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15.18 Despair

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|motw= [[Chuck]]<br>[[Billie]]
|outline= The When people close to the Winchestersbegin disappearing, [[CastielSam]], and [[Jack]] search for a way attempt to kill protect those that remain, while [[Dean]] and [[Castiel]] confront [[Death]].
|location= Lebanon, Kansas<br>[[The Empty]]<br>Hastings, Minnesota<br>[[Death's Library]]
|timeline= Immediately after [[15.17 Unity]]
Billie pursues Dean and Castiel into the Bunker. She clasps her hand into a fist, and Dean feels pain as if his heart is being crushed. Cas helps him out of the room, through the corridors. Death follows, taunting them. They take refuge in a storage room. Castiel cuts his hand and uses the blood to draw a warding sigil on the door, which will briefly block Death's power, however, Bille keeps banging on the door, and each time she does, weakens the ward.
Dean is upset and says he led them into a trap, because he couldn't kill Chuck. He says he knows everyone will die and it is his fault. Castiel points out that one thing can hurt her -- the Cosmic Entity from the Empty. He tells Dean about the [[deal]] he made with the Cosmic Entity in exchange for Jack -- that his life would be forfeit when he felt one moment of true happiness. He says he wondered what that moment could be, because he knew he couldn't have the one thing he really wanted. He tells Dean he knows Dean sees himself as his enemies do -- driven by hate and anger. But Cas knows Dean always acts out of love and selflessness. Those around Dean know and see this in him. He tells Dean he is the most loving and selfless person he ever knew. He says that knowing Dean has changed him and made him care about him, Sam and Jack and about the whole world because of him. Dean asks why this sounds like a goodbye. Castiel tells him it is and that he loves him. As he speaks the words, a [[portal]] opens, and the black goo of the Empty comes into the room. At that , at the moment Death also bursts into finally breaks through the roomwarding. As the Empty enters, Castiel pushes Dean aside as the Empty takes both Death and Castiel, who greets his death with a smile.
As Jack and Sam leave the silo, Sam tries to call Dean, but gets no answer as Jack asks if it was just them left. At the Bunker Dean sees Sam's name on his phone, but doesn't answer it. He puts his face in his hands and cries.
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'''Castiel:''' Is he dead?<br>
'''Billie:''' Maybe.<br>
'''Dean:''' You said this was a suicide mission.<br>
'''Billie:''' No, I said taking out Chuck and Amara would be fatal.<br>
'''Billie:''' You got me.<br>
'''Castiel:''' You lied to everyone. Even the Empty, you promised it peace and quiet but you never meant it.
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'''Cosmic Entity:''' You did this. You made it loud!
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'''Jack:''' God, the Empty, Billie, everyone's so mad at us and I don't have my powers. There's nothing I can do to protect us. I'm scared, Cas.<br>
'''Castiel:''' I know. Me too.
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'''Dean:''' I started this. I'm gonna end it.<br>
'''Sam:''' Dean...<br>
'''Dean:''' Your plan? Getting everybody safe? That's good, okay, but it won't last forever. Now, we couldn't make Chuck pay, but Billie? She left her blade. Her I can kill.
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'''Sam:''' Yeah, well if Dean and Cas can pull this off, we shouldn't be here too long.<br>
'''Bobby:''' Okay. I brought a bucket. You think it'll work?<br>
'''Sam:''' Well, angelic warding, Aramaic, Enochian and I have this. I found it in Rowena's things. A spell, "Praeses Magna." Should boost the strength of all the warding.<br>
'''Bobby:''' "Should."<br>
'''Sam:''' Bobby, this is all I got.
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'''Billie:''' You're in the wrong place, Dean.<br>
'''Dean:''' What are you talking about?
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'''Billie:''' If people are getting gone, I'm guessing it's Chuck. And that means you're just wasting time.
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'''Castiel:''' Dean.<br>
'''Dean:''' It was Chuck all along. We never should've left Sam and Jack. We should be there with them now. Everybody's gonna die, Cas, everybody. I can't stop it.
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'''Castiel:''' I always wondered since I took that burden, that curse, what it could be. What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want...it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know...I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being...It's in just saying it.
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Originally titled "Despair" which then changed to "The Truth" and then back to "Despair."
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'''Billie:''' Castiel. Remember when you stabbed me in the back? 'Cause I do.
:''Billie is referencing her first death in [[12.09 First Blood]].''
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After this episode aired, [[Lisa Berry]] shared a behind the scene [https://twitter.com/_LisaBerry/status/1326894522668867590 set of pictures] on her twitterTwitter, revealing that she was (visibly!) pregnant during the filming of this episode, with "a little baby reaper on the way."While the crew tried to block the scene as best they could to hide the pregnancy, there are multiple shots of a visibly pregnant Billie throughout the episode.
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Charlie's Building building is named "Kim Manor" (it is seen etched on the front doors), a tribute to the late EP and director [[Kim Manners]].
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When Jack tries to touch a flower, it wilts at his approachBillie scrapes her scythe along the wall as she stalks Dean and Castiel in the Bunker. This was previously seen in [[1. Something similar to what happened when 07 Hook Man]] as [[AmaraJacob Karns]] touched flowers in stalks his victims and [[117.23 Alpha and Omega18 Party On, Garth]] as the [[shojo]] after mortally wounding Chuckstalked Lee Baxter.
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Before Castiel dies, he leaves a bloody handprint on Dean's shoulder, mirroring the [[Castiel's Handprint|burned handprint]] he left on Dean when he pulled him out of Hell in [[4.01 Lazarus Rising]]. Misha Collins revealed at [[Darklight Online Con 2020]] that the handprint was not scripted, but rather an idea that he, Jensen, and Richard Speight, Jr. workshopped on the day of filming. He stated that "for some reason," the scene needed to be moved into another room of the Bunker, and they then needed to figure out how to get warding inside that room. After they decided that Castiel would use his own blood for the warding, the idea of the bloody handprint emerged. Moira Fentum provided [https://www.instagram.com/p/CIBRy7JA46c/ pictures] of the jacket with the handprint on her Instagram with the caption, ::"Before shooting the reveal, Jensen pulled up an image of the Season 4 scar. I painted Misha's hand to match using fake blood [...]. He placed his hand on Jensen's arm, and then I touched up the impression to make it match the scar."
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Seven members of the SPN cast attended [[Darklight Online Con 2020]] the weekend after this episode aired, including Misha Collins, who discussed the confession scene (and its [https://tvweb.com/supernatural-destiel-canon/ controversy amongst fans]) while explaining to the other cast members who may not have seen the episode yet, : :"Castiel tells Dean he loves him and basically makes Destiel canon. So Castiel makes this homosexual declaration of love which is, you know, amazing that that happens, and then he dies right afterwards, which plays into a timeless Hollywood trope of '[https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/BuryYourGays kill the gays],' which also then pisses off- Like we give, and then we take away." Misha later walked back this remark at a creation event after [[15.20 Carry On]] aired, saying, : :"I've seen some people complaining about this is playing into the "bury the gays trope" which is an insidious and real trope in film and television, and I don't think that that is what's happening, and I don't think that's what happened with Castiel's ending. First of all he's not dead, he's in Heaven and working to rebuild that Heaven. But also so much good came from that declaration. Because Cas was able to save Dean, by the transitive property, that was essential for saving the world. That declaration ended up literally saving the world. And also it was of Cas' own volition, he wasn't forced to do it, that was his choice and I think that's important too. Maybe I'm naïve but I don't think we're playing into that trope and I'm glad Castiel got to express that. I think that's kind of important. I'm proud that the show did that, frankly."  Misha also went on to add that, while he did not wish to speak for Jensen or the character of Dean, he chose to play the scene as if Dean did not share the same feelings. Jensen would later state at a virtual meet and greet that he did not wish to "over-define" the scene, saying that he was not sure that Castiel as an angel could feel love in the same way as a human, believing the "I love you" could have a multitude of meanings, including "brother in arms.".
Misha also said that he knew the confession was coming for more than a year, that Jensen knew about it three months prior to filming the episode, and that Jensen had agreed to it. Richard Speight, Jr., the director of this episode, said that he, Misha, Jensen, and other crew filmed the confession scene last because of the weight of it. After filming finished Misha, Jensen, Richard and Alex Calvert had boarded a chartered plane to head to [[Salute to Supernatural Las Vegas 2020]]. Ten minutes into the flight, one of its engines explode, and they had to turn back to Vancouver. For a few moments they were all afraid they might crash, so it all made for a very emotional night. Misha also told this story, and how he felt filming that last scene, in [https://twitter.com/cw_spn/status/1326207999636074500 a CW spot posted to Twitter].
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In the [https://twitter.com/CharCubed/status/1331475040018325506 Latin American dub] of this episode, Castiel uses the specifically more romantic / affectionate version of "I love you," with -- "Te amo" which is typically reserved for significant others or immediate family members." Fans were shocked to hear Dean respond, "Yo a ti, Cas," which is the romantic version of "Me too, Cas" though the English subtitles remained, "Don't do this, Cas." The episode is also titled "La Verdad" (The Truth), not "Despair." In the fan uproar to this revelation, Tumblr was overloaded and briefly went down while #TheySilencedYou trended #1 on Twitter in the U.S. as fans encouraged each other to boycott The CW for presumed censorship of the English version of the show, while "YO A TI CAS" and "DEANCAS" trended internationally.  Misha Collins went on to post [https://twitter.com/mishacollins/status/1331800202252931073 video to his twitter] to put the record straight that there was never any planned, scripted, or filmed reciprocation from Dean in this episode. In subsequent tweets, Misha [https://twitter.com/mishacollins/status/1331825062060515329 apologized] "about how tone-deaf my video is" and responded directly to comments from LGBTQ+ fans who felt unheard. Fans continued to propose various conspiracy theories that either the line was in an earlier version of the script, that it was in the filmed version of the script but edited out (based on the fact that Jensen had said he recorded the whole scene on his phone and a lot was cut out), or even that it was added later in ADR and then edited out (as Jensen had said he'd done ADR for this scene). An anonymous crew member posted [http://supernaturalwiki.com/File:1518s1.png photos] of the [http://supernaturalwiki.com/File:1518s2.png script] confirming it read "Dean can't reciprocate." [https://nepantla-dyke.tumblr.com/post/637356593462280192/okay-yall-are-driving-me-insane-arguing-that-we Other sources confirmed that there was never any scripted response from Dean], although Jensen ad-libbed "Don't do this" and "What are you talking about, man?" during filming.  In a December 2020 interview, Dean's Latin American voice actor, Guillermo Rojas, [https://teamironmanforever.tumblr.com/post/637355024027090944/highlight-translation-of-the-spanish-dub-actor confirmed that the reciprocation was not scripted or spoken in the original English version], but it was scripted as "me too (platonic) in the Spanish script, and changed to be romantic by the dub director. Rojas said (translated from Spanish): "The adaptation came entirely from my director, Adrian Fogarty. He adapted it and gave us our acting guidelines, and I performed accordingly. I gave what he asked of me. We all loved it."
In an [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNCPLSDOo64 interview for WonderCon@Home 2021], the LATAM voice actor for Castiel, Alejandro Mayen, stated when asked about Castiel's goodbye to Dean, that he believed that the "I love you" was fraternal, and didn't believe that the show was ever hinting at anything romantic between Dean and Castiel.
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In September 2021, when the episode aired in Italy, the Italian dub of this episode had Castiel uses the phrase "Ti voglio bene" which is used for someone you are fond of, rather than "Ti amo" which is used for someone you are in a romantic love with. Italian fans flooded social media, and Misha responded with [https://twitter.com/mishacollins/status/1435999604479180800 a tweeted video] in which he said "Ciao Italia, ti amo" and the tweet "L'amore è amore in qualsiasi lingua. ❤️ (Love is love in any language.)".
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Also in September of 2021, [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJk-KI0iL1M Misha did a panel at Momento Con] in which he answers a fan's question of, "When do you think Castiel first realized his feelings for Dean?" Misha explained:
:"I first started talking with Berens, the writer of that episode, more than a year before we shot it: about the substance and content of that last scene. So it was at least a year, when it was very much at the forefront of my mind. But I think interestingly, latently, that it was there for a long time. [...] I think that Cas, like myself, like the producers and writers of the show, like many of the fandom, were in denial. [...] So I think it was there but it was latent for a long time, and I think that that's also just fine. Cas was in denial, and so was everyone else."
In answer to a similar question later in the panel, Misha goes on to say, of Dean's reaction:
:"I think Dean not rejecting [Castiel's confession] was also huge, and also profound, and also important. [...] Dean never reciprocated, and a lot of the other characters moved on in the last episodes, but I think the fact that... I think Dean showed love in his eyes. And I think the fact that he didn't say, "Fuck off," given the character of that show, was actually really profound. At least it was to me. [...] I was so grateful that we were able to go as far as we did, and I was grateful that Cas was able to express himself like that."
See the [[Destiel]] entry for more details.
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