13.13 Devil's Bargain (transcript)

Teaser Scene opens with Castiel stumbling in a forest at night. Flashbacks of Lucifer beating him up. He passes out. Next morning two boys discover Castiel. Boy 1 Told ya I found a body. See. Boy 2 Dead. (pokes Castiel with a stick) Castiel wakes and the two boys run off screaming. Castiel goes back to building he and Lucifer escaped from. Castiel LUCIFER!! Where are you?!

Act one Monroe City, Missouri - Sidewalk – Day Woman on skating clumsily on sidewalk. Man walks out of bakery carrying a wedding cake. She crashes into him and the cake goes flying but he catches the girl before she can fall. Girl I think I just fell for you. Guy I’d catch you anytime you fell. (they continue talking and the scene moves to a man with a smile) Lucifer Nice job. Another happy beginning. Right? Cupid. Title Card Act 2 Lucifer slams Cupid against a fence and cuts his throat and take his grace. LUCIFER Oh…that’s very good. But I need seconds, where can I find more angels? CUPID I..I (Lucifer punches him in the face and grabs him by his coat) LUCIFER Where do I find more angels? CUPID I don’t know. There, there aren’t many of us left. LUCIFER Don’t lie to me CUPID I’m not. Please leave. LUCIFER Oh..okay okay Poor cupid. Fine. You know without your grace you’re only human, so you should be careful. Accidents can happen. (Shoves his fist through Cupid’s chest) Like that. Sorry. Act 3 Bunker – Dean, Sam and Cas sitting at a table DEAN Let me get this straight- you were kidnapped, weeks ago, locked up. Cas, I just talked to you on the phone. CAS No. No. Asmodeus had my phone. You’ve been talking to him. SAM What did he want with you? CAS Well he must have wanted Lucifer, I just, I just happened to be in proximity. SAM Lucifer? No no DEAN No no we slammed his ass back to apocalypse world how did CAS Kevin Tran DEAN Kevin Tran CAS Apocalypse world version, yes. We managed to open a rift using Lucifer’s grace. SAM They have an angel tablet? CAS Yes. And the archangel, Michael, again the apocalypse world version, wants to use the spell to invade and conquer our world. That’s why I met with Lucifer. DEAN So..You met …Cas, I specifically told you not to do anything stupid. CAS Well, he was weak and given the context of our imminent annihilation it didn’t seem stupid. Lucifer wanted to help fight Michael. SAM Oh yeah Lucifer wanted to help, sure. CAS If he were lying I’d have known it. He was, he was scared. But Asmodeus showed up before we could finish our conversation and when we finally managed to escape Lucifer did try to kill me. DEAN Oh so much for helping. SAM He say anything about our mom? CAS She’s alive. That’s all I know. I’m sorry. Act 4 Monroe City – Lucifer is walking down sidewalk, going through “withdrawals” from angel grace. LUCIFER Nothing but humans. Not a wing flapper in sight. Man stares at Lucifer LUCIFER What? What are you gawking at? You never seen the prince of darkness before, pal? Turn around. Come on man. (Lucifer shivering, looking at a window with winter coats, watching people eat while his stomach rumbles.) What? Hungry? Ew..(sees sign for a burger and fries) Seriously? (watches a man(Tim) with a box begging for money) ACT 5 Hell – Asmodeus on throne ASMODEUS It was a simple task. All these fools had to do was keep Lucifer on ice till I returned from an important errand. KETCH Frankly, I’m shocked you left. ASMODEUS I believe I said it was an important errand. (Ketch just glares at Asmodeus) My initial thought was to take Lucifer prisoner but that’s proven to be a… KETCH Monumentally stupid? (stare down between Asmodeus and Ketch) ASMODEUS Indeed. So, take two. I want you to kill him. KETCH Kill, the Devil? ASMODEUS Oh, he’s runnin’ on empty. Nice angel blade to the heart and he’ll go down. Probably. Do it fast though. Before he fills the tank. KETCH And if he does? ASMODEUS Oh. Well then I believe we’re all dead. ACT 6 Monroe City – benches on sidewalk LUCIFER (holding a tin can) Give me some money. Come on man..(as man puts money in Tim’s box) TIM Bless you sir. LUCIFER Gag me. Money. Or your jacket. Money please. Come on…(as people continue to put money in Tim’s box and none to Lucifer) What’s the matter with you?!?! TIM Hey, just so you know, its your vibe. LUCIFER Oh, it’s my vibe? TIM It’s off putting. People don’t, people don’t take to you. LUCIFER Yeah, well, maybe because isn’t me. I, I don’t need money, or food or warmth, or dental floss or any of that crap. Being human sucks. TIM Yeah, but, what’s the alternative? LUCIFER Don’t even get me started, pal. Can I have that please?(to stranger walking by) TIM Well, closing time. You hungry? (Tim(has a bad leg) and Lucifer walking down sidewalk. Lucifer wants to go in restaurant. Tim leads him to dumpster.) LUCIFER Hey hey aren’t we going inside the restaurant there to eat, to eat a little dinner? TIM No, almost there. Come on. (Tim opens dumpster) LUCIFER Ohhhh Come on…. TIM Corelli’s lasagna…kills.. Frankly its better the next day.(hands Lucifer a container from dumpster) LUCIFER OOOkay yeah why don’t we uh.why don’t we take that big pile of cash you got there and go inside the restaurant and get a dinner that’s botulism light? TIM Oh no. That money is going right into the old leg fund. LUCIFER The old leg fund? look I got news for you, your leg is shot. No doctor’s going to help you with that so we might as well TIM I’m not blowing my money on doctors. I’m going to see Sister Jo. LUCIFER Sister Jo? TIM She don’t come cheap but she can heal anything. LUCIFER She’s a faith healer? Okay, let you down easy.. She’s a fake. They’re all fake man. TIM No. I’ve seen it. Boils, blindness, birth defects. She touches you, there’s this glow and you’re cured. LUCIFER Really?? TIM Yeah. ACT 7 Bunker – (Dean walks in carrying demon tablet) CAS It’s a long shot at best. DEAN Yeah well most of what we do are long shots, you get used to it. Cas, I’m sorry. All that time you were with Asmodeus, I should have known it wasn’t you. CAS No, he’s a shapeshifter, besides I was the one who got myself captured. DEAN Yeah, but if Sam and I knew you know we would have CAS Yeah I know you would have tried another long shot. I’m fine, Dean. DEAN You sure about that? CAS Right now all that matters is getting Jack and your mother out of that place. Kay? Look I promised Kelly that I would protect her son. I intend to keep that promise. (Door opens in comes Sam and Donatello) DEAN Hey, there he is. Donny, how you doing? DONATELLO Uh, the usual. Bewildered. DEAN Right, cool. So here’s the plan. We nab Lucifer. SAM If he is as weak as Cas says then the angel cuffs should work on him. CAS Yeah, maybe. DEAN Well, maybe is all we got. So, we grab satan, we use his grace to open a door between the two universes okay? Then we mom and we get jack and then we get out. Slam the door before Michael follows us and destroys our universe. Now it’s gonna be harder than it sounds. DONATELLO And so the spell to open this rift is in the angel tablet. SAM Yeah, they are um on Earth 2. Except CAS Except we don’t have the angel tablet anymore. SAM No, we don’t. But we do have the demon tablet. (uncovers the tablet sitting on the tablet, Donatello picks it up. CAS We thought it might mention the spell as well because it too, is the word of God. DEAN And since you speak God, we figured it was right up your alley. So, give it a swing. DONATELLO These glyphs are nearly impenetrable. SAM Great. Um.. Is there anything we can get you or uh DONATELLO Chicken wings DEAN Excuse me? DONATELLO Chicken wings. Heavy lifting like this requires real brain fuel. My analysis of the half lives of the 33 arsenic isotopes about oh 25 buckets. (Angel radio goes off in Cas) SAM Cas, you alright? CAS It’s angel radio. A vessel was found last night, mutilated. DONATELLO Wait.. Who’s killing angels? ACT 8 Elgin Hall (sign on table For the Fallen $300 minimum) Old lady with a walker is touched by Sister Jo. Light glows from Sister Jo’s hands. Old lady stands up straight and throw walker away. Crowd gasps and claps their hands. Man with burn scares stands before Sister Jo. SISTER JO Don’t be afraid (puts hands on his face, whispers and light glows from hands. Scars fade.) You’re whole again. (hold up mirror so he can see) YOUNG MAN Thank you. (crying) thank you. (crowd is clapping and Lucifer is seen in back of room staring at Sister Jo.) ACT 9 Dean, Sam and Cas in fenced Area where Cupid was killed SAM So according to the report the vic died from trauma something blunt driven through the body. There was also a slit in his neck which means CAS Lucifer fed on this angel’s grace. Which means he’s trying to restore his power and if he does DEAN We’re boned. CAS Epically. ACT 10 Elkin Hall Sister Jo is at the stage counting money SISTER JO We’re closed. Come back tomorrow. LUCIFER Oh but I need a healing Sister Jo. Or should I say Anael? You’re an angel. SISTER JO Back at ya, Lucifer. LUCIFER What no eek? No spare me dark master? No quaking fear? SISTER JO Should I quake? LUCIFER Yeah most people sorta do yeah. SISTER JO I’m not most. LUCIFER Right.. you’re special because you heal people for money. Not very heavenly I have to say. SISTER JO We’re not in heaven. We’re on earth. You may have noticed, around here, the good life ain’t cheap. After the fall, all the angels were a mess. Desperate for housing, any vessel would do. And they had no long game. I, on the other hand, took some care. I listened. A woman was praying for her dying husband, so we made a trade. His life for her vessel. She was grateful. I realized humans are so desperate for life they’d do almost anything, pay almost anything. So.. kaching. I was a so so angel but it turns out I am an excellent business woman. LUCIFER Well that is very impressive. (angel blade slides into his hand) As you can see my high octane grace is a bit low so I came for a recharge which unfortunately doesn’t end well for you. SISTER JO That’s not very cost efficient. Running around, killing angels. LUCIFER What? SISTER JO Wouldn’t it make more sense to keep one premium angel on tap? Take a sip now. Sip later. Not taking all the grace but giving the angel time to recharge. Then, rinse and repeat. LUCIFER And that angel being… You’d do that? SISTER JO Its better than having you suck me dry and kill me isn’t it? This way I help you, you help me. Still a business woman. ACT 11 Sidewalk benches in Monroe City Sam approaches Tim with FBI badge out SAM Excuse me, sir? Do you mind if I ask you a few questions? TIM Yeah, no, I’m kind of working here man. SAM I’ll tell you what, I’ll be quick. I promise. Just tell me, have you ever seen this man?(holds a pic of Lucifer on phone) TIM Actually we had a lovely chat. He was curious about this faith healer I’m saving up to see. She’s gonna fix this leg right up. Sister Jo. SAM Did he, uh, believe in her? TIM Not at first but after I described her skills he was very supportive. ACT 12 Elgin Hall – night time Lucifer drinking Sister Jo’s grace. LUCIFER Woo. SISTER JO Better? LUCIFER So much better. Ahh That was so much more fun than my last time. Had to kill that guy. SISTER JO When was that? LUCIFER Two nights ago. SISTER JO That was you? That was all over angel radio. LUCIFER Yeah. Star power, can’t fight it. SISTER JO Did anyone know you were coming here? ACT 13 Sam, Dean and Cas at Elgin Hall – all three with angel blades They come bursting through the doors to.. Ketch KETCH Heheh its only you. DEAN What the hell are you doing here? KETCH Do we really have to do all of this again? Last time we were together I saved your lives and you shot me. Doesn’t that make us even? DEAN No, I guess not. SAM Dean asked you a question. What are you doing here? KETCH My sources tell me Lucifer’s back, he’s weak and he’s or was in this wonderful little slice of Americana. I was going to try and kill him. As were you, I assume. SAM Okay, who are you working for? KETCH Isn’t it possible that I am simply trying to strike a blow for the good of humanity? CAS No. That’s not possible. KETCH Truth be told taking out Lucifer would be an enormous feather in the cap. My business model is very, um, word of mouth. SAM Alright, so if Lucifer isn’t here, where is he? KETCH Ah, excellent question. I propose we team up. Share intel. Cover more ground. Hmm? Huzzah! (Cas reaches out and touches Ketch on the forehead knocking him out. He then gets loaded into the trunk of Baby) DEAN Alright, I say we take dickbag back to the bunker and find out what he knows, put a bullet in him and burn his bones and flush his ashes. CAS I like that plan. SAM Hey, check this out. (shows video of Sister Jo on his tablet) DEAN That’s Sister Jo, the faith healer? CAS No that’s not a, she’s an angel. Her name is Anael. SAM Alright, so say Lucifer drained her and killed her, where’s her body? ACT 14 Dean, Sam and Cas in Impala on road Sam gets an alert on his phone. SAM No way. DEAN What you got? SAM So I set an alert up on my phone. It looks like Sister Jo just used her credit card. CAS Where? ACT 15 Hotel – Sister Jo and Lucifer are seen through the window. Lucifer tries to take more grace from Sister Jo. SISTER JO We don’t have to rush. (puts her hand on the angel blade stopping him) We can do this slowly. (helps him slice her neck and he takes some grace. This is done several times til they lay on bed.) SISTER JO It’s always so strange. That final moment. When ive lost just enough grace that I’m almost.. LUCIFER Human? SISTER JO I feel emotions, sensations, things they must feel. LUCIFER Yeah, I had that experience. I didn’t like it. Hunger, cold, loneliness. I don’t know how they keep going. SISTER JO I do. When I’m in that place, I can see how there’d be pain but there’s also hope, love even. Angels can only imagine. Sometimes I envy humans, they can be anything. Do you know what my job was upstairs? I pushed a button. A soul would come in, I’d push a button, they’d be counted and I’d wait for the next. So… LUCIFER Boring? SISTER JO Eternal. I mean, I had ideas. I saw how heaven was running and I knew how to fix it and no one would listen to me. Not Michael, not Raphael. Not Naomi. They would just send me back to push my button. LUCIFER So up there you’re nobody. Down here, you’re somebody. SISTER JO After the fall, when we lost our wings, I wasn’t devastated. I was liberated. I was finally free. But you must know how that feels. LUCIFER No. No I always wanted to fit in, please a father I couldn’t please. And now I’m gonna be a father. Probably screw it up like he did. SISTER JO Lucifer, the great and terrible. LUCIFER I don’t know why I said that. Stupid. I mean its like pretty soon I’m not going to feel anything. I mean the more I do this the stronger I get, the more “me” I become. Lucifer, Prince of darkness, King of lies. I’m back baby. SISTER JO

Then what?

LUCIFER And then I find my son and then the fun really starts. ACT 16 Hell – Asmodeus sitting on throne, minion enters room ASMODEUS This better be good news. MINION It is, my lord. The prophet, we found him. ACT 17 Chicken Restaurant – Donatello leaving with a bucket of wings Cas is behind him DONATELLO Ohh Hey! It’s you. I thought I felt a presence. CAS I sensed you as well. Sam and Dean are still tracking Lucifer but they asked me to check in on you. DONATELLO Oh well uh I’m making progress with the demon tablet but oh my goodness it’s a challenge. CAS Really? DONATELLO I have determined though that there is definitely some kind of spell for uh, you know, opening a door to that other world. CAS Well that would be very useful. DONATELLO Yes, the ingredients are very very complicated. I’m just starting to, uh, decipher them. CAS Well let me know if there is anything I can do to help. DONATELLO I really doubt it. Since apparently I’m the only one on the planet who can read the damn thing. I just hope I’m in time. CAS You mean before Michael comes DONATELLO Before anything happens to Jack or the boys’ mom. I couldn’t live with myself if they never make it out of that terrible place. (Cas becomes Asmodeus) ASMODEUS Yes yes that would be very tragic. Forget this(as he places his hand on Donatello’s forehead) Whatever you find on that tablet you will report to me. Understand? DONATELLO (in a daze) yes. ASMODEUS Good boy. Run along now. ACT 18 Hotel where Sister Jo and Lucifer are staying. Dean, Sam and Cas pull up in Impala and get out. DEAN This is it? SAM Yep, last place Jo or someone used her credit card. Checked in last night. CAS Do you think Lucifer is with her? DEAN Or she’s dead. One way to find out. (inside room – Lucifer on bed reading bible) LUCIFER Would you look at this? Wrong, that’s wrong. Does anybody fact check this stuff? (phone rings Sister Jo answers) SISTER JO Hello? My card? Of course its good. SAM (on phone) Yeah okay. You know what, our system must be screwy do you mind bringing the card back so I can run it again? SISTER JO Okay, just a minute. SAM Sure I’ll be here. That’s great. Thank you. (to Dean and Cas) Well good news, she’s alive. (Sister Jo walks toward hotel office, Cas steps out) CAS Anael. SISTER JO Castiel. What are you doing here? DEAN We’re going to ask you the same thing? SAM We’re looking for Lucifer. Have you seen him? Do you know where he is? SISTER JO Yes, he’s in the room. CAS Has he hurt you? SISTER JO Not yet. He’s threatened. He wants to drain my grace. SAM So he’s still weak? SISTER JO Very. You have to help me. DEAN We will. But first you’re going to have to help us. (back in room) LUCIFER Dad’s been stealing my best lines, man. (Knock on door) SISTER JO Lord Lucifer? Can you let me in? Sorry, I forgot my key. LUCIFER Lord Lucifer… I likey. (opens door) Booya. DEAN Morning sunshine. LUCIFER Sup, Gents? Hehehey.. ah.. oh cas.. You’re alive. That’s awesome. SISTER JO They made me. They forced me to tell them how weak you still are. LUCIFER Well great seeing you. It’s been a long time. Eh nice jacket there Dean. Your hair, Sam, its magnificent. Is that a leave in conditioner you have there? SAM (to Sister Jo) We got this. Go. LUCIFER So what do we do now? You gonna kill me? DEAN Mmm, eventually. (holds up angel cuffs) Sister Jo attacks Sam, Lucifer gets Cas and then Dean. SISTER JO to Lucifer We need to go. LUCIFER I just want to enjoy this for just a minute. (as he squeezes Dean, Sam and Cas) That’s good. That’s really good. (Ketch shows up at door with a bomb, Lucifer and Jo vanish to a field) LUCIFER (coughing) I have got to get in better shape. This is ridiculous. Back at Hotel DEAN Wait wait wait wait did you just… KETCH No they vanished before it went off. But you’re welcome. (back to field) LUCIFER Alright so why did you… you know? SISTER JO Like I said, I help you, you help me. LUCIFER Right. Cool. Okay, so where on earth do we go now? (hotel room) DEAN Congratulations, you just helped Lucifer escape. KETCH Put another way, I opted out of my own escape and put myself in harms way to save your lives. Again. SAM Alright, alright. How did you get out of the trunk? KETCH I’m Ketch. I found the demon bomb in your weapons cache and I thought with Lucifer’s weakened state it might make a dent. CAS Well, it seems his weakened state may have been greatly exaggerated. SAM Yeah exactly and Jo? What’s the deal with her? CAS I don’t know. In heaven she was nothing. She was a low level functionary. DEAN Yeah, well, now she’s satan’s gal pal. That’s awesome. KETCH Gentlemen, this may once again fall deaf ears but I shall have another go. Clearly, Lucifer is more dangerous than we thought. I propose we pool resources and go after him together. SAM Dude, why would we ever trust you? KETCH Fine, as proof of my sincerity, I shall come clean. I’m working for Asmodeus. Happy? DEAN Woah, what? How is that supposed to make us feel better? KETCH It’s not. It’s supposed to present an opportunity. If I’m working for him then I can pass information on to you. CAS Oh right. And you would do that for us? KETCH For everyone. I know you think I’m a monster. DEAN Because you are. KETCH But even I must draw the line somewhere. And letting Lucifer free upon the earth? Well, as it turns out, that’s my line. Not to mention the whole Michael situation. I know you want to kill me. I know you can’t forgive me but if you think about it I’m the lesser of well at least three evils. All I ask is that you wait to murder me until after I prove useful. Hmm? ACT 19 Angel playground LUCIFER I know we’ve had our problems in the past, little family squabbles, minor little disagreements, ya know kids being kids kind of stuff but right now you need me. ANGEL 1 Kill him. LUCIFER Woah hey now Hold on. Hold on. Number one its true, I am powered down but you can’t kill me. ANGEL 1 We could try. Repeatedly. LUCIFER Look, number 2, I happen to know heaven is in short supply of angels. Alright let’s face it. After pop took a powder your only strength, your only defense was in numbers. Yeah? And now with the prince of hell physically running… hell, if the dark side makes a move y’all are screwed. You need more you. With dad gone and everything I mean who’s still up for birthing angels? Yo! Yo! ANGEL 1 You can’t. SISTER JO He can, Duma. ANGEL 1(DUMA) Who are you to speak to me? LUCIFER Okay she’s with me and you’re going to listen to her. Hey, look I was here when you, when all of you were born. I saw how the old man did it. I can make angels. Okay? And I’ll do it if.. ANGEL 1 Enough games Lucifer. LUCIFER If for my incredible act of generosity you name me the undisputed and unquestioned ruler in heaven. (laughter from other angels) yeah funny. Oh come on!! Let’s face it. You don’t want to run the place. Angels were designed to follow not lead. Don’t give me the stink eye. It wasn’t my idea. The point is you need me. And icing on the cake guys, how’d you like your wings back? ACT 20 Bunker with Dean, Sam, Cas and Donatello CAS So, Ketch, can we trust him? DEAN Not even a little. SAM Of course not, but, we need him. For now. CAS Right. And when we don’t? DEAN Guess… SAM Donatello? You’re doing great. It looks like you made a lot of progress. DONATELLO (screaming) It's like pulling friggin' teeth!! (calmly) I’m working my way through the ingredients. SAM Right. Okay. At least we know the spell we need is in there and we have a plan. ACT 21 Throne room of heaven. Lucifer sitting on throne, Sister jo standing beside him. All other angels kneeling. LUCIFER (eyes turning red) Hail to the king, baby. ACT 22 Hell KETCH Missed him by seconds. Rest assured, Lucifer will be found. ASMODEUS And killed. Before he causes any more problems. Or those idiot Winchesters use him to open up a gate to Michael land. Another stick up his ass archangel is the last thing I need. KETCH Yes, well Lucifer is getting stronger and as good as I am, and I am very good, I don’t think even I can beat the devil at full power. ASMODEUS About that.. you recall the important errand I had mentioned? Word had got back to me that a certain artifact I thought had been lost forever, resurfaced. And now its mine. (opens case to show a blade) Beautiful isn’t it? KETCH Oh yes. ASMODEUS The only known weapon capable of destroying an archangel, the archangel blade. KETCH You’ll forgive me but my reading of the lore suggests that the blade is only effective if wielded by an archangel. ASMODEUS Really? Thanks for the news flash. (window in a cell opens) Allow me to make an introduction, Mr. Ketch, meet the archangel, Gabriel.