reporters from the local paper.
FLASHBACK 1A (SAM POV) - INT. BAR - NIGHT
SAM is sitting at a table with a cocky jock boy (CURTIS) and a dippy attractive girl (JEN); he sets a voice recorder down on the table.
CURTIS
Yeah, we both had the professor for Ethics and Morality.
SAM
Yeah? So why do you think he did it?
JEN
Who knows? I mean, he was tenured, wife and kids. His book is like a really big deal. Then again...
(she leans in conspiratorially)
Who's to say it was suicide?
CURTIS
(scoffing)
Jen, come on.
SAM
(feigning surprise)
Well, what else could it be?
JEN
Well, you know about Crawford Hall?
SAM
No, I don't, actually.
CURTIS
It's a bunch of crap, it's a total urban legend.
JEN
Yeah well, Heather's mom went to school here, and she knew the girl?
SAM
Wait, what girl?
JEN
Thirty years ago, this girl was having an affair with some professor. He broke it off, she jumped out the window and killed herself.
SAM
You know her name?
JEN
No. But they say she jumped from room six-six-nine. Get it? You turn the nine upside down?
(SAM nods; the BOY laughs.)
So now she haunts the building. And anyone who sees her? They don't live to tell the tale.
CURTIS
Well if no one lives to tell the tale then how does the tale get told?
JEN
Curtis! Shut up!
SAM
You know what? Uh, thanks a lot guys. Excuse me.
ELSEWHERE in the bar, close in on three shot glasses filled with dark bluish-purple liquid. Dean's hand slides into frame and takes one; he slams all three in succession. SAM approaches.
SAM
Dean. Dean, what are you drinking?
DEAN
(burps)
I don't know, man, I think they're called purple nurples?
SAM
Okay, well listen. I think maybe we should go check out the professor's office.
DEAN
Oh, no, no, no, I can't right now, I've got some... feisty little wildcat on the hook, I'm about to - zzzzp - reel her in. I'll introduce you.
PAN up fishnet stockings and a tight miniskirt to reveal a sloppy drunk, heavily made up blond girl.
SAM
Dean -
DEAN
Starla! Starla, hey. This is my shuttle co-pilot Major Tom. Major Tom, Starla.
STARLA
(draping an arm around Dean)
Enchante.
SAM
Hi.
STARLA gags, covering her mouth, then looks up grinning.
STARLA
Sorry. Just trying to keep my liquor down!
DEAN
Yeah! Good job.
(to SAM)
Hey. Good news. She's got a sister.
He leans back into STARLA'S arm again, both of them grinning suggestively.
END FLASHBACK 1A
The scene freeze-frames as DEAN'S voice (present-day) cuts in.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
DEAN
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a minute.
SAM
What?
DEAN
Come on, dude, that's not how it happened.
SAM
No? So you never drank a purple nurple?
DEAN
Yeah, maybe that, but I don't say things like "feisty little wildcat". And her name wasn't Starla.
SAM
Then what was it?
DEAN
I don't know.
(to BOBBY, taking up the story)
But she was a classy chick. She was a grad student, anthropology and folklore. We were talking about local ghost stories.
FLASHBACK 1B (DEAN POV) - INT. BAR - NIGHT
The feel of the scene is very different - we pan up the girl's body again, but this time she's in black heels and a sleek black cocktail dress. She and DEAN each hold a purple nurple and toast with them.
GIRL
Here's to...
DEAN
Here's to us.
GIRL
My god. You... are attractive.
DEAN
Thanks. But no time for that now. You need to tell me about this urban legend. Please. Lives are at stake.
GIRL
Sorry, I just . . . can't even concentrate. It's like staring . . . into the sun.
She reaches up and pulls his head towards her for a slow kiss. SAM approaches behind them with an extreme Bitchface and his jacket slung over his shoulder.
SAM
(exaggerated prissy tone)
Dean! What do you think you're doing?
DEAN
(smooth and casual)
Sam, please. If you wouldn't mind, give me five minutes here.
SAM
Dean, this is a very serious investigation. We don't have any time for any of your blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah Blah!
DEAN leans in to kiss the GIRL again as SAM continues blabidiblahing behind him.
SAM
Blah!
END FLASHBACK 1B
The scene freeze-frames again on SAM'S face.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
SAM
(sarcastic)
Right. And that's how it really happened.
(DEAN shrugs)
I don't sound like that, Dean!
DEAN
That's what you sound like to me.
BOBBY
(staring at them)
Okay. What's going on with you two?
SAM
Nothing. Noth- it's nothing.
BOBBY
No, come on. You're bickering like an old married couple.
DEAN
(getting up and crossing to the kitchenette)
No, see married couples can get divorced. We're like, uh, Siamese twins.
SAM
(like it's something he's said many times before)
It's conjoined twins!
DEAN
See what I mean?
SAM
Look, it,
(sighs)
We've just been on the road for too long. Tight quarters, all that. Don't worry about it.
BOBBY
Okay.
SAM
So anyway. We figured it might be a haunting, so we went to check out the scene of the crime.
FLASHBACK 2 (SAM POV)
INT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT
The JANITOR from the teaser lets SAM and DEAN (posing as electricians) into the professor's office.
SAM
So, how long have you been working here?
JANITOR
I've been mopping this floor for six years. There you go, guys.
(seeing SAM'S EMF reader)
What the heck's that for?
SAM
Just find a wire in the walls.
JANITOR
Huh. Wow. Not sure why you're wiring up this office. Not gonna do the professor much good.
DEAN
Why's that?
JANITOR
(bluntly)
He's dead.
DEAN
Oh. What happened?
JANITOR
He went out that window. Right there.
SAM
Yeah? Were you working that night?
JANITOR
I'm the one who found him.
SAM
You see it happen?
DEAN sees a bowl of nuts on the side table and eats one.
JANITOR
No. I just saw him come up here, and uh, well.
SAM
What?
JANITOR
He wasn't alone.
DEAN comes into frame, his cheeks stuffed with nuts. He's holding the bowl and continues eating them throughout the scene.
DEAN
(muffled)
Who was he with?
Freeze-frame on DEAN'S chipmunk face.
DEAN (v.o.)
Come on! I ate one, maybe two!
SAM (v.o.) Just let me tell it, okay?
Scene starts up again.
JANITOR
He was with a young lady. I told the cops about her, but uh, I guess they never found her.
SAM
You saw this girl go in, huh? Did you ever see her come out?
JANITOR
Now that you mention it, no.
SAM
You ever see her before, around?
JANITOR
Well, not her.
DEAN
(still muffled; SAM glares at him)
What do you mean?
JANITOR
I don't mean to cast aspersions on a dead guy, but uh . . . Mister Morality? He brought a lot of girls up here. Got more ass than a toilet seat.
DEAN laughs delightedly; SAM glares, JANITOR grins.
SAM
One more thing. This building, it only has four stories, right?
JANITOR
Yeah.
SAM
So there wouldn't be a room six-six-nine?
JANITOR
'Course not. Why do you ask?
SAM
Aw, just curious. Thanks.
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
Still part of the FLASHBACK - They return to the hotel and SAM sits at the table; DEAN gets a beer out of the fridge for each of them.
SAM
Well, no traces of EMF, that's for sure.
DEAN
And the room six-six-nine's a load of crap.
SAM
So what do you think? The professor's just a jumper? A legend's just a legend?
DEAN
I don't know. I mean, the uh, girl the janitor described, that's pretty weird.
SAM
Yeah.
DEAN
We oughta check out the history of the building. See if any co-ed ganked herself there.
SAM
Yeah, you're right.
(he opens up his laptop, then stares at the screen, confused.)
Dude. Were you on my computer?
DEAN
No.
SAM
Oh really? 'Cause it's frozen now. On uh, Bustyasianbeauties.com.
(DEAN frowns, winces, and retreats)
Dean! Would you - just - don't touch my stuff anymore, okay?
DEAN
Why don't you control your O.C.D.?
END FLASHBACK 2
INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY
BOBBY
But did you dig up anything about the building? Or on the suicidal co-ed?
SAM
No. History's clean.
BOBBY
Then it's not a haunting.
DEAN
Maybe not. Tell you the truth, we're not really sure.
BOBBY
What do you mean, you're not sure?
SAM
Well, it's weird.
BOBBY
What's weird?
DEAN
This next part, we uh, we didn't see it happen ourselves exactly, but it's pretty friggin weird. Even for us.
FLASHBACK 3 (DEAN POV)
EXT. CRAWFORD HALL - NIGHT
CURTIS walks alone through the campus. He hears a noise and turns, startled, then keeps walking, laughing at himself. He hears another noise and stops, looking straight up. He walks more carefully, hands in pockets. Suddenly a bright light whooshes on overhead and he cringes, arms over his head. He starts running, but trips and falls; a bright beam of light shoots down and grabs him like a tractor beam, pulling him up. He screams and flails.
END ACT ONE
ACT TWO
ACT THREE
ACT FOUR
ACT FIVE
transcript by gelasius March 2007
