15.10 The Heroes' Journey (transcript)

SUPERNATURAL

15.10 The Heroes' Journey

Written by: Andrew Dabb

Directed by: John F. Showalter

Air Date: January 23, 2020

Teaser

[A woman is beating up a man in a cage fight. He’s knocked to the ground. He gets up and the woman lands several punches, knocking him to the ground again. The crowd is cheering. The man gets up and bares his teeth and claws. He is a werewolf. He slices the woman’s stomach as she attacks him. They circle around each other and a long spike extends from the woman’s wrist. She is a wraith. The fight continues with the wraith slashing and stabbing the werewolf until he is unconscious. The woman jumps around the cage, riling up the crowd as blood pools around the werewolf’s head]

ACT I

[The following scenes jumps back and forth between Dean at the Kwik Trip and Sam at the bunker]

[Dean is at the ‘Kwik Trip’ mini mart. He picks up beer and snacks.]

[A smoke alarm is beeping in the bunker. Sam walks into the and runs over to the stove.]

SAM

Oh, no.

[Sam opens the stove door and smoke billows out.

Oh, great.

Oh!

[ Coughing ]

[Dean brings his groceries to the counter at the Kwik Trip]

DEAN (to the cashier)

Hey, Teddy.

TEDDY

Hey.

DEAN

What’s new?

TEDDY

Uh, my psoriasis is back.

DEAN

Oh.

[Dean puts a piece of candy in his mouth and grimaces as if in pain]

[In the bunker, Sam pulls the burning food out of the oven and drops it onto the metal table behind him. It slides on the smooth surface knocking several plates to the floor, shattering them]

[At the Kwik Trip, Dean is still eating candy and looking pained]

TEDDY

$40.32.

DEAN

Um...right. There you go. (hands over credit card)

TEDDY

Thank you.

[Teddy swipes the card and the card reader beeps. He does it again with the same result]

[In the bunker kitchen, a pot of pasta on the stovetop is about to boil over.]

SAM

Oh.

Oh, God.

Okay.

[Sam takes the pot off the stove. The handles are hot and he drops the pot, spilling pasta all over the bunker floor.)

SAM

Aah!

[At the Kwik Trip, Teddy is still swiping Dean’s credit card]

[ Machine beeps ]

TEDDY

Uh, declined.

DEAN

What? No, no, no, that’s...

No, that card’s worked for like five years.

TEDDY

I – Sorry.

[Sam is blowing on his hands, which are still hot]

SAM

Aah!

[Teddy pulls the half-eaten candy bar out of Dean’s hands and puts it back in the basket]

DEAN

Wha-

[Teddy pulls the basket away from Dean and scowls at Dean]

DEAN

Seriously?

[Sarcastically] Thanks, Teddy.

[Dean leaves the store and is almost run down by a kid on a skateboard]

DEAN

Whoa!

Seriously?!

[Dean walks over to Baby and finds a parking ticket on the window]

DEAN

Seriously?

[In the bunker]

DEAN

Sammy!

[ Door closes ]

[Sam is in the kitchen stressing over the mess as he hears Dean return from the store]

DEAN

Sammy!

[Sam runs out from the kitchen and trips up the steps. Dean looks at him quizzically]

SAM

Dean?

Hey!

DEAN

Was that a trip?

SAM

Yeah. Weird.

DEAN

There’s a lotta that goin’ on. In town, I just got a parking ticket.

SAM

Because you always park in front of that fire hydrant?

DEAN

No.

I mean, yes. Okay, I park there every time.

I never get a ticket, all right?

Oh, and, uh...

This...doesn’t work.

[Dean takes the credit card out of his pocket and throws it down on the map table]

SAM

That’s the card Charlie hacked for us, the one –

DEAN

Yeah, the one that’s supposed to be our “no more hustling, always working” Golden Ticket.

Nothing.

SAM

Weird.

DEAN

That’s what I’m saying.

[ Sam sneezes ]

DEAN

Are you getting sick?

SAM

I don’t know. Maybe.

Oh, and – and dinner’s –

[ Sam sneezes ]

DEAN

Man, this day, I’m telling you –

[ Sam coughs ]

What is next?

[ Cellphone ringing ]

DEAN

It’s Garth. [ Cellphone beeps ]

DEAN

Hey, Garth.

GARTH

Hey, Dean, it’s Garth.

I, uh – I need your help.

[ Sam sneezes ]

🎶

[Sam and Dean are driving at night]

DEAN

I’m telling you, man, we’re cursed.

SAM

We’re not cursed, Dean. We’re just having a bad day.

DEAN

No. No, no, no. This is – This is more than just a no good, very bad day, okay?

Chuck must’ve boned us before he left, you know?

Or maybe some of that crap you brought back from Rowena’s went sideways.

‘Cause this? I mean...

[ Scoffs ]

This is not normal.

[Sam sneezes into his sleeve. It’s wet and goopy]

SAM

Oh.

SAM

Oh. Gross.

DEAN

Dude...

SAM

Sorry. Look, just...

Okay, listen. Cass is in Heaven – seeing if they know where Chuck went or anything.

DEAN

Oh, yeah, ‘cause angels, they’re always really happy to help.

SAM

And I’m sick, and you got a ticket. It happens. We’ll deal, we –

[ Engine struggling ]

SAM

What’s going on? What’re you doing?

DEAN

I don’t know.

No, no, baby, don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, baby...

Baby, please don’t do this.

Seriously? Oh, come on!

[ Engine struggling, timing belt screeching ]

[ Engine stops ]

[ Engine sputtering ]

[ Sputtering continues ]

DEAN [bangs hid hand on the steering wheel]

Yeah. Normal.

🎶

[Sam and Dean get out of the car and start walking]

[ Dog barking in distance ]

🎶

[Garth is in his house, feeding infants twins in their highchairs. He’s wearing a large napkin over his shirt. There is a young girl sitting at the table also]

GARTH:

Who’s daddy’s big boy?

Here comes the airplane!

Rrrrr!

[ Laughs ]

Come here. Little bite.

There we go, buddy.

It’s good.

Isn’t that so good?

Hey, Sammy.

Open wide. Here comes the airplane.

Rrrrr.

Oh, yeah, that’s good stuff, isn’t it?

[The baby spits all over Garth’s napkin]

[ Garth and the girl both laugh ]

You got me, you little stinker. But Daddy was prepared this time.

[ Doorbell rings ]

GARTH

Uh, Gertie?

GERTIE

Yeah.

GARTH

Can you watch the boys?

GERTIE

Sure.

GARTH

Thank you.

[ Doorbell rings ]

BESS

Is that them?

GARTH

It’s gotta be.

Hey! There they are. Come in.

SAM

Garth.

GARTH

Hey, hey.

[Gesturing towards SAM] Come here, you.

SAM

Oh. Oh, I’m – I’m sick.

Sorry.

GARTH Oh.

[Garth turns towards Dean]

You –

[Garth hugs Dean]

DEAN

Okay.

Still a hugger, huh?

GARTH

You know it. You smell so good.

DEAN

And we’re done.

[ Clears throat ]

GARTH

What took you guys so long?

SAM

We, uh – W-We had to walk.

DEAN

Yeah, car broke down about 10 miles back. I think it’s the plugs.

GARTH

Really?

DEAN

Yeah, we’re having a super normal day.

GARTH

Okay. Well, no worries. We’ll fix you up.

GERTIE

Daddy, the twins are still hungry.

GARTH

Be right there, baby.

Come on. Come back and meet the kids.

DEAN

You’ve got more kids?

GARTH

Oh-ho-ho, yeah.

Got a couple’a pups.

[Garth, Sam and Dean walk towards the kitchen]

GARTH

So, this is my daughter Gertie.

Gertie, say hi to Daddy’s friends.

GERTIE

Hi.

SAM AND DEAN

Hi.

GARTH

And these are the twins.

This is Sam.

I, uh, sorta named him after you.

SAM

Wow. That’s, uh...Wow.

DEAN

That means this one must be –

GARTH

Castiel.

Yeah.

SAM

Um –

[ Clears throat ]

On the phone, you said there was something wrong with your cousin?

GARTH

Oh, not mine, Bess’s.

He’s, uh – Well...

I think you should see for yourself.

BESS

I tried to wake him, but he’s in and out.

[They are in a bedroom, the werewolf from the cage fight is laying on the bed, bloodied]

BESS

He’s hurt pretty bad.

DEAN

This dude’s a werewolf?

BESS

Pure blood, like me.

SAM

So what happened to him?

GARTH

We’re not sure. Cops found him down around St. Cloud, in Minnesota.

DEAN

Those look like knife wounds.

GARTH

That’s what the cops thought, too, but they’re not. They’re from a wraith.

Brad – whoever did this to him thought he was dead, and they dumped him in a swamp.

But he somehow managed to climb out, and the cops found his body by the road.

GARTH

And Bess has been looking after him, but... why would a wraith go after a wolf?

[Dean sees a candy bowl in the room and takes a piece]

DEAN

Hmm.

When he comes to, we’ll ask him.

DEAN

[ Munches and grimaces in pain again ]

Sonuva...

[Sam and Bess leave the room]

SAM

[ Sneezes ]

[ Sniffles ]

Sorry.

I’m, uh...

BESS

Sick. I know. Come with me. I’ve got something for you.

[Dean and Garth follow Sam and Bess out of the room and downstairs]

DEAN

You know, I gotta say, aside from pincushion in there… this is pretty nice.

GARTH

Yeah, better than I ever thought I’d get.

I mean, hunting – I figured I’d be dead before I’m 40.

You know, go out young and pretty. But now I’ve got a great wife, great kids.

I guess...sometimes things work out.

DEAN

Yeah, sometimes. Good, man. You deserve it.

You do.

GARTH

Thanks, man.

DEAN

Yeah.

GARTH

What’s up with your teeth?

DEAN

What?

GARTH Your teeth. They hurt, right?

DEAN

A little.

A lot.

GARTH

Since when?

DEAN

Since yesterday.

GARTH

Mm.

All right, come on.

DEAN

What?

GARTH

Come on.

DEAN

What are we doing?

[Garth leads Dean downstairs]

DEAN

Garth, what are we do—

[Garth opens the door to a room, turns on the light exposing a full dental set up]

DEAN

Oh, no.

You know what? I’m good.

[Garth muscles Dean into the dental chair]

GARTH

Get in the chair, Dean.

DEAN

No –

You’re very strong.

Ohh.

[Back upstairs Bess hands Sam a glass with orange liquid in it]

SAM

Uh, you know, you – you – you really don’t have to –

BESS

It’s my daddy’s secret recipe. Cure everything and anything.

SAM

What’s in it?

BESS

What part of “secret” don’t you understand?

DEAN

Garth, you’re not a dentist.

GARTH

Oh, yes, I am.

I, uh, was getting my degree when the whole Hunter thing happened, and I, you know...

Killed the Tooth Fairy. She had it coming.

Anyway, after I left Hunting, I went back to school, got my degree.

Now I’ve got a good little practice going.

There.

It’s not like all the wolves around here can go to a regular doc. Can’t with all the cow hearts we eat.

Fang maintenance is a B. You’ve got to floss all the time.

[Sam drinks the juice Bess gave him]

SAM

Mm.

Yeah, actually, it’s – it’s not too, uh...

[ Baby coos ]

Oh, God.

BESS

I will tell you it’s mostly cayenne pepper.

SAM

What?

Oh, God.

[ Sam grimaces and shudders, eyes tearing ]

GERTIE

Mommy, the giant’s crying.

[ Shuddered breathing ]

[Downstairs Garth leans Dean back in the chair]

[ Chair motor whirring ]

GARTH

There.

SAM [falling to the floor]

Ohh. Aah.

[ Grunting ]

Every– Every– Everything is burning.

[ Baby crying ]

[GARTH]

Open wide.

DEAN

Mnh-mnh.

GARTH

Come on, buddy.

Here comes the airplane.

Mm.

When was the last time you saw a dentist?

DEAN

I ‘unno. Never.

[Upstairs, Sam is still writhing on the floor]]

[ Babies crying ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Laughs ]

[Downstairs]

GARTH

All right.

I do see a few cavities.

DEAN

How many?

GARTH

17.

DEAN

What?

GARTH

But don’t you worry.

‘Cause I’ve got you.

[Upstairs]

[ Gasping ]

[ Babies crying ]

SAM [looking at the babies]

How do you think I feel?

[Downstairs, Garth hooks Dean up to nitrous oxide (laughing gas)]]

GARTH

Here we go. You’re gonna be fine.

DEAN

What is this?

GARTH

Dean...

[ Gas hissing ]

...I’m doing this for your own good, buddy.

SAM

Okay.

[ Baby crying ]

Hey, I’m okay.

Big Sam is o-okay.

[ Groans ]

GARTH [placing the a mask over Dean’s nose and mouth]

There you go. Let the gas do its thing.

Deep breaths.

[ Dean breathes deeply ]

Everything’s fine.

Everything’s fine.

Yeah.

There you go.

[ Whimsical music plays ]

🎶

[ Black and White dream sequence: Dean is dressed in a white tuxedo and hat, holding a cane. Irving Aaronson’s “Let’s Misbehave” plays. Garth enters, dressed the same, and he and Dean break into a tap dance routine in the bunker. Halfway through Garth exits and Dean dances solo, ending on top of the map table–you just have to see it  ]

🎶

[ Shoes tapping ]

🎶 🎶

🎶 We’re all alone 🎶

🎶 No chaperone 🎶

🎶 Can get our number 🎶

🎶 The world’s in slumber 🎶

🎶 Let’s misbehave 🎶

🎶 There’s something wild about you, child 🎶

🎶 That’s so contagious 🎶

🎶 Let’s be outrageous 🎶

🎶 Let’s misbehave 🎶

🎶 When Adam won Eve’s hand 🎶

🎶 He wouldn’t stand for teasin’ 🎶

🎶 He didn’t care about 🎶

🎶 Those apples out of season 🎶

🎶 They say the spring means just one thing 🎶

🎶 To little lovebirds 🎶

🎶 We’re not above birds 🎶

🎶 Let’s misbehave 🎶

[ Scatting ]

🎶 Let’s misbehave 🎶

🎶 Let’s misbehave. 🎶

[ Dean starts to wake up in the dental chair. He’s groggy and his mouth is bloody-he groans as he wakes up]

GARTH

Hey, Slugger.

You’re all done. You did good.

DEAN

Mm.

[ Breathes deeply ]

ACT II

[Upstairs]

BESS [to Sam]

Kids are finally asleep.

How are you feeling?

SAM

Uh...Better, actually.

BESS

I told you.

SAM

Yeah.

[Dean and Garth enter the living room where Sam and Bess are talking. Dean’s mouth is full of cotton and his cheeks are bulging]

SAM

Hey.

Where have you been?

DEAN

Gettung ma teef fixed.

GARTH

I had to numb him up. He’ll be fine in an hour.

DEAN

Mm.

SAM

What?

DEAN

Okay.

[ Spits into a cup ]

GARTH

Seriously...what is going on here?

SAM

What do you mean?

GARTH

I mean, apparently Dean’s never been to a dentist before, and suddenly he got a mouthful of cavities, you’re sick, and your car is broken down.

Who did you guys piss off?

SAM

God.

BESS I’m sorry. What?

SAM

Yeah.

BESS

God. The God is trying to kill you?

SAM

Well, uh, trying to make us kill each other.

GARTH

So, he’s a writer, and you’ve basically been the heroes of his story?

SAM

I guess, yeah.

GARTH

Huh.

Well, what’s that make me? A supporting character? Special guest star?

SAM

No, Garth, it’s not like that.

Oh, no, no, no. I want to be the guest star.

Being the hero sucks.

I mean, sure, you’ll probably win eventually, but until you do, your life blows.

Your parents get gunned down in an alleyway.

Your home planet gets blown up.

You, uh, interview this good-looking rich guy, and it doesn’t go well, so he shows up at the hardware store where you work, and, man, it starts to get, you know...

BESS

It’s from, uh – We love “Fifty Shades.”

GARTH

Yeah, we do.

[ Both laugh ]

SAM

Who’s the hero in that?

GARTH

No, no, no. The point is, the hero thing – it’s not fun.

Well, I mean, there are some good things about it.

Like, uh, when was the last time that Batman got a flat tire?

Or Superman couldn’t pay his water bill?

BESS

Or the power goes out in the Red Room?

GARTH

Exactly.

See, the hero never sweats the small stuff.

It slows down the story.

SAM

So, then, what happened?

Chuck...downgraded us?

GARTH

Maybe, yeah. And now you’re –

DEAN [muffled]

Cursed.

C-Cursed.

Cursed.

GARTH

No – normal. For the first time in your lives, you’re having normal-people problems.

[Points to Dean]

You need to get a colonoscopy, stat.

DEAN

What?

SAM

So how do we fix this?

GARTH

I don’t know.

BRAD [from upstairs]

Bess?!

Bess?

[They all go upstairs]

[Brad is breathing heavily ]

BRAD

Who’re they?

GARTH

They’re friends.

BRAD

Like Hunter friends?

BESS

Brad, they’re cool.

GARTH

Now tell us what happened to you.

BRAD

Fell down the stairs.

SAM

Brad, listen, we don’t care that you’re a werewolf, but you got attacked by a wraith, which is really weird.

Now, we’re just trying to understand what happened.

So help us. Please.

[ Brad chuckles ]

BRAD [to Sam]

Wow. I mean, wow.

With the furrowed brow and the puppy eyes – did you see that?

That never actually works for you, does it?

[Bess grabs Brads injured hand and squeezes]

BRAD

Aah!

BESS

Answer the question.

BRAD

Ow!

Okay!

[ Grunts ]

It’s – It’s a place... monsters go.

They fight for money.

DEAN

Money? Like, real money?

Hey, I can talk.

BRAD

Good for you. Yeah, real money.

Okay?

They pay to watch it.

They livestream it on the Dark Web or whatever.

SAM

Wait a second. So – So, you –

BRAD

Yeah, I needed the cash.

Got three baby mamas – I got bills.

SAM

This place – where is it?

I know you don’t want to tell us, but –

BRAD

Belgrade, Minnesota. Old warehouse off Peach Street.

DEAN

Well, that was easy.

BRAD

Yeah, well, lot of fangs in there.

You know, I figure you two walk in, they’re gonna rip you to pieces.

[ Laughs ]

[Bess grabs his hand again]

BRAD

Ow!

Really?!

🎶

[It’s nighttime and Garth, Sam and Dean are standing outside Garth’s house]

GARTH

I don’t think you should go.

DEAN

Garth, we don’t have a choice, okay?

That many freaks in one place? You know they’re dropping bodies.

GARTH

Yeah, but the old Sam and Dean, they could’ve handled this, no problem.

But you guys...

SAM

Can’t?

DEAN

Hey, look, just because God yanked the magic horseshoe out of our ass or whatever doesn’t mean that we’re gonna give up.

This is our job. It’s what we do.

And, yeah, it might be a little harder right now, but so what?

Bring it.

SAM

What he said.

GARTH

All right. Then I’m coming, too.

DEAN

Oh, no, no, no.

No.

Garth, come on. You got a family, okay?

You got a life. If something went wrong – and, right now, with us, everything’s going wrong – we’re not doing that to Bess, to the kids.

GARTH

Okay, you’re right.

Well, at least let me get you a new set of spark plugs.

DEAN

Yeah.

SAM

Deal.

🎶

🎶

[It’s daytime and Sam and Dean are driving down the road. They pull up in front of the warehouse Brad told them about]

[ Brakes squeal ]

🎶

🎶

DEAN

Isolated, run-down – yep, that’ll do Monster Bloodsport.

This should be perfect.

[They walk to the back of the car, Sam opens the trunk while Dean takes a bite of a sandwich]

DEAN

Oh, man.

Bess makes the best grilled cheese.

SAM

Yeah, you ate like seven of them.

DEAN

Well, I’m a growing boy.

[Dean grabs a duffle bag from the trunk]

Let’s go.

SAM Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

DEAN What?

SAM [opening the false bottom in the trunk]

Dean...Extra rounds, dead man’s blood, first-aid kit, emergency flares...

DEAN

Seriously?

SAM

Dude, if Garth was right, if we’re really normal now, we can’t just charge in there guns blazing.

We need to be ready for anything.

DEAN

Well, I guess we’d need a grenade launcher.

[Dean grabs the grenade launcher while Sam puts a variety of weapons and ammunition from the trunk]

Hey, sweetheart.

I don’t think we’ve used that .38 in about four years.

[Dean aims the grenade launcher and pretends to fire it]

Hyah!

Hyah!

🎶

[Sam and Dean walk into warehouse and see the fight cage.]

SAM

Welcome to Fight Club.

[ Sam walks into a metal bucket and it clatters as it falls ]

SAM

I –

DEAN

You forget how to walk?

[ Dean’s stomach starts gurgling loudly ]

DEAN

Oh.

SAM

What was that?

DEAN

[ Grunts ]

Not good, that’s –

[ Gurgling continues ]

SAM

You okay?

DEAN

[ Groans ]

Oh, God.

[ Gurgling continues ]

I gotta go.

SAM

Go?

DEAN

I-I gotta go.

SAM

What?

DEAN [dropping the gear bag]

Bathroom, bathroom, bathroom.

SAM [calling to Dean as he runs to find bathroom]

Dean?

Dean?

🎶

[ Dean finds the bathroom and throws himself over the toilet, vomiting ]

SAM

You know, I think you might be lactose-intolerant now.

[ Dean vomiting loudly ]

DEAM

I’m ok–

[ Vomiting continues ]

[ Gags ]

DEAN

Sam?

Sammy?

Oh, please, just kill me now.

[A man pushes open the door, points the grenade launcher at Dean]

MAN

Can do.

[ Vomits ]

ACT III

[Sam and Dean are inside the fight cage]

SAM

Can’t believe they got the drop on me.

I didn’t even hear them coming.

DEAN

Yeah, well, I got jumped while I was in the crapper, okay?

I win.

“Normal”?

Sucks.

[ Door opens and the man walks into the area ]

MAN

Sam, Dean? Can I get you anything?

Water? Hot towel?

SAM

Who are you?

MAN

Cutty.

This is my place.

DEAN

Oh, so all this chain-link, razor wire, and rat crap is yours, huh?

Well, congrats.

CUTTY [walking around the cage]

So, now you know me, and I know you.

We’re like...friends.

SAM

You keep all your friends in a cage?

CUTTY

Only the ones I really like.

DEAN

All right. So, what’re you? A monster?

CUTTY

I am. Shifter.

DEAN

Shifter? So you chose that face?

CUTTY

But I don’t let my gifts define me.

See, more than anything, I’m a sportsman.

See, to me, man, monster, they’re at their best, their most pure, in the heat of competition.

SAM

Right.

CUTTY

Yeah, sure, I could’ve killed you, but no.

I want to see your best.

I want to see what the Winchesters are capable of.

Stripped down, closed in, just you against the world.

Or Maul here.

[A very big man walks into the area]

[ Growling ]

DEAN

“Maul”?

That – Maul?

Come on, man. What’s your real name, huh?

Marvin? Marion?

MAUL

Murder.

[ Growls ]

SAM

You want us to fight?

CUTTY

Obviously.

Together, though.

I don’t want to break up the team.

DEAN

You sure about that?

‘Cause if you know us, you know the stories.

See, me and my brother here, we’ve taken down way bigger fellas than, uh, [clicks tongue] Meredith here.

[ Growls ]

We’ve killed angels, killed demons, Gods, and Alphas.

So why don’t you do yourself a favor – cut your losses, let us walk out that door before we burn this crap hole to the ground.

CUTTY

Yeah...no.

Maul will show you to your rooms.

[Cutty walks away and Maul shows his fangs, growling ]

🎶

[ Bell dings ]

[A ‘commercial’ plays, advertising Monday Monster Mayhem. An announcer speaks over various clips of monsters fighting in the cage including the wraith, Brads and Maul]

ANNOUNCER

Tonight, two of Fight Night’s biggest rivals will face off in the ring again!

Killer Wraith versus Jamaica Djinn!

Who will claim victory, and who will suffer defeat?

And then, in this ring, the mighty Maul returns, and this time, he’ll take on the merciless Winchesters!

Get ready for a...battle royale!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

[All right, all right.

Fighters to the ring.

[The wraith and another fighter enter the cage while the crowd shouts and cheers ]

[Sam is watching through a small window in the door of the room he locked in. Dean is in a similar room next to him]

SAM

There’s a lot of people – lot of monsters – out there.

DEAN

Awesome.

Yeah, it’s just how I wanted to die – with a freakin’ audience.

[ Bell dings ]

Fight! [the fight commences in the cage]

[ Roars ]

[Dean is messing with the top of the door frame]

SAM

What are you doing?

DEAN

Baby, come on, come on.

[Dean pulls a nail from the door frame]

DEAN

Ha ha!

I’m picking the lock.

[ Clicking ]

[ Cheering ]

SAM

Hurry.

DEAN

Can’t get it.

SAM

What?

DEAN

Ow! Broke a nail.

SAM

Here, let me do it. Here, come on.

[ Crowd cheering ]

SAM

We do this all the time.

What the hell?

DEAN

Friggin’ normal! That’s what.

[ Nail clangs ]

DEAN

Aw, come on!

SAM

So could we ever actually pick locks, or was it Chuck this whole time?

DEAN

Well, dude, if we can’t do this, then how the hell are we supposed to take care of Supervamp out there?

SAM

I don’t think we can.

[ Crowd booing ]

DEAN

No way.

Wait. After everything, there’s no way that Chuck lets us die like this.

SAM

Or he does, to – I don’t know – to teach us a lesson.

Or maybe we just end up paralyzed.

🎶

DEAN

No, we gotta win.

We gotta win, man.

That’s not gonna be easy, okay?

But you and me?

Not everything we did was because of Chuck.

It was us – the blood, the sweat, the tears, man.

That’s us.

[ Crowd booing ]

[ Growling ]

We’ve been doing this our whole lives.

We’re the best in the world.

So I say we go out there.

I say we go out there, and we kick some ass.

[ Bell dings. The fight ends with the wraith losing ]

[ Cheering ]

🎶

[ Cheering ]

🎶

ANNOUNCER:

Your winner – Djinn!

[The wraith is helped out of the cage]

🎶

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for the main event!

Your first fighter, weighing in at 310 pounds, the mighty Maul!

[ Cheers and applause ]

🎶

[ Maul enters the cage and roars ]

🎶

ANNOUNCER

And his opponent – sorry, opponents – straight out of Lawrence, Kansas.

You know them, you don’t like them – the Winchesters!

[ Crowd booing ]

CUTTY

It’s time.

Oh, and, boys? Shirts off.

[Cutty enters the cell and Sam and Dean are gone]

CUTTY

Damn it!

ACT IV

🎶

[The scene rewinds to people walking into the cage area. The camera zooms in on a guy with a hat covering most of his face. As he passes Cutty, we see that it’s Garth. He walks into the area where Sam and Dean are being held.]

[ coughing ]

DEAN

I think a bug went in my throat.

[ Coughing ]

Oh, freakin’ normal.

[ Bell dings ]

ANNOUNCEER

Your winner – Djinn!

SAM [worriedly]

Dean? Dean!

ANNOUNCER

It’s time for...

DEAN

Garth?!

GARTH [his hat]

Yo.

DEAN

What are you doing?

GARTH

I tried to call, and when you didn’t pick up, I figured you were super boned.

DEAN

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We’re super boned.

Super boned! Come on. Get us out of here.

[ Garth eyes turn yellow as he growls and pulls the locks on the doors off with his hands ]

SAM

Hurry.

DEAN

You are so strong.

GARTH

Let’s roll.

DEAN [whispering]

So strong.

[Sam, Dean and Garth run out of the cage area as Cutty approaches]

CUTTY

It’s time.

Oh, and, boys? Shirts off.

Damn it!

[Sam, Dean and Garth are running out of the building across the parking lot towards Baby]

DEAN

Come on! We gotta – We gotta get somewhere!

We gotta regroup! We gotta come up with a plan!

[The crowd boos as Maul stands in the cage without Sam and Dean]

[Garth stops and looks back at the warehouse]

SAM

Garth? Hey!

DEAN

Hey, what are you doing?

We gotta get outta here before the Monster Squad shows up!

GARTH

I’ve already got a plan.

SAM

What?

GARTH

The Monster Squad were the good guys.

We’re the Monster Squad.

[ Garth holds up a radio controller/detonator and extends the antenna. Flashback to Garth walking through the warehouse, before getting to Sam and Dean, dropping explosives in various places in the warehouse ]

[ He pushes the detonator and there is an explosion inside the warehouse ]

GARTH-

C4 –a Hunter’s best friend.

Cool, right?

SAM

Thanks, Garth.

[ Dean laughs ]

GARTH [holding his arm out to Dean]

All right.

Bring it in.

DEAN

Oh.

SAM [gesturing towards his nose]

Well, still –

[ Maul walks out of the burning warehouse, roaring. He rolls his neck and his bones crack loudly ]

DEAN

No way.

GARTH

Go! I’ve got this.

[Garth turns werewolf and Maul stomps towards him]

[ Growling ]

SAM

Garth...

Garth!

[Garth swipes at Maul. Maul hits him and he flies into the back of a dumpster, unconscious. Maul turns to Sam and Dean]

DEAN

Hey, did you believe me when I said I thought we could win this thing?

SAM

Nope.

DEAN

Yeah, me neither.

[ Growls ]

DEAN [yelling at Maul]

Bring it on, Madison!

Hyah!

[Dean kicks Maul in the groin and he doesn’t flinch. Maul kicks Dean in the groin and Dean falls to the ground, grabbing his groin]

DEAN

Ohh!

[ Body thuds ]

[Maul sets his sights on Sam. He stands there, while Sam throws several punches. Maul points to his chin and waits for Sam to hit him. Sam does, to no effect, and Maul hauls off and punches Sam in the face. Sam drops to the ground and Dean jumps up in front of Maul. Dean ‘machine guns’ several punches to Maul’s stomach and then punches him in the face. Annoyed, Maul head buts Dean, knocking him to the ground. It’s Sam’s turn again-he tries to kick Maul but Maul grabs his foot and flips him backwards. Maul picks Dean up and puts him in a choke hold]

DEAN

Ooh.

[ Grunts ]

[ Chokes ]

MAUL

This was fun.

[ Laughs evilly ]

[ Gasps ]

MAUL

Fun.

Unh!

[Dean ‘taps out’ on Maul’s arm and he lets Dean go]

[ Breathes deeply ]

[ Growls ]

[As they’re preparing to fight again, a machete slices through the top of Maul’s head down to his jaw. As he falls, Garth is standing behind him]

GARTH

He got Garth’d.

DEAN

Aha-ha!

[ Higher-pitched and bending over ]

It’s weird. It, like, hurts in my stomach.

It’s not even – It’s, like, up here.

It’s, like, where my ribs are. I don’t know why.

Has my voice gone higher?

ACT V

[Sam and Dean are in Garth’s house, each holding a baby]

[ Baby coos ]

DEAN

This Cass keeps looking at me weird.

SAM

So kind of like the real Cass.

BESS I packed you some of those grilled-cheese sandwiches you love.

DEAN

Oh.

SAM

Oh, thanks.

[ Clears throat ]

[ Baby Cass growls and his eyes turn yellow ]

DEAN [handing baby Cass to Bess]

Uh, you know what?

I think this guy’s got a little something for you.

BESS

Oh.

[ Chuckles ]

SAM [handing baby Sam back to Bess]

Yeah. We better go.

BESS

Oh. Okay.

Bye.

GARTH

I’ll walk you out.

DEAN

Okay. Bye, guys.

BESS

Bye.

SAM

Bye.

[Sam, Dean and Garth are outside the house]

DEAN

Hey, listen, Garth, I just want to say, what – what you did –

GARTH

Ah. It was nothing.

SAM

Nothing? You saved us and blew up a bunch of monsters.

That’s not nothing.

DEAN

That’s – That’s being a hero.

[ Garth chuckles ]

GARTH

I guess I learned from the best.

You guys, you gonna be okay?

DEAN

What? Because we’re normal?

GARTH

That, and because the Almighty’s after you.

SAM

Right, yeah.

Um, I, uh...

We don’t know.

GARTH

Listen, I wasn’t gonna say this earlier, but... there might be something that could help.

DEAN

What kind of something?

GARTH

I heard this story once about this place you can go if your luck’s gone bad.

SAM

What kind of place?

GARTH

Not sure.

The guy who told me said it was in Alaska, on the road between Barrow and Kotzebue.

He said, “You’ll know it when you see it,” whatever that means.

Look, it might not even be real, and you know this stuff works.

There’s always a catch.

And being normal – I mean, maybe you’ll get used to it.

DEAN

Yeah. Maybe.

GARTH

Anyway, if you ever need anything...

SAM

We know.

GARTH

Good.

SAM

Thanks for everything.

[Sam hugs Garth]

DEAN [Hugs Garth]

All right, Garth.

[ Sniffs ]

Hey, you know what?

You don’t smell too bad yourself.

GARTH

It’s Hai Karate.

DEAN

Okay.

[Sam and Dean walk towards the Impala]

GARTH

Stay safe out there.

SAM

You too.

[ Warren Zevon’s “Werewolves of London” plays ]

🎶 I saw a werewolf with a Chinese menu in his hand 🎶

🎶 Walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain 🎶

🎶 He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fook’s 🎶

[Sam and Dean watch Garth and Bess dancing in their living room]

DEAN

You know, I always thought I could be a good dancer if I wanted to be.

🎶 Aa-hooo! Werewolves of London 🎶

SAM

Well, you were awesome at the Macarena.

DEAN

Yeah.

🎶 Aa-hooo! Werewolves of London 🎶

[Inside the Impala]

DEAN

So...

What now?

SAM

I don’t know.

Garth’s right – stuff like that, there’s always a downside.

And being normal...

DEAN

Is fine.

For normal people with normal problems.

But you and me? There’s zero about our lives that’s normal.

And the way things are going, if we don’t fix this, we might kill each other by accident.

SAM

[ Scoffs ] Yeah.

DEAN

And if Chuck comes back, we can’t go up against him like this.

[ Sam sniffs ]

SAM

So, uh...

Alaska?

DEAN

Alaska.

[ Engine starts ]

[ Engine struggling ]

[ Engine stops ]

[ Engine sputtering, car stalls ]

DEAN

SON OF A BITCH!!

🎶