3.13 Ghostfacers (transcript)

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SUPERNATURAL

3.13 Ghostfacers

Written by: Ben Edlund

Directed by: Phil Sgriccia

Air Date: 24 Apr 2008

TEASER

SUPERNATURAL Title Card, broken up by interference, only to switch to:

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

HARRY SPENGLER and ED ZEDDMORE sitting in easy chairs in front of a fireplace, dressed in formal wear and holding brandy glasses.

HARRY: Hello. I am Harry Spengler

ED: And I am Ed Zeddmore. Now if you have received this tape, you must be some sort of bigwig network executive. Well, today is your lucky day, mister.

HARRY: Because the unsolicited pilot you are about to watch is the bold new future of "reality TV."

ED: Mmmm. We know you've had it hard during the crippling writer's strike.

HARRY: Lazy fat cats.

ED: Who needs writers when you've got guys like us?

HARRY gestures and reaches for... a cheap dimmer switch.

ED: Our team faced horrible horrors to bring you the footage that will change your world forever. So strap in for the scariest hour in the history of television.

HARRY: In the history of your life...

ED: Strap in for...

HARRY AND ED (TOGETHER): Ghostfacers!

GHOSTFACERS theme song and opening montage, showing the characters and names: ED, HARRY, SPRUCE, MAGGIE, CORBETT, SAM, and DEAN

MUSIC: Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the ghosts when the others will not. We're Ghost...Ghostfacers. Stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot. Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the nightmare, we face the dread. Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the faces, we face the dead!" (screams) When you trip and fall into the supernatural, we're who you're gonna call. We face them all! Ghost...Ghostfacers. We face the faces, we face the dead! We're Ghost...Ghostfacers!

ACT ONE

EXT. CAR IN SUBURBAN NEIGHBORHOOD - DAY

Harry and Ed exit an AMC Gremlin with Wisconsin license plate, each carrying a metal briefcase with a "Ghostfacers" sticker. WESTERN-STYLE MUSIC playing.

ED (V.O.): You know, it can get kind of hard balancing our daytime careers with our nighttime missions.

HARRY (V.O.): Yeah, but Ed and I pretty much call the shots at the Kinko's where we work, so we can usually pretty much get off by six every night?

ED: Yeah, six o'clock. It used to be just, you know, you and I taking on the cases -- just Harry and me.

HARRY: Two lone wolves.

ED: And two lone wolves need, uh...other wolves.

PHASE 1: THE HOMEWORK

INT. GHOSTFACERS "OFFICE" - DAY

ED: Morning, 'facers.

HARRY: Good morning, Ghostfacers.

SPRUCE (O.S.) It's seven p.m., dude.

HARRY: It's morning to a Ghostfacer. Corbett, what do we got, buddy?

CORBETT: Oh, I'm just putting up some of the --

ED: Yeah, this has got to go up here. That's got to go here. got to see the whole field. Markers, eraser -- good job.

CORBETT: I first saw Ed putting up flyers down at the -- the outlet mall in Scogan, so I-I read one, and I thought to myself, "huh. Where do ghosts come from?" And now here I am.

HARRY: Ed, your sister's abusing staff.

ED: That's adopted sister, thank you very much.

MAGGIE: Ed has been obsessed with the supernatural since we were kids, you know, and then he meets Harry at computer camp...and love at first geek.

SPRUCE: Spruce here. What up, playaaa?

EXT. BALL CART ON DRIVING RANGE - DAY

SPRUCE: I am 15/16 Jew, 1/16 Cherokee. My grandfather is a mohel, my great-grandfather was a tallis maker, and my great-great-grandfather was a degenerate gambler and had a peyote addiction.

INT. GHOSTFACERS OFFICE - DAY

ED: Okay, people. Let's cut the chatter and get on a mission. Okay? Morton house...

CUT TO EXT. FOOTAGE OF MORTON HOUSE

INT. OFFICE

ED: ...one of our big fish. All right, we all know the legend. Every four years, supposedly, this becomes the most haunted place in America.

EXT. FOOTAGE OF MORTON HOUSE

INT. OFFICE

HARRY: The leap year ghost, some call it. The ghost returns at midnight just as February 29th begins.

MAGGIE: And no one has ever stayed the night, right?

HARRY: Yeah, well, every testimony that we dug up, every eyewitness has cut and run well before midnight.

ED: Well, that's all about to change, baby.

HARRY: Absolutely true, Ed. Absolutely true.

ED: Mmm. That's good.

CORBETT: It's French vanilla, 'cause the other day, you said how much you liked it, so...

ED: Thank you.

CORBETT: You are welcome.

EXT. DRIVERS SEAT OF CAR - DAY

HARRY: I like Corbett. I do. Shows up early, does his job, lot of good hustle out --

Corbett knocks on window and waves.

I think he's got the hots for Ed, and that could spell trouble for the whole team.

INT. OFFICE - DAY

CORBETT: Ed's kind of the more rugged, with that really golden...beautiful sort of beard. Definitely nice. Uh, and Harry's nice.

ED: 29th is this Friday, facers. We want this mission, we got to move on it now, or guess what -- He's gone for another four years.

Sudden loud noise; Ed's whiteboard crashes to the ground, caused by the garage door it was attached to opening up.

Oh, watch out!

Who is that?

ED: Dad! Come on!

HARRY: Just cut the cameras. We don't need that. We don't need this part. We don't --

PHASE II: INFILTRATION

EXT. OUTSIDE CHAINLINK FENCE - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

ED: Stay low. Follow formation. Okay, as suspected. A lot of people have tried to break into the Morton house. The local authorities have just gotten fed up.

HARRY: Looks like the cops have got this place pretty well fenced off.

MAGGIE: Wait. Didn't you guys get, like, a permit or something?

HARRY: A permit? That's a good idea for next time.

ED: Yeah.

SPRUCE (O.S.) Car!

HARRY: Car. shh, shh! Flashlights off.

MAGGIE: Keep totally still.

We hear the loud rumble of a car engine approaching, along with a radio playing "We're an American Band." It's the IMPALA, driven by DEAN, slowing to a crawl, with SAM in the passenger seat shining a flashlight towards the Morton House before they drive away.

SPRUCE: It's okay. Not cops -- just hicks.

HARRY: Ed's got it.

Ed opens gate with wire cutters.

Guys, let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Go! go!

INT. FOYER - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

ED: Hear that, people? Let's keep it quiet.

HARRY: There's the kitchen sink.

ED: Copy that. Copy that.

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

ED: All right, everybody. Ghostfacers, let's line up. Everybody. We'll set up camp right here. This is command center one.

HARRY: We're gonna call this the Eagle's Nest.

Fastforward footage of Ghostfacers setting up equipment.

CORBETT: Hallway cam one up and running.

ED: Looking good, Corbett.

CORBETT: Copy that, Ed.

ED: Uh...uh, you're welcome.

ED: All right, Spruce, how are we doing there, buddy?

SPRUCE: Checking basement camera two, mein fuhrer.

ED: Maggie, I got no visual on you, Maggie.

MAGGIE: This is Maggie. Do you copy?

ED: There you are. Hello. Harry, are you alive?

HARRY: Upstairs, Ed. Camera one.

ED: Looking good. I can smell syndication. All right, fellas. Let's regroup at the Eagle's Nest.

Morton House 10:40PM Base Camp

HARRY: All right, Spengler. Battery check, battery check. Check. Okay.

SPRUCE: Check. Check. Yo, Corbett, dude.

HARRY: Lookin' good, Corbett.

SPRUCE: You're Robocop.

CORBETT: R-robocop? You think I -- you think I look like Robocop?

ED: Everybody, bring it in. Bring it in.

We've all been here before. Standard walk-through. Team one, west. Team two, east. Spin the tires, light the fires. Ghostfacers on three. 1, 2, 3...

ALL: Ghostfacers!

PHASE III: FACE TIME

MORTON HOUSE 10:51 PM 1ST FLOOR: TEAM 1 - ED & CORBETT

ED: Hello! I'm speaking to the restless spirits of the Morton house!

CORBETT: Okay.

ED: Hello! My name's Ed. Careful. Watch my back.

CORBETT: Okay. Okay.

ED: What's your name? (Looks at EMF meter) .3, .29.

CORBETT: Is there an entity or entities here with us now? Can you give us a sign of your presence?

ED: You got to breathe, buddy.

CORBETT: I can't breathe.

ED: Corbett, night vision.

CORBETT: Okay. Okay. Yeah.

ED: Calm down, buddy. Breathe, all right? Calm the whirlwinds of your mind.

2ND FLOOR: TEAM 2 - HARRY, SPRUCE, MAGGIE

HARRY: We're doing a basic EMF, EVP, temp-flux sweep. Looks like we've got all of our ducks in a row here.

Camera interference, EMF noise.

HARRY: What?

SPRUCE: I don't know. It's weird. It's gone.

HARRY: All right. Get this. Get this.

Harry tries unsuccessfully to kick in the door.

SPRUCE: Turn the knob.

HARRY: All right...that's a good idea.

Opens door.

Jerky camera movement as Harry runs away yelling.

HARRY: Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

Oh, my god! Oh, my god!

SPRUCE: It's just a rat, dude.

EXT. DRIVERS SEAT OF CAR - DAY

HARRY: I don't really like rats. They're gross. Rats are like the... rats of the world.

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

HARRY: What -- was that an apparition? Was that a spectral -- was that a .4? What do we got, 'cause the EMP was just off the --

Spruce throws a dead rat at Harry.

HARRY: Oh, god! Oh, that is so not funny, Spruce!

INT. 1ST FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

CORBETT: Oh, god. Okay, it was just... I think it was just this branch... Okay...in the window.

ED: This is spooky, man. This place...

CORBETT: Okay. Oh, no!

Corbett and Ed are confronted by two figures approaching with flashlights.

DEAN: Freeze! police officers! don't move!

SAM: All right. All right. All right. Take it easy, take it easy.

DEAN: Let's see some identification.

SAM: Come on. Let's see some i.d.

CORBETT: What -- are we under -- under arrest?

ED: We are unarmed.

CORBETT: Oh, god. Oh, god.

DEAN: Want to explain that weirdo outfit, Mr., uh, Corbett?

ED: I know you.

DEAN: Yeah, sure you do. Give me some identification.

ED: Yeah, ho-- whoa, hold on a second. I know the both of you guys. Yeah.

CORBETT: What?

ED: Yeah, huh.

SAM: Holy [Bleep]!

DEAN: What?

SAM: Uh, West Texas... the... the tulpa we had to take out. Those two goofballs that almost got us killed... The hellhounds or something?

DEAN: [Bleep] me.

ED: Yeah, we're not hellhounds anymore, okay? It didn't test that well.

CORBETT: Ed, what's going on?

ED: They're not cops, buddy -- no, not at all.

DEAN: Ed, Ed, you had a partner, too, didn't you -- A different guy?

ED: Oh, yeah, yeah.

DEAN: Is he around here somewhere?

ED: He's running around, chasing ghosts.

DEAN: Okay, well, listen, you and Rambo need to get your girlfriends and get out of here.

ED: All right. Listen here, chisel chest, okay? We were here first. We've already set up base camp. We beat you.

DEAN (to Sam): They were here first.

ED: Mm hmm.

Dean grabs Ed.

ED: Oh, god.

DEAN: Ed...

ED: Yeah?

DEAN: ...where's your partner?

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

HARRY: 10.6. 10.7, guys. The EMF is really spiking here.

MAGGIE: Temperature's down, like, 11 degrees.

HARRY: All right, all right, keep your eyes peeled. This could be it. Maggie, can I get a reading in here, please?

Camera interference.

SPRUCE: Something keeps messing with the chip. I don't know what's going on here.

More interference, then suddenly a man in 50s-style suit and hat appears.

SPRUCE: Guys. Guys. Guys.

APPARITION OF MAN IN HAT: Look buddy, I'm sorry. That's it. I'm telling you, that's all the money I --

Gunshots ring out, apparition of man falls and disappears.

GHOSTFACERS

ACT TWO

INT. LIVING ROOM - MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

DEAN: What are you doing in the Morton House, Ed - on leap year -- what are you thinking?

ED: We're here to spend the night, okay? It's for our TV show.

SAM: What? Great. Perfect.

CORBETT: Yeah, nobody's ever spent the night before.

DEAN: Uh, actually, yeah, they have.

ED: Uh, we've never heard of them.

DEAN: Yeah, you know why? 'Cause the ones that have haven't lived to talk about it!

ED: Oh, come on, I don't believe you.

SAM: Look -- missing-persons reports going back almost a half century. John Graham stayed on a dare -- gone. Julie Wilkerson -- gone. There are tons more. All of them came to just stay the night through, always on a leap year. The only body they ever found was the last owner, Freeman Daggett.

ED: These look legit.

SAM: They are legit. Look, Ed, we ain't got much time here, buddy. Starting at midnight, your friends are going to die.

HARRY, MAGGIE, and SPRUCE run down the stairs and into the living room.

HARRY: Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Guys! Guys! Oh, my god! Oh, my god! We got one! Corbett! Corbett, we saw one! We saw one!

ED: Get outta here!

HARRY: It was a full apparition! It was like a class four. It was a spectral illumination! It...

MAGGIE: It was amazing!

HARRY (Noticing Sam and Dean): Hey, aren't those the [Bleep] from Texas?

ED: Yes.

DEAN: All right, let's have this reunion across the street, guys.

HARRY: Crap. What are you guys doing here?

DEAN: Come on, come on. We'll get you ice cream -- our treat. What do you say? Let's go.

HARRY: Yeah, I say no.

MAGGIE: Look at this. Look, look. Ed, Ed. No. No. Look at this. Okay, honest-to-god proof, all right?

MAGGIE shows the group their footage on the laptop.

ED: Are you kidding me?

HARRY: Yeah. no, not kidding.

SPRUCE: What kind of reading did we get?

HARRY: Uh, it was a 10.9.

ED: 10.9?

HARRY: Yeah, it was 10.9. It was almost 11. I came out, and I was like, "what's going on?" And I was like -- wait, watch this. Oh! He got blasted. It was crazy.

SAM and DEAN walk away from the group and talk amongst themselves. SPRUCE follows them, still recording them on his camera.

SAM: Think we were off on this? I mean, that was just a death echo.

DEAN: Yeah, but what's it doing here? Did anybody get shot here?

SAM: No, not that I could find.

SPRUCE: What's a death echo?

SAM: Look, we got a problem here. That ghost ain't it.

HARRY: Yeah, that's real. Like, that happened.

SPRUCE: What's a death echo?

DEAN: Echoes are trapped in a loop, okay? They keep replaying how they died over and over and over again, usually in the place where they were ganked. It's about as dangerous as a scary movie.

SAM: So maybe the echo's not dangerous, but maybe something else is.

DEAN: You're right. All right, we need to get out of here, guys. Come on. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Pack it up.

SAM: Guys, time is running out!

DEAN: We're moving!

MAGGIE: What about all of our equipment? What are we gonna...

DEAN: Lots of fun. Let's go.

HARRY: We got more material. We got all kinds of stuff. We'll make you guys recurring guest stars.

ED: Wait! Wait!! Where's Corbett?

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

CORBETT: I wish to communicate with the restless spirits here.

Camera interference.

CORBETT: Uh, lights out? Oh, I think I got night vision here.

CORBETT switches to night vision. As he points the camera to himself, we see a tall ghostly figure appear suddenly behind him.

CORBETT: That's better.

INT. LIVING ROOM MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

ED: No man left behind.

An anguished scream is heard in the distance.

ED: That was Corbett.

HARRY: That was Corbett! Corbett!

MAGGIE: Corbett! it's okay!

ED, HARRY, and MAGGIE run upstairs while SAM and DEAN protest.

DEAN: We'll get him! Go back!

SAM: Guys! [Bleep]!

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

No! where are you, dude?

Tell us where you are!

Corbett!

CORBETT: Let me go!! Guys!!!

ED: Corbett, you need to come back, Corbett.

CORBETT (Screaming): No!!!!

DEAN: Hey! Hey! Hey! Come on.

CORBETT's screams continue, fading away.

MORTON HOUSE 11:59 PM MORTON HOUSE 12:00 AM

SAM: Corbett's... He's not here. Let's go. Let's go.

HARRY: No. No. No. But that's Corbett. No, that was Corbett. Didn't you hear that?

DEAN: Go, go, go, come on.

SAM: Guys. Guys. Guys. He's that way.

SAM: Here we go. Here we go. Keep it moving. Keep it moving.

ED: Corbett?

SAM: Hey, hey, hey. Watch him. Watch him.

DEAN thumps HARRY with his flashlight.

DEAN Go. Go. Move. Move. Turn it off!

Static.

INT. LIVING ROOM MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

MORTON HOUSE 12:04 AM FEBRUARY 29TH

ED: Oh, god, what's happened? Oh, god. He's gone. He just disappeared.

HARRY: Okay, let's just go through all the angles. Let's go through all the cameras we have.

SAM: Well, it's 12:04, Dean. You good? You happy?

DEAN: Yeah, I am happy.

SAM: "Let's go hunt the Morton house," you said, "it's our Grand Canyon."

DEAN: Sam, I don't want to hear this.

SAM: You got two months left, Dean. Instead, we're gonna die tonight.

SAM picks up a chair and smashes it against the sealed front door.

SPRUCE: Whoa! what the hell is going on guys?

SAM: I'll tell you what's going on. Every door, every window, I'm guessing every exit out of this house -- they're all sealed.

MAGGIE: But w-why are they sealed?

DEAN: It's a supernatural lockdown, okay? Whatever took Corbett doesn't want us to leave, and it's no death echo. This is a bad mother, and it wants us scared.

MAGGIE: Or it just wants us.

Sound of the EMF detector going off. More camera interference as we see HARRY sidle up to MAGGIE as they secretly hold hands.

SPRUCE: Uh, guys, the camera's fritzing again.

ED: Whoa. Whoa. Guys, the EMF's starting to spike. This is a big one!

SAM: Everybody, stay close. There's something coming.

Another apparition appears.

ALL: Whoa!!!

DEAN: Is this the same echo you guys saw earlier?

HARRY: No, it's a different guy.

DEAN: Multiple echoes? What the hell's going on?

SAM: Beats me.

DEAN: Okay. All right. All right. All right.

DEAN starts to yell at the apparition.

DEAN: Uh, hey, buddy! Hey. Hey. Wake up. You're dead! Hello!

HARRY: What's he doing? What's he doing?

SAM: It's rare, but sometimes you can shock an echo out of its loop if you can talk to the part of the ghost that's still human, but usually you have to have some kind of connection to the deceased.

DEAN: Come on! Wake up! Be dead!

Camera interference; the apparition flickers and turns around.

HARRY: You guys hear that?

ED: What's that sound?

HARRY: You guys hear that?

DEAN: Snap out of it, buddy, huh? Come on, what are you waiting for? You're gonzo! You're dead!

Bright light shines on the apparition and the sound of a car horn approaching. The apparition flies backwards, as if hit by an invisible vehicle.

HARRY: Where the hell did it go?

Footage of exterior of Morton House.

INT. 2ND FLOOR MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

The group follow SAM and DEAN down the hallway.

DEAN: Dude, there's no records of any of this here. No one got shot here. Obviously, no one got run over by a freaking train.

SAM: Stay close.

MAGGIE: Did the echoes take Corbett?

DEAN: Yes. No. I don't know. We don't know what's doing what here; that's what we're trying to figure out, okay?

SAM: All right, stay close. Okay, look, um, death echoes are ghosts, okay? Now, ghosts -- they usually haunt places where they lived or where they died.

DEAN: Except these mooks didn't live or die here.

SAM: Right.

MAGGIE: So, what are they doing here?

DEAN: Hey, give the lady a cigar. All right, seriously, does looking at this nightmare through that camera make you feel better or something? I mean...

MAGGIE: Um...I, uh... Well, yeah. Uh, yeah. I think so.

DEAN: Oh.

Group continues to walk through house. Shot of infamous DEER HEAD on wall. They enter a room full of stuffed animal heads on the walls, as well as file cabinets.

SAM (holding up broken framed certificate): Freeman Daggett, house's last owner, officially commended for 20 years of fine service at the Gamble General Hospital.

DEAN: He was a doctor?

SAM: Janitor.

DEAN: This looks like his den. When'd you say he died -- '64?

SAM: Yeah, heart attack.

MAGGIE: What are these, c-rations?

DEAN: Yeah, army-issued, three squares -- like a lifetime supply.

MAGGIE: God, is that all he ate?

DEAN: One-stop shopping.

DEAN: Hello, locked.

ED: Oh, come on, guys. This is ridiculous. I mean, how the hell is this supposed to find Corbett, huh? We should be digging up the friggin' floorboards right now.

SAM (holding up a dusty pamphlet): Huh. "Survival Under Atomic Attack." An optimist.

Loud BANG as DEAN pries the safe open.

DEAN: (Leafing through file box) Crap. Crap. Taxidermy. Okay. You said Daggett was a hospital janitor?

SAM: Yeah.

DEAN: Ewww. Got three toe tags here -- one, death by gunshots, train accident, and suicide.

SAM: Ewwwwww!

HARRY: What?

SAM: Well, that explains why all the death echoes are here. They're here because their bodies are here...somewhere in the house?

DEAN: Daggett brought the remains home from the morgue. To *play*.

HARRY and ED: Ewwwwwwwwww!!!!! Ugh!!!!!

SPRUCE: That's nasty, dude.

SAM: Right.

DEAN: Wait a minute.

MAGGIE: Corbett.

MAGGIE startles herself by coming across her own reflection in a mirror.

MAGGIE: Okay, Maggie.

Camera interference. Maggie swings the camera around, frightened, to reveal DEAN.

DEAN: Closer to the herd, okay?

HARRY: Maggie? Maggie?

DEAN: She's fine.

ED: Harry. Harry, I got an 8.6 and climbing fast. Something huge is coming. Look. Something big is coming.

Camera interference.

HARRY: It's past 11, you guys.

DEAN: What? Nobody move! Hold on. Hold on. Stay quiet.

More camera interference, then suddenly SAM, standing next to DEAN, disappears into thin air.

ED: It's really cold in here.

MAGGIE: Harry?

DEAN: Sam?

ED: Some kind of surge.

DEAN: Sam???

SPRUCE: Where'd he go?

MAGGIE: Oh, no.

DEAN finds SAM's dropped flashlight and picks it up.

DEAN: Sam!!!!!!!!!!

ACT THREE

DEAN: Sammy!!!!!!!!!

ED: Corbett! Sam!

HARRY: Corbett! Talk to us!

DEAN: Sam!

Corbett! Corbett!

DEAN: Sam!!!

Camera swings around to center on MAGGIE and HARRY.

MAGGIE: God, I am so scared. I'm so scared.

HARRY: It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay, Maggie.

MAGGIE and HARRY start to kiss.

Cut to ED in a hallway.

ED: Corbett!

Cut to MAGGIE and HARRY, still making out.

SPRUCE (O.S., behind camera): Bom-chicka-bow-wow...whoa.

ED finds MAGGIE and HARRY.

ED: My best friend... And my best sister.

HARRY: Ed.

ED: Harry.

HARRY: Ed.

ED: Harry.

HARRY: Ed. listen, Ed.

HARRY: Are you banging my sister?

HARRY: No! No!

ED (to SPRUCE): Hold my glasses.

SPRUCE: You got it.

HARRY: Ed.

ED attacks HARRY.

HARRY: Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed! Ed!

SPRUCE: Guys!

MAGGIE: Get off Harry!

DEAN shows up and breaks up the fight

DEAN: What the [Bleep] are you doing?! Cut it out! We're down by two people. Sam! Sammy!

MAGGIE: Great.

HARRY: Sorry.

ED: I'm sorry. Give me my glasses. Did he knock my -- my tooth there?

SPRUCE: Uh, no.

ED: I won that, right?

SPRUCE: Yep. You're good.

HARRY: Thanks, Spruce.

SPRUCE: Yeah, it's my fault.

MAGGIE: That's real great. That's nice. Thanks.

INT. ROOM IN MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

"It's My Party" playing in the background. Through a night-vision camera, we see a table with a cake and confetti.

SAM (O.S., behind camera): Corbett. Corbett. Hey. Corbett, hey.

CORBETT: Sam?

SAM: Corbett, hey, you got to keep listening to my voice, okay? I'm right here. Stay awake.

DAGGETT (O.S.): Don't listen.

DAGGETT picks up a knife.

DAGGETT: It stops hurting, so don't worry.

SAM: Corbett, stay with me. Stay with me, you got it? I'm right here. Hey. Stay with me. Don't. Don't.

DAGGETT stabs CORBETT through the throat.

SAM: No. Corbett! No! Corbett!

INT. HALLWAY MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

HARRY: Corbett! Where'd you guys go?

MAGGIE: Where are you guys?

HARRY: Dean, what are you doing?

DEAN: Okay, so Daggett was a cold war nut, okay? He was -- he was an amateur taxidermist. He liked to slow dance with cadavers, and all he ate were c-rations, so what the hell are we looking for?!

MAGGIE: Horrible little life.

DEAN: Yeah, a lonely life...A cold war life. He was scared. He was scared...he was scared.

HARRY: Scared of what? What? Dean, where are you going?

MAGGIE: Wait, don't leave me in here, you guys.

INT. ROOM IN MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

SAM: Get away from me.

DAGGETT: This won't hurt. It's okay. It's okay. Relax. Relax.

DAGGETT straps a party hat onto SAM, who's tied to a chair, while CORBETT slumps dead at the other end of the table.

INT. STAIRWAY MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

MAGGIE: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where are you going?

DEAN: Guys like Daggett back then, the ones who were really scared of the Russkies -- they built bomb shelters. I'm guessing he's got one. I'll bet you it's in the basement.

Door slams behind DEAN, cutting him and SPRUCE off from HARRY, ED, and MAGGIE.

HARRY: Whoa!

ED: Whoa! That is not funny!

SPRUCE: Um, who closed the door?

DEAN: It did. It wants to separate us.

DEAN (talking to the door): Ed! listen to me!

ED: What?

DEAN: There's some salt in my duffel. Make a circle and get inside.

ED: Inside?

HARRY: That's stupid.

ED: Inside your duffel bag?

DEAN: In the salt, you idiots!

ED: Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

DEAN continues down the basement stairs.

ED: Harry, hurry up. Get in the circle. Get in the circle. Come on. Come on. Quick, quick.

HARRY: Guys, guys, I don't want to die, okay, and I don't want you to die.

ED: Harry, listen -- listen to me, okay? listen. If we don't die... ...it's totally okay if you, uh, do my sister.

MAGGIE pushes ED.

ED: Ow!

MAGGIE: Nice.

Camera interference.

MAGGIE: Hey guys, hey guys, it's coming again.

ED: Oh, god. Oh, OK. Guys. Get in close.

HARRY: Oh, god.

ED: Oh god, oh god.

Lights continue to flicker, and the group sees CORBETT standing in front of them, bloody, unable to speak.

ED: Oh. Oh, c-Corbett.

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

SPRUCE (O.S., behind camera): Hey, can I ask you something?

DEAN: What?

SPRUCE: Earlier, you and Sam -- he said you had two months left?

DEAN: Yeah, it's complicated. A while ago, Sam... No. No. No. I'm not gonna whine about my [Bleep] problems to some [Bleep] reality show. I'm gonna do my [Bleep] job.

SPRUCE: Is it cancer?

DEAN: Shut up. You hear that?

INT. ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

DAGGETT: I've been waiting for some more friends. I get lonely. But you're coming to my party, aren't you?

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

SPRUCE: Is that music?

DEAN: Yeah, it's coming from behind this wall.

DEAN singlehandedly pushes a cabinet away from the wall.

SPRUCE: Wow, you're strong.

DEAN flips a pixellated middle finger to the camera.

INT. ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT

DAGGETT: You'll stay a good, long time.

DEAN breaks the door open to the bomb shelter.

DEAN: Sam!!

DEAN shoots DAGGETT, then unties SAM.

SPRUCE: Oh god.

Through SPRUCE's camera, we now see the whole birthday table, with the party guests of old corpses and one new corpse: CORBETT.

SPRUCE: Oh, no, Corbett.

GHOSTFACERS

ACT FOUR

INT. LIVING ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

ED, HARRY, and MAGGIE are still in the salt ring.

ED: Oh god, what have we done? Oh god.

HARRY: Ed. Ed.

ED: Yeah?

HARRY: Corbett's a -- he's a death echo. He's reliving his own murder.

MAGGIE: Over and over forever.

INT. MORTON HOUSE, BASEMENT - NIGHT.

SPRUCE: What's this Daggett guy's problem anyway?

SAM: Loneliness.

DEAN: What, he's never heard of a Realdoll?

SAM: No, no, no, Daggett was the Norman Bates, stuff-your-mother kind of lonely. I mean, that's why he lifted these bodies from the morgue, threw himself a birthday party, except they were the only ones who would come. Anyway, so, at midnight, he sealed them in the bomb shelter and went upstairs and o.d.'d on horse tranqs.

DEAN: How do you know this?

SAM: 'Cause he told me.

DEAN: Oh. yeah. Okay, so now that he's dead, what? Same song, different verse, trying to get people to come to his party?

SAM: Pretty much, yeah. Stay forever.

SPRUCE: Are those real bullets?

DEAN: It's rock salt.

INT. LIVING ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

HARRY (singing softly): Ghostfacers... we go to places the others will not...Ghostfacers...stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot.

Camera interference and lights flickering.

ED: Oh, no.

MAGGIE: Guys? Corbett...

The ghost of CORBETT again appears to the group.

ED: Guys, it's -- it's Corbett. He's -- he's -- he's trapped. He's in a lot of pain, you know? We got to try and... we got to try and pull him out of his loop. We have to.

ED stands up and faces CORBETT.

HARRY: Ed?

ED: Corbett. Corbett, it's -- Oh, god.

HARRY: Don't cross the line of salt.

ED hesitates, then steps over the salt line, confronting the ghost of CORBETT.

ED: I gotta do it, Harry. Corbett, listen to me. Okay, I'm not gonna hurt you. Listen. Listen. Oh, god. Corbett. Oh.

HARRY: Get back!

CORBETT's ghost starts flickering; ED quickly retreats.

ED: oh, god. Whoa. Oh, I can't, okay? He's not hearing me, okay? He won't stop dying.

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

DEAN is attempting to break down the basement door that's still separating DEAN, SAM, and SPRUCE from the others.

SAM: Seriously -- you're still shooting?

DEAN: It makes him feel better. Don't ask.

Camera interference and flickering.

SPRUCE: Ah, hell, guys. Get in your ghost-role thing. Something's coming.

Camera swings around, revealing the ghost of DAGGETT, who knocks SPRUCE and his camera to the ground.

SPRUCE Oh, my -- OH!!!!!

DAGGETT approaches SPRUCE, but is shot and dissipated by SAM.

INT. LIVING ROOM, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

HARRY: I...I know how we can get through to him.

ED: How?

HARRY: Ed... He had feelings for you.

ED: Huh?

HARRY: He wanted you.

ED: Wa-- wanted me to what?

HARRY: You know. (HARRY demonstrates with a slight grunt and pelvic thrust). And you know what you've got to do. You can do it, Ed. You've always been the brave one. Yes, you can. You make us brave -- Maggie, right?

MAGGIE: Yeah. Yeah you do. You totally do.

HARRY: Ed...You got to go be gay for that poor, dead intern. You got to send him into the light.

ED approaches the ghost of CORBETT again

ED: Corbett.

HARRY: Maggie, no. no.

MAGGIE: It's okay.

ED: Corbett, look. Hey, it's just Ed, buddy. It's just me. Hey, hey, Corbett, listen to me. Listen to me. I -- we... Okay. You meant... Corbett, you meant a lot to the team. You meant... You meant a lot to me. You know, never back down...Never say a bad word, okay? I remember that, Corbett. I-I remember that. I remember because I love you, Corbett. I really, truly love you. Do you remember that? do you?

CORBETT: Hey. Ed?

ED: Yeah. Yeah, Corbett, it's... Corbett, yeah, it's me. It's me. look at me. You got to help us, man. you have to help us, Corbett. Please. please. Please help us right now.

INT. BASEMENT, MORTON HOUSE - NIGHT.

SAM: Take it easy. you all right?

Camera interference and flickering. The ghost of DAGGETT appears behind DEAN.

SPRUCE: Uh, guys...

DAGGETT throws DEAN, then SAM against the wall, then is about to attack SPRUCE.

SPRUCE: This is bad -- very bad.

Camera interference and lights flicker again. CORBETT appears behind DAGGETT.

SPRUCE: Corbett?

CORBETT's ghost attacks DAGGETT and they both disappear in a blinding flash of light.

SPRUCE: You all right, dude?

SAM and DEAN pick themselves up off the floor.

SPRUCE: You all right?

SAM: God.

DEAN looks back at the camera, covering the lens with his hand.

GHOSTFACERS.


EPILOGUE

EXT. MORTON HOUSE - DAY

The door to the Morton House opens, and ED, SAM, DEAN, HARRY and MAGGIE exit. HARRY and MAGGIE pause to hug, while SAM gives ED his phone number on a scrap of paper.

ED (V.O.): Leap year, February 29th, the Morton House. A tragic day. A day of souls bound in torment, of lives held in cruel balance. But the Ghostfacers, they did the best that they could.

HARRY: We lost a beloved friend, but we gained new allies.

INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

ED: We know this much: that every day, including today, is a new beginning. We learned more than we can say in the brutal feat of the Morton House.

HARRY: The Ghostfacers were forced to face something far more scary than ghosts. They were forced to face themselves.

ED: War changes Man.

HARRY: And Maggie.

ED: War changes man. And one woman... You know Corbett, we just... ah gosh, we just like to think that you're out there, watching over us.

HARRY: As far as we're concerned, you're not an intern anymore. You have more than earned full Ghostfacer status. Plus, it would be cool to have a ghost on the team.

ED: Yeah. Heh heh. And here we were thinking that, you know, we were teaching you and all this time you were teaching us, about heart, about dedication, and about how gay love can pierce through the veil of death and save the day. Thank you, Alan J. Corbett.

HARRY: Go well into that starry night, young Turk. Go well.

EXT. OUTSIDE BACK OF VAN - DAY

CORBETT: Come on, Spruce, I gotta get all this stuff packed up!

SPRUCE: So, pack and talk!

CORBETT: I don't know what to say.

SPRUCE: Say what comes to mind. This is one of our confessional moments, Corbett, so confess. What did you think was going to happen tonight? What do you think is going to happen on this trip?

CORBETT: I think tonight, I really do, I think all of our dreams are going to come true. Does that sound stupid?

SPRUCE: Kind of does, yeah.

In Memory of Alan J. Corbett, 1985-2008 King of the Impossible

Camera pulls back from above words to reveal a computer monitor being watched by SAM and DEAN, along with the remaining Ghostfacers. We now know that everything we have seen up until now was the show put together by the Ghostfacers and their footage, and they have all been watching the playback. Also, now the "real" Supernatural opening credits are run.

INT. GHOSTFACER HEADQUARTERS - DAY

ED: So, guys, what do you think? Are you alright?

DEAN: You know, I kind of think it was half-awesome.

MAGGIE: Half-awesome? That - that's full-on good, right?

SAM: Yeah, um, I mean it's bizarre how you all are able to honor Corbett's memory while grossly exploiting the manner of his death. Well done.

DEAN secretly slips something into a backpack under the table.

DEAN: Yeah. It's a real tight rope you guys are walking there.

SAM: Yeah, all right guys.

ED: Nah, that's reality, man. Yeah, Corbett gave his life searching for the truth, and it's our job over here to share it with the world.

SAM: Right. Well, um, our experience, you know what you get when you show the world the truth?

DEAN: A straitjacket. Or a punch in the face. Sometimes both.

SAM: Right.

HARRY: Oh come on, guys, don't be 'facer haters just because we happen to have gotten the footage of the century.

ED: Oh yeah.

DEAN: You got us there.

SAM: Yeah.

DEAN: Yeah, well we'll see you guys around.

SPRUCE: Peace out.

SAM and DEAN leave; ED shuts the door behind them.

HARRY: Dicks.

ED: Oh yeah.

MAGGIE: Totally.

SPRUCE: Let's start laying off some DVDs.

ED: Sounds like a good idea, Spruce.

HARRY: You know guys, I think we're gonna need a bigger office here, you know? Because we're going to go national, and then it's going to go international, and then-

ED finds the backpack DEAN left under the table.

ED: Hey, Menudo left their dance bag behind. What's inside, huh?

ED opens the backpack and removes a very large magnet strapped to a very large battery. Suddenly, the computer video playback starts to break up.

HARRY: Whoa. What the hell is this?

SPRUCE: Uh...seems to be having some technical difficulty over here.

HARRY: Wait a minute. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

ED: No, no!

HARRY: Wait, wait!!! No operating system found?!?!?! Wait a minute!!

EXT. OUTSIDE THE IMPALA - DAY

SAM: We clean?

ED (O.S., in the distance): Nooooooo!!!!!!! Are you kidding me?!?!?!?!

DEAN: Electromagnet wiped out every tape and hard drive that they have.

SAM: The world just isn't ready for the Ghostfacers.

DEAN: It's too bad. I kinda liked the show.

SAM: It had its moments.

They start the IMPALA and drive off, to the sound of the Ghostfacers theme song:

Ghost, Ghostfacers. We face the ghosts when the others will not. We're Ghost, Ghostfacers. Stay in the kitchen when the kitchen gets hot. Ghost. Ghostfacers. We face the nightmare, we face the dead. Ghost, Ghostfacers.

ED (V.O.): That is money in the bank!